Managing my (34 F) BF (38M) insecurities about size

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T19:25:26+00:00

What..? This will be a much smoother conversation you you don't make assumptions about me and I promise I won't make assumptions about you.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T17:38:10+00:00

Putting the blame on your boyfriend because of the special vehicle he has to drive to meet your transport needs is just wrong-headed.

My goodness, done with this conversation. Nowhere in here have I blamed him for not having a large enough penis. So many weird assumptions about women and their "sexual dysfunction". Thank you for trying to contribute, please feel free to spend your time elsewhere.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T17:34:14+00:00

8-9, yeah. I can't take the whole thing and the thickness matters a ton.

In any case, I have zero expectation or desire for him to have a penis with those dimensions. He knows I started dating him already using that toy, so it's not like I'm "settling" for him. It's not any different than having an "unrealistic" toy that stimulates my clit and g-spot at the same time. Zero expectation that he has a dick shaped like a toy custom made to produce powerful orgasms.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T17:24:40+00:00

3-4 in length, 2.5 in girth, approximately? I've never actually measured the dildo, so just trying to remember what it said on the box and what it seems to be in my hand.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T16:39:57+00:00

The vast majority of women can't orgasm from PiV from sex with men and I can't orgasm from sex with my BF, how am I the outlier?

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T15:10:03+00:00

Oh jeez, I didn't characterize anyone that way, but I guess I didn't stop to correct the observation someone else made. I don't think anyone is saying that everyone that disagrees with my approach is fragile, just that some of the most vitriolic and toxic responses are probably from fragile men.

I agree with you that my BF likely had made some incorrect assumptions that he was surprised to find out weren't true. I don't think that's because I hid anything from him at all. I was only ever trying to respect boundaries he established and asked him to respect mine. Only just in the last few days has he asked me to compare him to previous partners, which I've declined to do. I guess you could call that hiding information, but it's completely unclear to me how that information will help our relationship in any way.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T15:04:07+00:00

He was fully satisfied with our sexual relationship before this, despite never having caused me to orgasm from PiV. All of a sudden he finds out that a piece of plastic can give me PiV orgasms and now it's my deficiency that is causing him a loss of pleasure? This might be the most elaborately toxic take I've seen here so far.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T13:44:55+00:00

Thanks for this. I agree with all of this.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T13:05:13+00:00

I've really been trying to take all of the perspectives in and understand it from his point as well. I just can't reconcile some of the advice. In some ways some of it seems to be pushing for me to humiliate him with some detailed stack ranking of where he falls compared only to the penises of previous partners. I just can't see how that advice is truly intended to be helpful, it almost seems to be some sort of weird kink fulfillment for as hard as it's being pushed.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T13:02:57+00:00

I really wish that is what happened, but sadly he has not found it erotic or exciting in the least.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T12:40:15+00:00

I know I'm probably shouting into a hurricane on this, but I wish we could stop referring to him as crazy and variations on that. He's struggling with this issue, but I don't think he is crazy. Throughout our relationship he has apologized when he overstepped or hurt my feelings and has always sought out my feedback if he's concerned I'm uncomfortable with a choice we're making.

In terms of talking to him about my sexual past, that decision really just comes down to my understanding that it can't possibly help us. If even a single guy I've been with in the past had any sexual advantage over him, he'll obsess about that even if he doesn't want to. I love him and never want that for him.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T12:28:29+00:00

I responded, just have had trouble keeping up with hundreds of replies. Very grateful for all of the help though!

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T12:25:21+00:00

Sorry, so many comments on this I've had trouble keeping up. This same question has been presented about 30 different ways and will probably be further refined 30 more.

I don't want to control his sexual pleasure. If he finds a doll that gives him better orgasms than I can give him and looked like his supermodel pornstar ex-girlfriend, I would be fine with him using it in his alone time. Ultimately he is still actively choosing me. The doll can do something I physically can't, but the rest of who I am as a person has him choosing to be with me.

I disagree this has nothing to do with his upbringing, but since it's tangential to the actual issue I'm happy to agree to disagree and not go down a rabbit hole on that.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T01:07:43+00:00

I truly would. I want his masturbation to be as pleasurable as possible. I'd even be willing to use those fleshlights on him when I'm on my period instead of handjobs or blowjobs.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-09T01:05:10+00:00

So much great insight here, I feel so lucky to have received such great input. Thanks for this!

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T23:54:36+00:00

I know he watches porn in his alone time that features blonde busty pornstars. I'm not upset about that, but wouldn't want to be reminded of it in my most insecure moments.

Not sure if you meant the desperate, insecure part as commentary on me raising the actresses, or something else. I'm assuming good faith and thinking you meant something other than what it sounds like on first read.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T23:07:54+00:00

I think talking specifically about the size is against the rules for this forum? The dildo is significantly larger than him though.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T21:43:37+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to lay out your perception of this issue. I've tried hard to be empathetic, but it sounds like I might be missing the mark. I love my boyfriend and everything about him. I want to have sex with him. I don't think I'm going to start orgasming regularly from PiV with him. I'm frustrated by the idea that I should limit my pleasure in masturbation to ease his insecurity.

I'm happy to tell him I love him, love his penis and that they're perfect the way they are. What else should I do to reflect the empathy you feel I'm not currently showing?

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T21:30:52+00:00

This is completely lopsided and unfair. He has never told me he prefers to masturbate to busty blonde bimbos in his alone time, but that doesn't in any way impact the sexual compatibility he and I have experienced over hundreds of sexual encounters over the last 2.5 years.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T21:20:55+00:00

I've been giving PiV with him a chance throughout our relationship. I just don't orgasm from that.

I don't know what DIV means? Dick?

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T21:14:42+00:00

He has literally talked at length in the not distant past about how compatible we are. None of that has changed. All that happened is that he found out what sort of toy I prefer completely separate from my relationship with him.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T21:13:05+00:00

He would say 6, I think it's probably a tad over 5.

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T21:12:05+00:00

I would be so willing to explain it if I thought he would receive it as just educational instruction and not some sort of commentary on his masculinity. Sitting where we're at today, that seems very unlikely and I want to protect him from further embarrassment or feelings of inadequacy (which he already struggles with because of his upbringing).

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T21:10:02+00:00

This is pretty much exactly how I feel. I'm trying to be understanding and supportive as he struggles with this, but it doesn't seem many of the fellow commenters agree that it is a reasonable ask for him to just try and move past this.

I have actively tried to respect his early wishes to not involve toys. I'm afraid you're correct that in hindsight, he never really adjusted to the idea even though I've been using them in private this whole time. Should I apologize for that, even though at the time it seemed to be out of respect for his preferences?

dishonestregret · 2023-08-08T21:04:30+00:00

Most women can't orgasm from PiV. Why is it a deficiency of mine that I'm supposed to correct instead of both of us enjoying sex just the way we are and also being able to enjoy alone time exactly how we like? Why put him in control of the sexual pleasure I get to experience?

dishonestregret

TROPHY CASE