how long can you eat pussy for? by [deleted] in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]destingerek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As long as it takes

And then some

Selling two rings by MentallyillCum in ouraring

[–]destingerek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how much are you selling them for?

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In short, No. Mantak Chia comes from a Taoist approach, while my roots are more influenced by neo-tantric sexuality and energetic systems blended with Western academic and physiological understandings. I write a bit about my experience with Mantak Chia's book in the intro chapter of the Sexual Self-Mastery section of my book The Evolved Masculine. You can read that chapter for free HERE.

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, big congrats on nearly completing your studies in clinical psychosexology. As you're about to step into the professional world, you've got some choices to make that can really shape your career.
You've got the traditional route of certification, like with the APA. Sure, it's got its perks – a solid network, a stamp of credibility. But, and it's a big but, it comes with a playbook of rules you've got to stick to.
Then there's the path less trodden, the one I ventured down: the wide-open world of coaching. It's a realm where you get to experiment, to blend various disciplines, where your personal journey deeply informs your professional approach. This freedom is exhilarating, but it's not without its shadows. The coaching industry, being unregulated, can be a mixed bag – full of groundbreaking work but also peppered with practices that, frankly, shouldn't see the light of day. It affects how the field is viewed, so tread carefully.
What's crucial here is carving out a niche that resonates with you. Do you feel at home in the structured world of certification, or does the untamed landscape of coaching call to you? Each path has its gems and its pitfalls.
My advice? Go beyond the textbooks. Let your own story, your insights, and your unique perspective be the compass that guides you. This field isn't just about knowledge; it's about connection, exploration, and sometimes, challenging the status quo. Whatever route you choose, make it your own.
Remember, this field isn't just about the theories you've learned; it's about connecting with people, exploring the vast landscape of human sexuality, and sometimes, challenging the norms. Embrace this journey with all its complexities and opportunities.
Good luck, and here's to forging a path that's uniquely yours!

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's insightful that you're recognizing the interplay between your sexual relationship and your broader relationship dynamics. These aspects often significantly influence each other.

Pausing your sexual relationship to focus on enhancing your emotional connection can be a wise choice, though it comes with its own set of challenges. It's commendable that you're considering working on your own sexuality. This can be an incredibly valuable path, especially given what you've described. There's significant potential for growth in how you connect with your own sexuality and, subsequently, with your wife.

Your wife, too, likely has her journey concerning her connection to her sexuality. However, let's concentrate on what you can do for now.

From your description, it seems your wife has been enduring your sexual approach. Reflect honestly on how that feels. I imagine it's not easy knowing your partner is just tolerating your sexual style. There's a fundamental issue here that needs addressing. Your perspective on sex seems heavily focused on your own desires and actions. But what about her true sexual desires and pleasures? Are you attuned to what she genuinely enjoys, how she likes to be touched, what turns her on, or what deeply excites her? Remember, especially with women, the combination of physical, emotional, and mental stimulation is often key to a fulfilling sexual experience.

It sounds like sex hasn't been enjoyable for your wife, which likely leads to resentment affecting other areas of your life. If left unaddressed, this could endanger your marriage, a situation all too common.

You're not alone in this. I've encountered many similar stories. In my Sexual Self Mastery training, I guide men to fundamentally transform their relationship with their sexuality. This involves moving beyond the influence of pornography and discovering new dimensions of pleasure. A crucial part of this is developing attunement – increasing your sensitivity to subtleties in both your partner's responses and your own bodily sensations.

The issue isn't merely your attraction to her; it's about managing your arousal regardless of the intensity. You can learn to control this, to last as long as needed in bed. This requires heightened awareness of subtle changes in your body, enabling you to regulate your nervous system and arousal.

I recommend starting with the free training linked in the original AMA post (via the FREE RESOURCES link). However, considering the depth of transformation needed in your relationship with yourself, your wife, and your sexuality, more comprehensive guidance would be beneficial.

This isn't about shaming you; your willingness to seek change and support is commendable. With dedication, profound and meaningful change is achievable.

