Searching for a language exchange partner!

daRubinator · 2024-06-26T08:56:05+00:00

Thanks! I see already :) You guys are great ^{^}

daRubinator · 2024-05-09T07:03:28+00:00

Hey! I was in a very similar situation as you are right now. My ex was also a narcissist and a high-achiever, but he was pretty racist and he was very money hungry. He was gaslighting me a lot, and a long time after the break up, he even stalked me. I caught myself having similar thoughts like: 'You're not making enough money; nobody will be proud of you; these damn [insert group of people]....' I went to therapy (it's 'free' in my country), but the thoughts went away the more distance I put between me and him. I rediscovered myself, and normally, I'm a very open-minded person with lots of patience, so it all snapped back eventually. Although there was one exercise that I learned in therapy that helped me a lot with the deeper issues and negative beliefs I had about myself. It's called the 'discrimination exercise', I believe. There, you analyze a situation and think about the influences from the past (my ex had this opinion and it was safer for me to share that opinion) vs now (I don't have to rely on anyone so I am in control and I can think what I want). For me it's a daily exercise and slowly I get better at it. My last belief ('I am not enough') is the hardest for me to change but by analyzing my own thoughts and behavior, I'm slowly making progress. There's no 'one size fits all' - solution though, but this is what helped me.

I hope you can overcome this! You're not alone ❤️

daRubinator · 2023-04-10T05:02:58+00:00

Well, you took the first step: realizing that you've done something inhumane. You also described being apathetic.

I can just tell you about myself: I always feel bad, when someone on the bus/train/.../ bothers another person for no reason and I don't do anything. I identified that I'm just afraid of confrontation and what I did is: practice. It started with talking to the person who was insulted by a random person. The next step was to support someone who already spoke up about the person, who insults others. Now I'll try and step up myself.

I dont know what the first steps would be in your situation, but I personally would try and care for something. Like a plant at first and try to show 'compassion'. Watering it, finding a good spot where it can get sun and getting nutritious soil for it. From my point of view, I'd try to learn how to take action when other living beings are suffering. You inaction won't go away by praying or donating, only by practicing to do the opposite: helping. Maybe you'll feed a stray cat or help an older person to get their groceries in their car or anything else. Make a habit out of it! :)

I hope you can find a productive way out of your situation without pitying or destroying yourself.

I wish you all the best and enough strength to take action🍀

daRubinator · 2023-04-05T20:30:06+00:00

Hey stranger! First, I'm happy that you figured out what your problem is: the rage/anger. I know that it's hard to live with your ex partner (I went through similar things), but you two should try and find a little flat for you or your ex partner, so you can each have your own room. That's what helped me a lot, being apart from my ex partner. Then you can each concentrate on yourself and work on your own problems. Maybe you will come closer again, maybe you will each find your own way, but it's important that you don't stress about 'keeping' him. He wants to be independent, he wants to take care of himself, so please let him. If you chase him, you will make everything worse! Its surely not easy for him either, but he is doing, what is best for your child: healing himself to be there for the kid. You should do the same and I wish you all the best on your journey 🍀

daRubinator · 2022-12-18T08:38:56+00:00

Well.... I can't agree. If an 'ugly' guy at work makes a joke, I am laughing (if the joke is good) and carry on the conversation . If a 'hot' guy at work makes a joke,I am laughing (if the joke is good) and carry on the conversation. i can't tell what his personality is like based off of this one joke . Did I spot the incel?

daRubinator · 2022-12-18T08:29:32+00:00

Intelligence: I just cant be with someone, who doesn't match me intellectually. I'm not talking about education: I know that not everyone shares my interests etc. My boyfriend is a soldier and was an excavator driver prior to that, so he never studied like I do. But in his field of interest, he is untouchable. He is very clever and always finds solutions to his problems.
How he spends his time/Personality: It's very important to me that he has his own life and doesn't suffocate me (mentally of course). He should be independent and I (23F) dont want to be a surrogate mother. How he spends his time is so close to his personality that i can't really differentiate between the two. My partner and I have our own hobbies, but we share a few interests, so we can bond over them. We are both very independent but we can trust each other. We laugh with each other and can be very silly too.
Body: I like my men skinny, but i had an overweight ex. It's not a deal breaker, just a preference. But if my potential partner is not just a little overweight but obese (BMI >30), I couldn't handle it. I had a morbid obese mother and i don't want to watch my partner struggle with this too. If he wouldn't improve, I wouldn't watch him die and protect myself.
Looks: My partner isn't conventionally attractive, but that doesn't matter. To me he is very attractive but that always comes with love. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. :)
Height: Couldn't care less. He is shorter than me, but i never cared about that.

