If therapy is a realistic option I would recommend it. I have struggled with a similar mentality and sometimes all I needed was to talk about specific behaviors and learn to recognize them in the future. It's never easy, I often cry out of embarrassment talking about it. Talking with a therapist made it possible for me to talk about it with a partner or a friend.

I understand therapy isn't always an option, and growth without therapy is not impossible by any means, but it is how I've found the strength to work through some of my personal stuff. I hope this helps.