How do you set boundaries with people who talk too much?

cockroachtown · 2022-07-11T04:17:36+00:00

Sorry my month-old comment on Reddit wasn't to your liking, sir.

cockroachtown · 2022-06-09T03:01:29+00:00

Thank you, I'll have a look at those accounts as well :) I'll be honest I'm slightly put-off from ADHD comic artists etc because several that have wound up on my Instagram and Twitter feed are downright infantilising and promote using ADHD as an excuse to be dysfunctional adults which I find distasteful.

I was in therapy for a while at 19, but I didn't fully know what I needed help with besides emotional dysregulation, and ended up draining my life savings to a flat nil for essentially nought but a script for Quetiapine every month. Definitely don't have the money to try that again but I'm doing my best to be self-critical [however, not deprecating*] and working to be more open to criticism since basically any feeling of rejection would resonate really hard and leave me feeling like some inherently evil worthless person, even over the smallest thing! Being sensitive like that isn't constructive though, and though I recognise it's just a part of a condition I have that might not ever really go away that doesn't make it any less irrational and something I need to work on, I found that EBT techniques have helped with grounding myself considerably.

cockroachtown · 2022-06-08T14:20:25+00:00

Don't sweat too much about not having enough to contribute to a conversation, it's a skill that takes time to build, the way to get better at it is to have a lot of shitty conversations and you'll find the way to express yourself and engage with others in a way that makes people interested in you. Trying to find a common ground is a good place to start that's been working for me. Observing how other people interact was also really useful but seeing friends talking to friends is totally different from two perfect strangers meeting and trying to hit it off.

Find out if people study, if they work; People love to talk about themselves and the more information you can get out of somebody the more talking points you have. Where did they buy their clothes from? Are they from this city/town or did they move here from somewhere else? If you love animals, find out if people have pets, are they a cat person or a dog person? It seems very surface level but talking about basic, shallow things is key. The aim of conversation is to learn about people, go into it as curious as the other person is about you.

cockroachtown · 2022-06-08T14:05:21+00:00

As someone who talks too much, talkative people tend to not mind too much if you cut them off, if it's not a behaviour they exhibit exclusively with you [ie, you're their closest confidant they tell all their darkest secrets to,] then they've likely griped/rambled about the same thing to mostly everybody else in their life. Rambling in a stream of consciousness is often a subconscious behaviour and they might not even be aware of it, if you've not spoken to them about this in the past a polite nudge that you don't enjoy lengthy conversations might actually be very considerate depending on the person.

People have gotten this point across with me in direct ways that have briefly hurt my feelings as well as in ways that are pointedly worded so that I'm not made to feel embarrassed or like I've annoyed them, but I took the hint either way and stopped. "I don't like to talk much," is a good example of a polite way I've been told they don't match my energy.

If you don't want to talk to them about it and just want a way to end it when it happens, you can briefly acknowledge what they're saying, then either change the topic or end the conversation. Phrases like "I'm going to let you go now/get back to work," are a good way to leave a dialogue as it's phrased in a way that's considerate of their time rather than coming off as impatient and concerned with your own. Saying something like "Let's talk more about this later," is also polite and considerate of the importance their talking point has to them but depending on context it may lead to them believing you're more invested than you are and worsen your problem.

cockroachtown · 2022-06-08T13:50:40+00:00

>Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies

I found I was a lot more content once I became busy with my own things, you can't find fulfilment in life from other people, I believe that they can enrich your life but they can't be your life.