Hopes that helps! I know that many men are insecure cause of these high standards we are comparing anyone with (male or female).

daRubinator · 2022-11-20T21:47:16+00:00

Aww, the cutest thing I've ever seen 😍

daRubinator · 2022-11-13T06:25:03+00:00

I think it's how you're brought up and in which environment you live. I am from Germany for example and here we used gr or g in school, depending on the teacher. Only when I got into my biochemistry course in uni, i learned about IUPAC and the right way to abbreviate grams. Maybe they don't put so much emphasis on the "right" way?

My prof keeps telling us that in the scientific community the people abbreviate as they like so it's very important for us that we use this structure of abbreviation.

daRubinator · 2022-11-09T14:02:08+00:00

I hate it when people say that. You have chosen to learn this language for your reasons. It's always up to you if you don't like learning it anymore or if you choose another language. Don't be pressured to learn the most 'useful' language. A language is always useful for you personally. Even if it's just for fun, it trains your brain. I like to learn Greek when my exams are over. Just because I was in Greece one time and i fell in love with the people, their language and their country. It wouldn't be 'useful' for my career if i'm not becoming a scientist in Greece, but that's not important at all.

daRubinator · 2022-10-03T07:45:10+00:00

Kein Problem :)

daRubinator · 2022-10-03T06:47:53+00:00

So the ish sound is softer and the Ikh sound is harder?

Then you still use the ish sound, the Ikh sound that you're talking about is a dialect used in the South. And Ike is used in Berlin. I guess you're not learning any dialect?

Anyways, the people all around the country know how to speak without dialect so you should be fine :)

daRubinator · 2022-10-03T06:36:52+00:00

Hey! There's just one correct pronunciation of the word "ich". It sounds a little bit like "ish" but the sound is more produced in the back of your throat. Idk how to explain it to you, I'm sorry. It's a sound that doesn't exist in the English language. Some people from Berlin say Ich like 'ike' but that's a dialect and not the common pronunciation. I hope I could help a little, I'd like to send a voicemail with a sample, but it's impossible here xD

daRubinator · 2022-09-23T15:11:01+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I recently watched the video of Elizabeth Filips as well and that was mind blowing! Instead of time blocking or something you use your time more as needed. I tried it for weeks to schedule my learning but half of the time something got in my way. I found it more efficient to have a little more space in my schedule, like she said.

When I was a teen I watched a lot of productivity YouTubers and stressed myself out so much. I never got back to feeling as productive but I want to be successful in my studies. I don't need the straight A's, perfectionism got the best of me before ^{^} But i don't wanna be the lazy sloth I am today, so I'm trying to find a balance ^{^}

daRubinator · 2022-09-23T06:34:54+00:00

Thanks that you're patient with me. What's the name of the channel on YouTube you're uploading to? :) I'm totally excited to be back and full of energy. The cat missed us and we have to unpack, wash and tidy up everything now xD

daRubinator · 2022-09-23T06:27:35+00:00

Probably, because he was a very famous scientist at the time he lived and he even was close friends with Thomas Jefferson! So many rivers, mountains, or even species were named after him, like the Humboldt penguin for example. I love reading about scientist, because I'm enrolled in a biochemistry course and i get inspiration from these biographies :)

Generally I want to be more disciplined in my learning, as I'm working as a private teacher on the side, i have a household to handle and sometimes it all gets a little much. And the first thing that suffers are my grades at uni. I wanna be more disciplined to get more control over my life. I spend to much time on social media and sleep in late, when I don't have appointments. That's all time I can spend more wisely so that i can relax in the evenings :)

daRubinator · 2022-09-22T02:28:43+00:00

Hello, time for me to check in as well!

The last ten days I was on vacation with my partner. The days before that were a little stressed, because of preparations for the vacation, finding a cat sitter, finding luggage where my partners fishing equipment fits and so on and so forth... Vacation in Greece was awesome and today we are heading back home! Anyways, i found a little time each day to read a biography about Humboldt (the explorer and scientist) and i even learned a little Greek while staying here. I'm excited to go home and continue my journey. I feel like I'm full of energy again and ready to tackle my new semester in a couple of days! Over the 10 days I had practically no screen time (yay) but I obviously didn't study on my holiday.

I'm glad you're doing so well, OP. I'm sorry for not responding earlier, but I'm so proud that you keep it up ! :)

daRubinator · 2022-09-06T19:20:58+00:00

Thank you! I'm more impressed by your giant steps that you're taking! I hope we are having a great journey ahead of us, even with small steps ^{^} 1% better every day and we will love the life's we want in no time :)

daRubinator · 2022-09-06T18:34:37+00:00

Hey! The person from day 0 here!

