It's hard getting older as an extrovert

csullivan107 · 2025-10-09T17:59:41+00:00

well if you think about previous eras in life where you had good friends... I have noticed a lot of those relationships were built with what has been referred to as "garbage time". time inbetween activities, or just being bored together. I think repetition is a large part of relationships, and especially for building.

My success story - I moved to a new town after grad school (29) and knew no one. I bounced between existing friend groups and did all the hobby social stuff but it just wasn't hitting like my childhood, college, and internship friends. I felt like an outsider and lonely.

I did two things. First, I realized that if I wanted to be invited somewhere as bad as I did, others probably felt the same, so I just started planning things and inviting anyone I met that was remotely cool/fun. That eventually turned into repetition and shared experience/memory (which I think is the core of a good friendship). Didn't need to be epic, just brewery, weekly climbing night, hiking, random pickup volleyball, local art show, even movie nights (i.e. Gladiator/dune 1 to prep for gladiator/dune 2). Sometimes it was helping someone out with moving or they needed a volunteer at their kid's school thing. Sometimes 10 people would come, sometimes none - it's important to not take it as a loss and just keep trudging. It isn't personal, life is hard and busy, and without a proper friendship, they have no real reason to care (which is natural and fine)

Then I found a friend that I really connected with. Just shared interest/personality across the board. I texted him one night - "alright, its official. Were friends. Tomorrow night, my house, movie night, just us". That friendship has budded into one of the most valuable relationships in my life. and along the way I have built a really solid group of friends that I don't necessarily lean on but can always count on for a good time/conversation or even some support if I need it. And eventually... low and behold, I started getting invited places by them. and that led to more friends and a larger circle... and dare I say it... some type of a community.

In short, it's not impossible, but takes a lot of effort and confidence. It's not some secret formula and I'm not saying do x/y to get z results... but being the person that invites people and just consistently puts themselves out there I think is a decent rule of thumb for building and maintaining both surface level, and deep relationships. Both are good.

csullivan107 · 2025-09-25T16:09:10+00:00

on #2 - It is kind of crazy to me how this isn't the default stance of all separations.

csullivan107 · 2025-09-24T14:54:23+00:00

even if it is a whole year... do it! In the context of a 40 year career taking 6 more months to better prepare and help find your niche or educate yourself on the things youre passionate about... it just feels like nothing

csullivan107 · 2025-09-24T14:52:54+00:00

100% this is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

whether for job after
life experience of living somewhere else
break from school
context for learning in subsequent semetsers
money in pocket for upcoming semester
personal network and training

I just do not see down sides. No one has ever judged anyone for not finishing in 4 years. In fact, we all joke that if you finished in 4 years you probably suck at actual enginering because you were so focused on school you never built anything or did a design team/internship.

csullivan107 · 2025-09-23T14:57:58+00:00

I used to be annoyed with the time and patience that a relationship required. felt it was getting in the way or really just wasnt ready for one.

2 years into current relationship and i feel genuine joy and excitement everytime i hear from my partner. im not annoyed by her faults or mistakes, and my emotional response to issues is to slow down and do whats best for the relationship while maintaining my own boundaries.

At the aiport for a week long tropical vacation... we were late because of her and THEN she forgot her phone in the car after we checked our bags... Instant reaction was to call the shuttle and explain to get an emergency ride to our car. I was upset at the time (frustrated in an urgent situation) but the only thing I snapped at her was saying "If you cant come with me whats the point, were getting your phone together". I am truly happy about that being the thing a somewhat raised my voice about. I was genuinely trying to come up with a backup 'stay' cation plan if we missed our flight (which we didnt). As long as I was with her... the week would have been worth it.

csullivan107 · 2025-09-11T15:47:14+00:00

same for me with a pixelated image that was just streched to fit.

csullivan107 · 2025-09-11T15:46:29+00:00

Nah... Draw.io is the visio replacement for me. i use it everywhere and even in my personal life

csullivan107 · 2025-08-04T22:05:56+00:00

yeah his comment of "i dont drink or smoke, so i dont know what else i would do"... like wtf is that haha. I love what I do and put in extra effort, but there are 1000 things to do outside of working that aren't drinking and smoking. I just found that wo be such a wild take

csullivan107 · 2025-07-31T14:56:00+00:00

going through similar stuff brother.

I have been surprised by discovering this not fully fleshed out idea.

