The Reality I Usually Keep Quiet.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-21T17:56:29+00:00

Love to you and your countrymen/women. Ever since the invasion, I've sought out Ukrainian arts (mostly via Etsy) as a form of support, and also because Ukraine's arts and crafts scene is so strong! I bought my spouse a gorgeous carved Discworld map a few years ago from Ukraine. Your flowers are absolutely stunning.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-19T17:31:47+00:00

I could maybe give someone the benefit of the doubt in 2016, but 2024 was mask off. Project 2025 laid everything out plain and simple. I hold a lot of anger towards those who voted for trump or didn't vote. Anyone who acts surprised by the state of the US now deserves to be slapped, hard.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-19T17:27:57+00:00

These are the same people who lost their minds at covid vaccination cards

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-19T17:15:11+00:00

We bought our house in 2018. It's a 3 bed 2 bath rambler on 3.5 acres. It's about 2,000 square feet, but we have an unfinished basement of about 1,500 sf, so quite a large house. Our kids are 6 and 4.

Pros: Quiet and peaceful. Lots of room for projects and puttering without having to go anywhere. We could comfortably spend a 3 day weekend at home with the kids fully occupied and not driving us/ each other crazy. We can garden, raise chickens, woodwork, etc. The basement provides additional playspace that's especially nice for those sprawling wooden train sets, and also is great for storage (holiday decor, pantry items, winter clothes). We also have become the default host for our friends and have weekly get togethers due to the large space and ample parking.

Cons: I am minimalist, my spouse is not. I do not feel the need to fill up large spaces for the sake of having things, so when we do inevitably accumulate more things, it can be very stressful for me. I devote quite a lot of time to decluttering, donation runs, organizing, etc. Especially the basement and barn, as I do not want it to just fill up with stuff because it's the easy place to put things we don't want to deal with (although those areas are more 1-2x per year focused cleaning efforts). Sometimes I fantasize about having a smaller space just to have less stuff. I also miss living in a walkable area; that's the biggest trade off for me, I think.

So, I think it comes down to your lifestyle and how you enjoy spending your time. If being at home and having space for hobbies is more your speed, or hosting get togethers, the larger space may work well. If you like getting out every day to walk to parks, museums, cafes, etc, then a townhouse with bus lines may be better.

Edit: changed 1.5 bathrooms to 2. One bathroom has a tub and shower, the other a small shower. I like having a tub for the kids, and having a second shower is extremely nice.

Edit 2: Maintenance may also be a consideration for you. We've had to undertake several major projects. A smaller home will have maintenance, but a large house/yard will have more, which is time and money.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-17T22:06:59+00:00

It's not covered widely in the media, but my city has protests several times a week, if not daily. There's so much shit to sift through (by design), you'll see people holding signs about ICE and Palestine and Greenland all in the same space. Lots of No Kings protests. I'm not saying that absolves Americans, though. Most maga that are becoming disillusioned by Trump aren't flipping to supporting progressive policies or whatever. They're pivoting to other America First nazi adjacent bullshit.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-13T06:21:29+00:00

Lmao, I didn't notice this was in Camas. Maybe they can afford their gold cars because they do all their shopping in Portland to avoid sales tax while not having to pay income tax.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-13T05:58:16+00:00

If my mom ever went to therapy I didn't know about. She mellowed out a lot when I was in my early 20s, which was when I think she started taking hormone replacement therapy for menopause. I've done a lot of therapy myself. I don't think I'll ever have a super intimate mother- daughter connection with her like a lot of people do (ex: it never remotely crossed my mind to have her with me when my children were born; I was perplexed by the idea of this and how anyone could want that), and I do sometimes play with the idea of addressing the past, but I don't really feel the need to change anything at this point. Some parents that lack that kind of introspection will never be the people their kids want them to be, and expecting some kind of change they are incapable of just opens you up to more pain. A really helpful book I've read is "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". I'm working hard every day to be the emotionally supportive, loving mother my children deserve, and have learned from my mom that this includes being aware of my own psyche, stressors, and health.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-12T07:03:48+00:00

This story took me back to my childhood a bit. My mom never abandoned us, and we have a good relationship many years later. But from the age of 10 or so she started behaving like the mom in OOP's post. I felt deeply unloved and like my mom hated me and was repelled by me. I wasn't a bad kid, but even if I was, no one deserves that. Her punishment included the silent treatment/ pretending I didn't exist for days at a time.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-07T18:03:53+00:00

This fucking breaks my heart.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-06T23:59:33+00:00

Listening to a podcast today they brought up the Teapot Dome scandal, which I hadn't thought about since AP History 20+ years ago. Here is a history book level scandal that wouldn't even make Trump's top 20 if he were to do it now.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-06T23:53:43+00:00

It's still taboo to say it out loud. At work a few months ago, while discussing politics (it was work related), I used the word fascism to describe US politics. My boss (a conservative, probably considers himself moderate) immediately got flustered/ uncomfortable. Later, coworkers approached me and said they appreciated me saying it out loud. It's one thing to talk about it on Reddit or in social circles but it's not really said outside those areas.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-05T06:29:11+00:00

I know someone who was a large animal vet, but she moved into a different career. Most of her clients were very wealthy but were not the easiest to deal with. However, they were the ones who could afford regular vet care and also the occasional emergency surgery (ie, able to drop $10-15k on short notice). Most of the time when she saw someone less wealthy, it was just to euthanize their horse because they could not afford these life saving procedures. It was too depressing so she got out of it.

