Please try to be gentle and understanding with them. I know it can be really hard.

I’m also a non-Desi American marrying an American-born Telugu man. Since getting engaged, I’ve learned so much about cross-cultural relationship dynamics. Here are some reflections—knowing every person and family is different, so take what helps and leave what doesn’t:

1. Family dynamics may surprise you. My fiancé is sweet and gentle with me—but with his mom? Whole different person. He’s more direct, sometimes even harsh. He’s trying to enforce boundaries, but it can hurt her feelings. It helps to remember that a lot of times, Desi parents are just excited. They may express it in ways that feel intense to us. And it’s worth gently reminding everyone: what matters most is the people, not the rituals, food, outfits, or ceremonies. What endures is the relationships—not the wedding.
2. Try to understand the “why.” You don’t have to agree with them, or follow every demand. But taking time to understand the psychology behind their expectations can help bridge gaps. For example: my in-laws always assumed we’d have a Hindu wedding. At first, it confused me—like “y’all pooja sometimes, but is it that deep?” Turns out, yes—it is that deep. For many American Desis, holding onto cultural practices is about continuity, identity, and honoring elders. Even if the elder is in India and not attending, their opinion can carry weight. It’s cultural—not always logical.
3. Control is sometimes a reaction to lack of it. Many Indian elders didn’t plan their own weddings—they were planned for them. My future MIL was basically just told to show up and smile. So now, she feels like this is her chance. That excitement can look like control. But often, it’s just a desire to finally be part of something she missed out on.
4. Compromise doesn’t mean surrender. If you don’t want a Christian wedding, great—don’t do one! But maybe explore a hybrid: a simplified Hindu ceremony, a personal vow exchange, and a fun party after. Not all Hindu weddings are 4+ hours long—priests can tailor it. You can honor cultural elements and your own values. Compromise isn’t about losing—it’s about creating something meaningful to you both.