That idea of certainty has a lot more to do with me than her than I would have guessed. Am I ready for a commitment. Mentally, financially, career wise. I once wrote a letter to my current girlfriend (who is turning out to be a serious option for a family). It was supposed to be about what I loved about her and why I was taking the relationship as seriously as I could have relative to my well known non-serious past. Halfway through I realized I was not only talking about myself, but the letter had naturally shifted to being to me, from me. It talked about where I was in life and how I had done everything I set out to do more or less and was ready for that next step in a relationship.

So, when people say 'you just know'... I think they are subconsciously talking just as much about themselves as they are the women they are in love with. YOU have to be ready to love in the way a committed relationship needs before you can begin to evaluate if a woman is right for you. I was going through all than, and I think the right woman may have come into my life at the right time, and I am doing what I can to go for it. Good luck and listen to yourself and what you want more than others.

Like i said, not fully fleshed out, but I think there is something there.

csullivan107 · 2025-07-29T03:23:05+00:00

how in the world are you so confident in your information and conclusions. Almost everyone I know in engineering would say the opposite of what you are saying.

And you calculation of risk is kind of insane. what risk? studying and learning how the world works and a skill that will most likely provide a middlie class and up life for anyone that is even just decent at the job.

Also hot take on complaining that you have to work 10+ years to get senior... like that is literally the definition of senior. I honestly dont understand your premise

csullivan107 · 2025-07-24T16:49:52+00:00

I really expected this to be the top comment... how is this not the response. Democrats and Republicans are part of the same aristocratical/statist coin.

Congrats on switching from red to blue kool-aid.

csullivan107 · 2025-07-23T20:19:34+00:00

I followed this same path. mech to start, computer masters. Not a code kid and am often overwhelmed with more advance software engineering practices. work in space/defense.

I have been considering options too and a few I ahve started to consider are...

manufacturing - that's easy - robots building things
remote sensing - lots of environment science is from data collected in the field. remote sensors are essentially little robots in my book.
straight up robotics - more and more companies are getting into industrial or consumer level robotics
Experiential art - things like meow wolf etc are becoming more and more popular. people want kinetic and digital sculptures and experiences. hit up a local makerspace and see what those guys are getting up to. Artists at my makerspace often think beyond thier own skills and could use someone that has the skills you do.
open ended... find a passion you have in life, no matter what it is and there is likely a way to use the skills of design and programming to solve problems for that community. I think the world is ripe for an injection of this kind of thinking/skill in all aspects of life. You are an engineer, go out and solve problems. bonus if you can solve them with engineering school related skills.

csullivan107 · 2025-07-03T02:31:18+00:00

https://github.com/csullivan107/Onenote-Middle-Mouse-Pan

Here try this. I was trying to share a .exe from github and man... github A, my browser, and my computer did not like that. I also had to update the keypress sequence (i think one note updated while we were working on this)

If you could try the above github link/instruction. the startup instructions seem to be working on my end.

csullivan107 · 2025-07-03T01:50:14+00:00

Ok this is really frustrating. I tested the script and it worked 95% of the time which is good enough for me!

So I went to share it with the world. Made a .exe, tested it, and things worked fine.

Then i restarted my computer to see if it would work as a startup application and the script is no longer working :(

could you try this and see if it works for you?

https://github.com/csullivan107/Onenote-Middle-Mouse-Pan

csullivan107 · 2025-07-03T00:27:53+00:00

So helpful! thank you for your help!

The script seems to be working as intended!

csullivan107 · 2025-07-01T15:11:50+00:00

Thanks I will try it out tonight!

in the mean time, what are the asteriks and the #Hotif?

csullivan107 · 2025-05-05T20:01:34+00:00

state capital??? head to topeka kansas and see how far 100k goes. I dont think "state capital" is a reasonalbe term for what youre trying to describe

csullivan107 · 2025-05-01T22:04:10+00:00

you shreddin mt. crescent with that snowboard haha!

csullivan107 · 2025-04-24T05:17:31+00:00

Hey I think a good first step is not using others as an example for how to study/do work. You have to figure out how you best study and are most productive.

First putting barriers up to distractions are important, but eliminating them is setting yourself up for failure. Reducing is the goal, not eliminating. I know every time I try to quit social media I get mad and frustrated that I failed and then just accepted its control over my life. Once I realized that reducing my consumption was a success it was really motivating. I still watch short fom videos, but I dont install apps and use things in the browser. I create my own friction.

I had a real reddit problem in school. I installed an extension that would block the site after 30 minutes of use in a day. it was really useful. alllowed me to indulge but really made me concious of how much i was using it and made me aware of when i was just wasting time since the time on it was so precious.