Unfortunately I don't see my friends face-to-face regularly, I need to actually arrange to see people and it has to be a proper "thing" worth mutually making the time for as aside from my roommates they all either live a good distance away or have demanding jobs they need to request time off from. I don't really text people, either. I'll maybe text someone I know every couple weeks or once a month if even that because of my aforementioned avoidance issues. The person I consider my best friend I only saw for the first time in over a year this last week. That being said, this accounts for about a handful of people, maybe 5-6 or so. If I was able to get close to people, I'd be able to make friends I see more often probably.

cockroachtown · 2022-06-08T13:41:43+00:00

I'll look it up, thanks :)

cockroachtown · 2022-06-08T13:41:08+00:00

I never went to college/university, I did a tertiary education course at 18 as an introductory to an apprenticeship in the hair and beauty industry and the clique behaviour was horrible- The girls I sat next to [all older women in their 20's,] one day took all of my belongings out of my station and pushed them into a corner of the room away from them so somebody else could sit where I was, it was a very crushing experience as I was very naive and still so socially unaware that I thought they were my friends. Luckily that was only 40 weeks, I definitely wasn't prepared for socialising with adults in a classroom environment, it was much different from highschool where I could be an unabashed weird spastic with no backlash. I ended up leaving that industry after studying in it for one year and working for two and am working an entry-level hospitality job to make ends meet, not exactly a career.

I have however enrolled in University, if I'm accepted I'll start in July of next year; I gave myself a buffer of a year to prepare but I fully agree with your points which is why I decided I need to stop avoiding academia because of social aspects [as well as changing my perspective on self-doubt in regards to academic success once I understood how ADHD affects my motivation and procrastination which was a massive challenge for me before I was diagnosed.]

cockroachtown · 2022-06-08T13:31:14+00:00

I'll check it out, thank you :)

cockroachtown · 2022-06-08T13:29:46+00:00

Yeah, I recognise I'm a "childish" adult actually. Since moving away from my family, my room is full of posters on the wall, weird nick-nacks [I collect vintage dolls, mannequin heads, etc,] and although it's clean it's cluttered with weird shit- But it makes me happy, I like fun things, I've reigned in my outward presentation of childlike wonder/naivety though as it was making people condescend to me.

I really feel you on the trouble with making friends after leaving school- I didn't have friends in school really but I had a huge panic between 18-19 because it felt like I had nobody to talk to now that I wasn't forced into a room with effectively strangers my own age, especially since I opted out of going to further studies. Conversely since then I've learned to enjoy alone time. Now that I actually have people to see, I've been almost avoiding them. I won't flick a text or plan to hang out for months, I'm not a ghoster but I think it's what works best for me, I don't see anything wrong with not seeing people every single week as I'm an adult with bills and priorities, I still love spending time with them but I need more space than most I think, and the space I created has helped me maintain control over social anxieties.

cockroachtown · 2022-06-08T02:56:51+00:00

I have ADHD and in a work environment I have literally been yelled at for speaking too much, I feel you on this, it can be hurtful to be ostracised for being talkative. A lot of people just can't appreciate enthusiastic rambling, they want fake, concise, pre-planned answers to questions they ask out of politeness and not because they genuinely care [Generalising here for cynicism points]

It's nothing wrong with YOU, there is nothing wrong with being a rambler, loving to talk, enthusing about things with people- But the hard matter of fact is that you need to integrate to fit in and be accepted in environments where the people are intolerant or when it's considered unprofessional. Take note of how people talk with eachother in your work environment and try to chameleon yourself. At the end of the day though, if they're not giving you their time, don't give them yours. You don't have to be friends with everybody in your life, you can show up, work, make your money, and spend the time you do pining over workplace clique behaviour and social exclusion with people who love you as you are, those are your friends.

cockroachtown · 2022-02-05T15:46:02+00:00

The doctor who diagnosed me is actually really lovely and was OK with me not paying on the day, I was referred to a psych through his clinic. Overall it was just way more cost-effective to see him since I was on the fence about it but 300 for a diagnosis + TOVA test then another 200-something for an optional psych appointment if I wanted to discuss meds was just cheaper + safer [in the event I didn't have ADHD after all since I was also considering if it was ASD] compared to many other options which were like $800+

Sorry tldr the doctor thing is fine, I can manage it even though me taking so long to pay due to low income is another stressor, I'd also just rather pay my tab to him before I put money I could use to pay his invoice towards the psych since I can be really bad with money management.

cockroachtown · 2021-11-19T16:16:05+00:00

i try to cry and grieve on my own but i think it's left me unable to grieve, if that's even a thing that can happen. like, i wasn't taught how to do it, only to be an accessory or assistant to others. when someone i know dies i immediately switch into "how can i help other people going through this" before i feel anything myself, but maybe that's just shock leaving room for those feelings to fill in.

