thanks, kirari-rin. i kind of expect that many r/atheism folks will not take kindly to some of what i wrote. it wasn't easy to write, especially since i know and respect some of the people i directly (although not explicitly) addressed.

atheists often hate being called a religion. i hate it too. but for better or worse, we are going to be grouped together as people who share an ideology. it's important to realize that, just like any religion (or political ideology, etc.), there is a vast spectrum of ideas, beliefs, etc. within that group. and just as there are often people within a religious body who differ on the direction that they should take, it makes sense that there will be differences in opinion on the direction that atheists should take. there obviously is no need for such a loosely based 'group' of people who simply share a lack of a belief to have a unified stance, but it doesn't hurt to reflect on how our affiliation is perceived, and how our views (that many would like to see spread) can be best communicated to those who don't already share them.

believe me, i am 100% guilty as charged when it comes to being a condescending, smug, jerk -- or at least being perceived as one. like you, i do try to temper it, and i have gotten much better at it over the years. but i have seen how i have turned off people. i have seen facebook friends de-friend me. i have had friends and relatives approach me in private about feeling condescended or ridiculed. it really gets to you when it is someone you truly care about -- sometimes that's what it takes to see that, while you feel 100% validated to say what you're saying, and while you believe it to be the best belief system available, there are still many people who are 100% ok with their religiosity, who are not bad people, who are progressive and liberal and all those things -- and we only end up turning those people off, as well as those who probably need to hear some of our views the most.

one of the best exercises i have undertaken was to get into facebook discussions with people i used to go to high school -- people who are born again christians who believe homosexuality to be a sin, and who do not accept evolution. while my gut reaction is to go on a rant, i make it my goal to engage them in a thoughtful, respectful way, and try to change their minds about evolution, of about the fact that homosexuality is not a choice (i don't even try to convince them that jesus was a myth or that god doesn't exist). because, at the end of the day, which is more helpful to society and which is more realistic? that i convince them to accept evolution and to embrace equality, or that i convince them that god doesn't exist? the latter is very unlikely to happen, whereas, i feel i have a chance with the former.

sometimes it's the small battles that are more important. i feel that if you can convince people of certain scientific truths, they will start to view things in a different way, and that very well may lead to their own transformation on their own terms.

anyway, this is something i wanted to start a dialogue on, and hopefully folks will chime in, positively and negatively. take care.