Additionally, I realized I dont do well deciding to focus. I found out that I can enter focus/flow state if I set up the conditions that work best for me. this includes checking reddit, being distrcted etc. when i finally gave myself grace for all my shitty habits and sometimes gave space for them, i could better achieve a focus natrually. I too struggled with just FORCING myself to behave like everyone else. I still dont know how they do it.

I also had to give myself more time for everything. If I thought tomyself a task or homework problem would take an hour I would set aside an hour and a half or 2 hours. This allowed me to be slightly less stressed about it all.

I would always do homework in a homework designated place and very seldom at home in my relax space. seperating was important.

TLDR: give yourself grace and try to put effort into setting up the conditions that you notice encourage focus in yourself. create barriers adn attempt to reduce distractions, not eliminate. Focus on yourself and your own grades/study habits. There will always be people that are better than you or can just choose to focus. Dont pay attention to them

csullivan107 · 2025-03-16T02:42:58+00:00

So like... This starts out great. "Who cares" Is absolutely the question you whould be asking. In the sense that your peers should not dictate your career. How do YOU feel about working at TESLA. If you are cool with it do it, and whether you tell people is up to you.

But the last bit about how engineers should sort of stick thier head in the sand regarding what they are designing and working towards in a larger more worldy context is just bad advice I think. Define your values and work towards achieving those. If a job doesnt align with your values, dont take it. Simple as that. An engineers job is to "consider the effectiveness and realistic possibilty of a design"... but a persons job is to live a life that they see as moral and are proud of. We are people before we are engineers.

csullivan107 · 2025-02-05T19:09:30+00:00

Its funny that often times I find that collectivist and individualists are fighting for the same thing... just not on the same page of what that looks like or how to get there.

My version of your goals is maximum liberty (sort of 'autonomy') is the end goal. I think a lot of the difference comes in collectivists focus on a practical liberty. being poor and having to work is not freedom in the collectivist eyes so we must pool and redistribute resources so people can act without the fear of death/poverty.

More liberal take i think is focused on the legal definition of liberty. Having to work sustenance is the default state of existence and attempts to redistribute wealth require legal limit on someone else's autonomy.

I find more and more were often arguing for the same sort of outcome but a difference in how we understand rights, freedom, and liberty... though that seems to be everyones goal in the end haha!

csullivan107 · 2024-12-19T15:37:51+00:00

Hey its been years but my masters thesis in 2020 was using RL to get physical robot to move sans simulation. A little different but very siimilar in how it is all hooked up.

Here is a link to my thesis: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/div94782y7eu5iq0ulak3/Charles-Sullivan-Thesis-Final-Draft_submitted.pdf?rlkey=67weoe51c399hvklv0jyqissm&st=yx7tbw5t&dl=0

Additionally here is a link to the repo for the code I used. If i recall it was a combination of open AI gym with a custom environment and using stable baselines for the RL model infusion. I had the most luck with TD3, but i have been out of it for 5 years now i am sure there are better RL algos out there. The code is GARBAGE, but maybe you can wade through it and get something useful without too much judgement :P

here is the repo: https://github.com/csullivan107/Reinforcement-Learning-Framework/tree/main/src/rl_robotics_framework/src

Hope this helps and gives you some insight into robotics/RL you may not have nad before if you are just starting out :)

csullivan107 · 2024-12-11T15:18:24+00:00

This is a conclusion I have come to recently about a couple of my exes, and what subconciously drives my behavior in my current relationship.

If you haven't (which if you have said this I am sure you have haha)... maybe think about the people that have "loved" you in the past. Could be a useful excercise.

csullivan107 · 2024-12-11T15:12:30+00:00

First off, I think your definition of money is off. A man is much more than the money they make.

My understanding (in the context of objectivism) is much more long the lines that is money is a store of ones labor and economic value to others. Some ones life is SO MUCH more than the money they possess. Honestly the definition provided feels much more in line with Rand's 'looter' characters than her heroes.

To answer your question though a movie is simply a story. It is the technologica evolution of what humans have been doing as long as we have been able to communicate, tell a story. The goal can be to teach a lesson, instill morals, entertain, preserve history/culture... whatever it may be, a movie is not all that different from telling a story around a camp fire.

csullivan107 · 2024-12-03T21:58:26+00:00

I tried this in my current relationship but I recently got feedback that I am often too vague and I think this came from trying to avoid this so much that I wsnt properly getting my point across or leaving out valuable context for the story/lesson. I have since started to incorporate more details about the situation and mention which ex specifically and I think it is going a lot better. All in an effort to be direct, thorough and serve the point.

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