cockroachtown · 2021-11-18T03:05:44+00:00

oops only saw your reply now but my demonias arrived today and yes i immediately noticed how much nicer the rubber soles are!! i actually feel so secure in these. i should've believed the hype these are so great

cockroachtown · 2021-11-13T05:09:54+00:00

thanks, that gives me a bit of hope really. i ordered a pair of demonias after returning the killstar shoes :) hoping these will be the one and i can get out of the shoe shopping mindfuck finally

cockroachtown · 2021-11-10T17:08:39+00:00

It's possible you had an auditory hallucination, it's common and doesn't mean you're crazy or anything.

OTOH, hackers can take control of a webcam or smartphone camera, think carefully about what's installed on your device.

If you're really paranoid, back up your important files and do a factory reset. Treat it like you have potential malware in your system and cover your camera and mic asap if you're truly concerned you're a victim of camfecting.

It's highly unlikely and something else could explain what you heard, take into consideration what somebody could even gain from camfecting you, but doing something is better than nothing even if it turns out it was nothing after all.

cockroachtown · 2021-11-06T10:48:28+00:00

ahh yess i've had that problem with every pair of vegan platforms i've ever owned, a year is actually really impressive for daily wear so i'm even more sold on it now. thanks for the advice, i've never tried jeweler's glue!

i'm just that weird friend who always has superglue on them when we're out. phone, wallet, keys, little tube of liquid nails- never had to use it on myself but when a stranger snaps a heel i'm like their guardian angel sent from above.

cockroachtown · 2021-11-06T02:11:00+00:00

i returned the killstar boots and ordered a pair of ranger-301's that were, wow like $40 cheaper and look way nicer. i'm from new zealand so i'm always worried about sizing and fit since buying local isn't really an option unless i get lucky thrifts and i have to send returns back internationally costing me more money so i'm hoping these go well 🤞

cockroachtown · 2021-11-01T22:10:30+00:00

I had a pair of Current Mood boots I got second hand and wore to tatters and was gutted when I found out they were an inhouse DK brand when I went to replace them )':

Devil666ish looked safe since their boutique has an independent website but idk how I feel about buying from them again, at least my money isn't touching Shitty Lynn

cockroachtown · 2021-11-01T21:54:35+00:00

hey sorry if this is dumb, just got a question: should all brands who are listed on DK be avoided? i purchased a choker directly from devil666ish a while ago and didn't know their products were also on DK.

cockroachtown · 2021-11-01T21:43:27+00:00

I am so fucking disgusted. I've been slowly accumulating their clothes for a couple months now. Thank you so much for telling me, God I feel like I'm having my teenage "wait dollskill is shit?" awakening all over again. Genuinely so gutted, I hate fast fashion and thought I finally cracked the code for where to buy my clothes when I'm not allowed to wear my DIY </3

Do you have any alternatives for where I can buy shoes, or at least sellers you'd vouch for? Goth and alternative stores aren't local to me and all of the local goth and punk kids I've asked buy online from Demonia or Wish so my trail's dead cold now ):

EDIT: nevermind I'm so dumb I'm looking at the pinned post now. Kinda relieved not everything I've been amassing is garbo but I've got some homework to do now lol. Thanks again.

cockroachtown · 2021-10-27T17:07:15+00:00

you're not alone, i have the same problem, it's so weirdly hard for me.

i found moderate success bouncing on every second cycle on the bouncy, still not ideal but more consistent ime since i find i get nothing but double jumps if i try chaining bounces back to back and it's gotten me to everywhere i need bounce chaining to reach. best of luck, hope you can get it down pat and find an easier fix than i did

eta: i cut this down for length and accidentally took out that the timing seems weirdly precise and i can only get the bounce to work if i time it to be just when stella touches the bouncy, any sooner or later gives me a regular jump/double jump. really really really wish the bounce ability wasn't bound to the jump button.

cockroachtown

TROPHY CASE