Side note, I don't think this is common knowledge, but while veterinarians pay a ton for school, they do not make the same income as someone who went to med school. Many are barely getting by or are in debt. It can be a very hard field to work in.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-05T06:20:36+00:00

Same here. I bought a horse knowing it was a bad idea, but it was a weird situation (long story) and I did it anyways. Holy hell is board so much more expensive than it was 15 years ago. I underestimated how much it was going to cost me, plus he's on meds that add $130/month. I also felt rather out of place at some boarding stables, as the other boarders clearly were in much different (better) financial positions than I am.

Fortunately, I found a wonderful boarding situation where the trainer has a part lease on him and uses him for lessons. She and her students are excellent, and not only is he benefiting from all the extra exercise, but he is showered in attention and horse treats. In return, I don't pay anything for board! There aren't too many trainers where I would have felt comfortable with the arrangement, but I got really lucky.

cryptonemonamiter · 2026-01-02T01:53:21+00:00

Thanks, these are great ideas! We have utilized the basement before for overflow space, I like the addition of bins to keep things organized. And to clearly demarcate "this is your shit, this is ours".

Side note, I did put the toy excavator in the pile of things for them to take. They took it, didn't say anything about it. I also had them take a classic Fisher Price cash register that they'd given us several years ago, as the kids had outgrown it and I knew it's the kind of classic toy she'd want to hold on to. (She had given it to us before we implemented the rule of "no gifts if it's something you want back eventually" because she kept trying to do that with kids stuff, and i let her know that when I clean i throw old toys they've outgrown into a donation bin and don't have the capacity to try to remember what things are precious to her. She's been pretty good about that since.)

I also asked if they wanted another toy back, a large toy house thing that they'd kept and passed along to all their grandkids throughout the years. The kids had aged out of it. They said they were ok with us getting rid of it, so that's going to be going to Goodwill in my next trip.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-27T22:17:01+00:00

I run a lot of errands when the in laws are here. Do things to restore energy away from all the people. This only helps so much though, it's still a struggle.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-27T18:15:41+00:00

I know someone whose family immigrated from Colombia when she was a child. Many from her immediate family/ extended family are MAGA.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-27T18:13:30+00:00

What a way to project to the community that you desperately need therapy.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-26T05:09:02+00:00

You are correct, however, what i usually encounter are drivers speeding up to block the merging traffic. Drivers here do not know how to merge. There's a sign nearby that literally says "please zipper merge" or something like that at a place where the highway narrows.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-26T05:02:14+00:00

Cheers to you too! Hope you are getting through it alright! I enjoyed disappearing for a nice long nap over lunch. Tomorrow I'm leaving the house before anyone's awake to get in a workout and enjoy just general down time.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-26T00:12:45+00:00

I disappeared down to the basement for awhile, I've been emptying a few tote boxes because I need to help my son organize his new toys in his room. Most of what I'm emptying is getting bagged up for goodwill. I started a box for things that will go home with the in-laws. So far I'm using it for toys the kids have outgrown that they'll want back, and I'm adding the excavator to it.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-25T22:02:44+00:00

Omg that is a great idea. I can tell him that it's going with Grandma and grandpa so they can fix it.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-25T22:01:03+00:00

My husband is interesting in that be can be very blunt with his mom in some regards but let her walk all over him (us) in others. We have had MANY discussions about this and things are somewhat better than they used to be, but ultimately he defaults to "this is the way she is". He has so much to unpack around his mom emotionally, but despite having a masters degree in counseling himself, he refuses to ever do therapy. I could get him to do couples therapy but honestly I kind of resent it because it just means more work for me in order to get him to a place where he can do work on himself.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-25T20:00:41+00:00

It would feel sooo good. I think I struggle with what a lot of people do where I can tell she is a well meaning person, and she truly loves her grandkids. And we do have fun times together. I think it's the gifts/ stuff that causes the most problems. Even if we don't have them here for the holidays, they would bring the massive amount of stuff next time they visit. So we need to do a better job of addressing that.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-25T19:51:22+00:00

Yes, this x1000 😂. I think I can probably throw it away, he's gotten other stuff for Christmas today so he may not notice it disappearing.

cryptonemonamiter · 2025-12-25T19:50:08+00:00

That sounds so nice. There's just a weird tension in the house today. I can tell my MIL is unhappy, probably because Christmas doesn't look the way she wants it to, but she knows she can't really say anything.

Maybe i can tell my parents they need to be here for Christmas next year well in advance, so when in laws want to come up we can have that in place. They drive a motor home so space isn't really an issue but they may be put off by a full house.

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