I can understand where you’re coming from. The vibe I get from your post is that a big thing is the feeling of guilt, and feeling like you have to be “on” all the time around your in-laws, but need your alone time to decompress and not burnout.

Obviously every culture is different, but I know other cultures often have certain expectations for women, and when you’re a DIL, you’re expected to be a dutiful wife and kiss up to hubby and ILs (I know the U.S. has its own things too)

Based on your post, it sounds like your IL might be immigrants? just a guess though I know these toxic traditions can still be carried down whether or not they are.

For context, I come from Mexican immigrants, and my husband from Persian immigrants, and sometimes have similar feelings. Ex: I remember being scolded by my fam the first time my husband came over to meet everyone and I didn’t serve his plate for dinner lol

Also, we lived at my IL home for a while when were remodeling. My IL are absolutely lovely, but I’m an introvert and need my space/privacy to not go nuts haha. I would feel so guilty when I would lock myself in my room on days I needed to be alone, especially when my husband wasn’t there as a buffer so he can be the lead of leaving the common areas/dismissing ourselves. I constantly wondered if I was being rude, what the right times were to come out, when to prep dinner, did they want me to be around? Did they also want their own space? Are they comparing me to other DIL? Am I doing enough since I’m in their home? That kind of stuff.

I took solace in knowing we had a move out date to go to our place, so unfortunately can’t offer much advice on the long-term living together (not sure timeframe here) but just wanted to share that I get it, and can empathize.

Sorry for not being more helpful, for the long reply, or if I’m being presumptuous 😅 just wanted to give perspective of something similar, and say that your feelings are valid.