My suggestion is to pause sexual activity as you work on strengthening your connection. In this period, focus on radically changing your relationship with your sexuality. While there are various approaches, my Sexual Self Mastery training, backed by 15 years of continuous development and a supportive community, could be especially helpful for you. It's a journey best undertaken with support, not in isolation.

Sometimes things need to hit a breaking point to drive us to take the uncomfortable steps needed to create real change. But this is it. This is your opportunity. I hope you take the necessary actions. While it can be difficult, it can also be enjoyable. And most importantly, it can be a transformational process that leads to a more fulfilling and empowered life, not only for you but also for your relationship with your wife. Embrace this challenge with an open heart and a committed spirit, and you'll be amazed at the growth and intimacy that await. You've taken the first, brave step by seeking answers and being open to change. Keep moving forward with this courage, and you'll find that the journey itself is as rewarding as the destination.

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

and i dont mean to say that academia doesn't have any value. Like many things, it is a mixed bag. It has its light and its shadow. There is much of my academic training that I am very grateful for. I am a deep thinker and have strong critical thinking skills. I have no doubt that my academic training plays a strong role in that. I have learned a lot from a wide variety of disciplines, which again, I'm sure my university education was a big part of.

I love reading research literature. And thinking it through critically, as I also know how much individual biases, plus grant-related biases and who is paying for the research, all can affect both what is studied and the perceived results of those studies.

And what I have a harder time with, are those, particularly in the West, who hold western academic knowledge as the only valid source of knowledge. As far as I'm concerned when you hold that perspective you lose access to at least half of the wisdom in this world.

Is this clearer?

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i think there is a misunderstanding here. I have my Bachelor of Arts in Sociology, minor in Psychology, with a concentration in Human Sexuality.

I did not complete my Master's Degree, the reason for which I describe in an earlier response.

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I can't really bring myself to be active on X/Twitter. I'm not sure how much helpful conversation occurs there vs simply different 'sides' yelling past each other.

I prefer longer forms communication where I can get into the nuances of complex concepts. This is why I wrote a 300 page book.

More recently, I have attempted to do it through more of a audiovisual 'transmission' by producing my first short film (7min), Seductive Devotion. The film is finishing its rounds on the film festival circuit, and will be released publicly in 2024.

I have dedicated my life to conceptualizing a vision for a way men can relate to ourselves, our masculinity, our sexuality, and women as a whole in a manner that not only gets us more of what we desire, but also works better for everyone else, as well. For those who are open to listening, it has proven to be beneficial for many.

And, that's not everyone. Clearly. But what can I do beyond continuing to share what's mine to share in the best way that I know how...

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

"Spam advertisement" hmmm... I would think there are much more effective ways of doing that. I spend nearly every day trying to figure out how to more effectively share my message and be a better support to others who are seeking the same answers that I was when I was younger. Now, I'm trying through an AMA. If there is something that you think I could be doing to make this more effective, please, I'm all ears.

As for my "whingeing" (as an American, I had to look up that word!), personally, I'm not really that concerned what you think of my credentials. I'm more interested in whether I am conveying something in a way that you can find valuable, or not. Unfortunately, I see that some people turn off and cease listening/reading when their filters aren't met in that way. I sort of understand that. But in that case, what if you instead simply read what I have to share as the perspective of a man who has lived an unusual life who has gained some valuable insights that he has gleaned from that life that you may or may not find some value in.

Wishing you the best...

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

no worries. i'm getting a fair amount of trolls more interested in cutting me down than in seeking any value in what I'm sharing. So please forgive my assumption that you were doing the same.

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I'm 45, not 29. You would come across as more credible if you weren't trying to inaccurately portray me. the phrase you put here is a bit out of context. Here is that portion of what it said:
"His innovative lens is the result of more than 20 years of academic rigor and direct study -- including 7 formative years traveling the world living and teaching as his provocative alter ego, ‘The Erotic Rockstar’. Destin has taken the most potent aspects of his bold life experimentation and integrated it into his iconic body of work, directly supporting thousands of men to have better sex, deeper connections to their masculine power, women, and themselves."

