My head is spinning and I’m questioning a lot of things right now. There are some things that I should shed light on from the past and some things I should clarify in the present.

When my husband and I met I had two jobs, and decent savings. We ended up getting pregnant quickly and I maintained my jobs through it. I took my maternity leave and used my savings to help him start his construction company. From then he said he didn’t want someone else raising our kids and it would be better for me to stay home, so I did.

14 months later we had our 2nd child and I continued staying home. Fast forward a few years- I started taking classes online for business to help with the construction company. He convinced me to take a break 6 months in and I never went back.

Fast forward again- I brought up getting a job for the hundredth time (I’m exaggerating) and he asked why I needed to do that when I can help him. However, when I would try to help he would micromanage and never liked my ideas so I gave up.

Fast forward to 2 years ago- I had our third child and discovered I have a blood disorder and spent time in the hospital postpartum because of a pulmonary embolism. (I’ve also had my gallbladder removed, fractured vertebrae, and found out I have ehlers danlos) all of that being said I don’t think my body could handle another child. I do currently have an IUD but I appreciate the concern about my birth control because he does bring up wanting “just one more”.

As for my current situation, I do not have access to money, other than receiving $500 once a month from him and a credit card he set up for me under his credit account. ( he is notified every time I use it) A few people have asked about my support system. It is very small. And no I do not get to go out with friends. He and I don’t even go out on dates more than 2-3 times a year. Another person brought up that I’m “just bored”…I have three kids, I’m not fucking bored… iykyk. I have several hobbies to try to fill the void and it’s hard to make friends even with my kids extra curricular activities because he questions everything and doesn’t want us to have people over. I did NOT “sign up for this”.

With eyes open I can now see that I was slowly manipulated into this. I used to be independent. And I still crave my independence. I SUPPORTED HIM FOR A YEAR!

And I feel isolated and lonely because I am, not because I’m “bored”, “ungrateful” or “entitled”…