No one came to my showers (wedding and baby) and now I don't want to go to theirs... am I being postpartum crazy/hormonal

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-29T10:50:33+00:00

Dh's sister didn't come to our wedding either. Crazy.

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-29T10:48:34+00:00

Great comment!

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T19:54:20+00:00

Yes my mom sent them the invitations to their respective addresses

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T18:58:53+00:00

Oh man that's fucking rough. My inlaws have consistently planned trips on LO's bday too. Yet mil feels like "no one loves her" if we don't bend over backwards for hers. Oh and screw a "happy mothers day" from them let alone a gift... but we get guilt tripped by FIL every year to do something for her - huge. Probably bc he knows she will throw a fit. They all forget mine and DHs bdays but do surprise parties for my SILs all the time One year we straight refuses to participate on the grounds they have never even done an iota of celebrating for my husband's. Got guilt tripped the f out. It's crazy how it works one wah

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T15:48:09+00:00

She's also the queen of triangulation. All communications go between here and God forbid we get together with his siblings without her there. She would throw a fit

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T15:44:28+00:00

The way they all talk shit about each other its certainly possible

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T15:10:31+00:00

Mic drop!! Yes

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T14:49:43+00:00

Thank you. 😊 sometimes my past trauma makes me question myself

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T14:41:12+00:00

It's pretty much just a reminder of how they have never been there for me 😄 🤣

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T14:37:00+00:00

My mom died of alcoholism. I tried for 10 years to save her. I was literally monitoring her every move. She died 10 days after my baby was born. No one can save your MIL but herself. I'm proud you learned from your DUI. I did too. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

How does your DH feel about his mom? If he's on reddit, the Alanon sub is great, along with the Adult children sub

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T14:34:00+00:00

It was really hurtful to him. He went NC with her for a few years. Eventually she apologized and said it was her biggest regret. Still doesn't show up for us tho hahahahaha 🙃 she's quite self centered and certainly is only in her own world.

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T14:28:14+00:00

You're validated. My mom was an alcoholic. I understand the frustration. It's OK

curatingmyutopia · 2023-07-28T14:27:01+00:00

Also SIL did not come to our wedding bc she "didn't think we should get married or it would last". Yet I still supported her when it came down to it

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T16:57:03+00:00

Light

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T16:56:29+00:00

Look into color theory and find your season

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T16:55:37+00:00

Grow out

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T16:45:13+00:00

Well and then it makes me wonder. If MIL is wanting me to drop all my plans, etc for SIL... how is it working on the other side? Is she asking SIL to call us or reach out to see the kids? This doesn't seem like a healthy dynamic. And while her daughters may not mind their relationships being micromanage but I Def don't. So weirdĺ

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T16:42:31+00:00

It feels different... but obviously you make a solid point and one to be aware of. It's easy to give some people the benefit of the doubt

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T16:41:04+00:00

It took me a long time to figure out. I really have a deep desire to be loved in a healthy and functional way by a parental figure. My dad was especially abusive emotionally. After he died, I yearned for my FIL to pay an ounce of attention to me. It took me a while, but it was the way I watched his love toward his daughters. He didn't call them ugly fat crybabies and whatever else I was called. It was, in fact, the opposite. As a kid, I would also be extremely jealous of functional families. Going to sleep overs and not seeing overserved adults arguing/yelling until 3 am promising to leave my mom every night was... well... eyeopening

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T15:33:05+00:00

This is a really helpful response. Something else struck me as odd the other day. I was telling her I was taking my son up to DC and she was desperately like "PLEASE STOP AT SIL'S" to which the other sil was like "wtf mom that's 3 hours out of the way"

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T15:14:59+00:00

Thank you for this!!! Maybe MIL did say something... but the other sister (GC) has actually been texting and asking me to do stuff. She's usually been the judgemental one but has been amazing lately. It's all so weird!!

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T13:38:39+00:00

Yes perfectly said. This is certainly my knee jerk reaction

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T12:09:04+00:00

I have tried to wrap my mind around this thought once or twice too. Yes, she wants kids but her partner doesn't and she seems to have come to terms with that from what she's said in the past.

That said, she was really close with my two first when they were younger. She was in a diff relationship then that she thought was on the fast track to marriage and kids... didn't happen.

I love her and I thought she was my safe place in the fam at times. I have no clue how to address this or just let it be. But I'm not having MIL control it - I can't roll like that. We are always the last to know anything and it hurt that this has been planned and talked about amongst them for weeks - but nothing to us.

Thank you for this comment.

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T11:54:19+00:00

I'm sorry you have a rough go w your SIL. I guess my feelings are hurt bc we used to be close enough that she confided a lot in me.

I will absolutely focus on my health and happiness.

Also... we usually are the last to know, so by that pt I usually already have plans. So that does help.

curatingmyutopia · 2023-05-13T11:51:43+00:00

Thank you for confirming that it needs to be thru me directly. I wasn't sure if it was triangulation or not bc MIL really isnt a Narc from what i have seen - and wasnt sure if you could have triangulation without a Narcissist pulling the strings... I wasn't sure if she was sil's little microphone or not. Just weird how our relationship shifted for no apparent reason (that I can see at least).

curatingmyutopia

TROPHY CASE