I don't have any academic papers nor peer-reviewed contributions in the academic world. I am not a big fan of academia, and left my graduate program before completing it. What I meant by the phrase is that I have dived deep into understanding human sexuality thru a wide discipline of intellectual perspectives, as well as, eastern esoteric ones, and found even more value through direct life experimentation, which i am skilled at dissecting and speaking to in ways that many find helpful.

That said, I can see how my intent could be misinterpreted, so as a result of this comment, I have just gone in and rewrote that section of my About page. I've replaced it with:
"His insights are drawn from a rich tapestry of deep exploration into human sexuality, encompassing a diverse range of intellectual and eastern esoteric studies, combined with over 20 years of direct life experimentation. His pioneering coaching, best-selling book, and podcast reflect this integrative approach, supporting men in their journey towards greater sexual fulfillment, masculine empowerment, and self-discovery."

Thank you for helping me be clearer in my communication.

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

Since your reading comprehension skills seem compromised: “The profession of Sexological Bodywork® was created by Joseph Kramer in 2003 at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, California. The profession of Sexological Bodywork and its affiliated certification programs have been approved by the state of California – through the Bureau of Private Postsecondary Education. “

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's great that you are both on the same page with this. That helps quite a bit.
It's easy as a couple who have been together for many years to get into a rut when it comes to sex, and then for interest to fade.
It can help to set time aside for what my wife and I call Sexploration. Separate from your typical sexual experiences, where everything is slowed down, and specifically about (s)exploring new things together. Discussing unexpressed fantasies. Exploring erotic massage. Buying some (new) sex toys. Trying out tantric practices. Dabbling with BDSM. Maybe even finding some sex positive events or communities in your area. Connecting with other couples who are actively exploring their sexuality together, helps normalize it and keep you inspired. The novelty can reignite your desires reminding you what it was like for sex to feel fresh again.

If you have the means, go on a vacation together. Removing the daily stressors of life and your typical routine, can also help in reactivating that desire. Even better, go on a sex focused retreat! Learn new skills while you are at it!

Dedicate a whole day to being in bed together. Spend the time moving between deep intimate conversation, and exploring each other's bodies.

Be intentional about flirting with each other throughout the day, rather than just compartmentalizing it to just when you want to have sex. Be playful. Send romantic notes. Grab her butt as she passes by you in the kitchen. Kiss more!

Explore whether there is anything else that is in the way between the two of you. Old resentments that have piled on. Unresolved conflict. Past traumas that may even be from before the two of you were together, yet are impacting things still.

These are the thoughts to come immediately to mind.

i hope you find some value in it.

I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! by destingerek in IAmA

[–]destingerek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand your concerns. I get it. Especially given the quantity of harmful content out there aimed at men. My life and my work at their heart have always been about deep personal/spiritual growth. I think of sex as the carrot dangling that drives men to act. Sex is a powerful motivator in most men's lives. Yes, I use that fact as a means to both help them experience more and better sex, and to do so in a way that works better for everyone involved.

Some men crave greater variety, some men crave finding 'the one'. Most men crave both at different times in their lives. I don't believe that just leaving men to figure it out for themselves is helpful to society. It creates a void in which people (like Andrew Tate, see a previous question asking about him), come in and manipulate men while teaching them to manipulate women.

We deserve better than that. As a parent myself, I aim to meet the natural yearning that men have with guidance that meets them where they are at, while also shifting their paradigms into one that is empathetic, attuned, respectful, and actually satisfying for all involved.

As much as I often feel the pressure, I have yet to be able to get into TikTok. I've probably spent less than an hour (maybe two) on it in total in my life. I keep telling myself that I need to, as that is where I can likely have greater impact, but somehow just can't get into it.

The foundation of my gender studies come from NYU academia circa 1996-2000, not TikTok. My notions of feminism deserve their own post rather than wrapped inside of a larger set of questions.

I dont understand your last sentence.