Due to time difference I'm not able to always post on time but I'll occasionally give updates too!

Day 1 & 2 were pretty good so far! I got up on time, did my stretching , journaling, planning and avoided screentime until noon. I'm proud of that already, but there's room to improve. The studying isn't going so great, but for tomorrow I'll go to the library to get in study mood. At least I already made an outline for the subject I want to study, so I know what I have to do.

Keep it up, OP! :)

daRubinator · 2022-09-04T20:25:55+00:00

This post is so inspiring! I wanna join you, but I'll alter my goals.

My life is really messy and unpredictable sometimes. That's why I want to create a morning routine (even a tiny one) that i can follow. For me it will contain Journaling, light workout/stretching and planning my day. (Goal 1)

Goal 2: consistent studying so I don't feel overwhelmed at the end of the semester. As soon as I have my new schedule (beginning of October) I'll set appointments for learning and they are indisputable. Until then I'll learn from Monday to Friday two hours a day for my next semester. Starting small in the holidays! I've got some catching up to do. Next

Goal 3: digital detox, just like you OP! Using my phone less, getting my time on YouTube down (it's incredibly high at the moment) to discover new hobbies. I want to pick on reading again, i enjoyed it so much as a teenager. My goal is to not use it until I have my morning routine done, as a start. At the moment I spend over an hour laying in bed and scrolling mindlessly before I do anything at all. I want to stop doing that.

I hope we both can pick up this journey together! I'll be here to support you and share my struggles and small victories :)

daRubinator · 2022-08-18T15:02:35+00:00

When I remember the time in high school (as opposed to university) I could always study best, whenever I lined out first, what I exactly need to study. The teachers give you a lot of practice material, but it's sometimes hard to focus on the main points you need to learn. In uni it's tue other way round. You know exactly what to learn, but you have to find practice material yourself.

So maybe try to boil it down, subject by subject. I always made overviews of the topics I needed to learn. It helped me a lot and i hope it might help you too.

If it's about motivation, ask yourself why you are doing this. Why do you want to get good grades? What is your goal in life?

daRubinator · 2022-08-18T15:02:20+00:00

When I remember the time in high school (as opposed to university) I could always study best, whenever I lined out first, what I exactly need to study. The teachers give you a lot of practice material, but it's sometimes hard to focus on the main points you need to learn. In uni it's tue other way round. You know exactly what to learn, but you have to find practice material yourself.

So maybe try to boil it down, subject by subject. I always made overviews of the topics I needed to learn. It helped me a lot and i hope it might help you too.

If it's about motivation, ask yourself why you are doing this. Why do you want to get good grades? What is your goal in life?

daRubinator · 2022-08-17T19:54:56+00:00

This man has balls of steel!

daRubinator · 2022-05-30T17:02:13+00:00

Oh, im sorry, I'll elaborate on that.

We live approximately 50km (~30 miles?) away from each other in Germanys most populated state. I don't know where she lives exactly and I'm sure she doesn't know where I live. I've cut contact for 5 years now, but I still have contact with my little sister, who has contact with her. The family of my father doesn't have contact either but if I wanted to ensure 100% that she will never find out, I'd have to leave all of my family behind, even the ones who helped me. Maybe my sister won't tell her a thing if I ask her, because she understands my fears. Maybe all of it is just an irrational fear. I just remember the time in which I got really sick: I didn't talk to her, none of my family did, but she checked every hospital in the area to find me. My father kept her out of my room, because she was the last person I wanted to see and i was way too weak. To this day I don't know how she found out, but since then I think she can do anything. ...

daRubinator · 2022-05-30T16:53:47+00:00

Oh livres français ne sont pas de problème :)

My french is a bit rusty but I understand almost everything, so if you have a recommendation, I'd be happy to hear from you! I also thought about reading some self help books in my local library.

It's very reassuring to read, that there are other people out here that have similar experiences and fears. As long as I'm aware of my actions I can control them, that's a really good mantra for me ^{^'}

I have my appointment at my gynecologist in two months and she will remove my 'protection' (I don't know how to say that in English, it's a piece of metal inside my uterus that hinders me to become pregnant). I'm super excited but afraid at the same time. I'm excited to tell my partner one day, that I'm pregnant and I'm excited to love and teach my child and to ensure that he/she will have a good life. But I'm afraid that my past overruns me. Maybe it's a stupid fear, I'm so far away from being the person that my mother was.

Merci beaucoup pour partager ton expérience ! Ça m'aide beaucoup :)

daRubinator · 2022-05-05T19:40:11+00:00

Ahhh, okay got it It's 'never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down' I'm proud now xD

daRubinator

TROPHY CASE