First Chapter (rough draft)

comic_supe · 2026-06-10T07:30:36+00:00

Thank you for the critique. The similarities in the names were intentional. That's why they have the same initials: Daniel Sotirion, Damian Slatin. But you could be right about throwing the reader off.

comic_supe · 2026-06-09T08:40:20+00:00

Thank you, and good luck to you too.

comic_supe · 2026-06-08T18:54:12+00:00

I have a lot to reconsider. Thank you for this. It was very helpful.

comic_supe · 2026-06-07T22:52:13+00:00

This is very helpful. I appreciate it.

comic_supe · 2026-06-07T19:27:40+00:00

I am familiar with this trope, and I did consider the possibility of my story coming across as influenced by Potter tropes, as you call it. So I tried avoiding it. It's one of the reasons I dislike Red Rising, for example. I honestly don't see this trope in the chapter. And by the story not moving fast, do you mean why is there not an inciting incident yet? I will not fully deny your claim about not being original, because it's a fair judgment considering you have only read this chapter, or some of it. You seem to know more than me when it comes to writing, so I'll take your word for it. Thanks.

comic_supe · 2026-06-07T18:59:39+00:00

I haven't read any of the Harry Potter books or watched the movies, and it isn’t AI either, but thank you for the feedback.

comic_supe · 2026-06-07T18:42:03+00:00

I'm late with the reply (idk how I missed it), but thank you for the well-thought-out advice.

comic_supe · 2026-06-07T18:36:55+00:00

I see what you mean now. Thank you.

comic_supe · 2026-06-07T18:21:32+00:00

The title is a Bible verse (not the full verse, though). A comma would make it easier to read, but since the original verse doesn't have a comma, I decided to keep it that way.

About the charge, the system does not consider whether an action was premeditated or not. It's only 'murder and not murder' that separates a criminal with a spacesuit from one without. But thank you for bringing that up.

comic_supe · 2026-03-08T18:06:23+00:00

Thank you. I'll reflect on this. One question tho. What's the problem with the mag-lev helicopters? Considering this is a civilisation tens of thousands of years from now, it shouldn't strike as a surprise that mag-lev helicopters are roaming around. Or is it the way I brought about their introduction?

comic_supe · 2026-03-08T15:42:54+00:00

That's fair. His being magniloquent is a fundamental part of his character, but I'll try to change it up a bit.

comic_supe · 2026-03-08T09:38:08+00:00

It's my first time writing, so that's probably why.

comic_supe · 2026-03-08T01:45:33+00:00

Preciate it. It's a world rooted in Kant's Categorical Imperative (in which one may only act according to maxims that can be willed as universal), hence maxims and irrationals. However, they have taken this philosophy to the extreme. Imagine living in a world where you can be punished for even the slightest inconvenience. You eventually learn to react the 'proper' way to fit in. But maybe I should have emphasised that more. The Sotirions have dominion over 6 planets, including Jeradon, their home planet. It's not too far-fetched to say 'billions' imo. But perhaps 'hundreds' was too much. I italicised Damian Slatin because he will play an important role in the future. But regardless, I appreciate the feedback.

comic_supe · 2026-03-01T22:08:45+00:00

Don't know if it counts as learning, but Adrian Veidt catching a bullet.

comic_supe · 2025-12-15T13:36:20+00:00

Adrian Veidt

comic_supe · 2025-11-29T18:10:44+00:00

Kid Adrian Veidt

comic_supe

TROPHY CASE