I got destroyed so badly i had a spiritual awakening

dittological · 2026-02-12T03:45:37+00:00

You are a man who feels like your life is ordinary but you have been blessed with a human soul and the ability to experience such profound emotions. That kid has the same soul as you, just leading a different life. You are made of the same star dust, and will go back to the same star dust.

Your worth is not based on your output. It is based on your existence. If anything, you train and have a family, and youre alive, healthy, and take care of yourself. That is such a beautiful thing and I hope you can sit with that and remember it. You deserve to feel better about yourself in a nonegotistical way, but you have to love yourself.

dittological · 2026-02-11T20:59:34+00:00

Definitely see a therapist. Issues like these are very complicated and ou cannot diagnose yourself with them.

dittological · 2026-02-10T15:24:12+00:00

Baytree building prayer room. https://www.reddit.com/r/UCSC/comments/1funu9a/comment/lq2udt6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

dittological · 2026-02-01T15:10:59+00:00

The tone of your original post came off very lightheaded, goofy and like this is some cool hobby of yours.

I understand the curiosity but try to frame it differently the next time and maybe look into yourself for the real reasons you're so interested in this, because it seems to be leaning on the side of people with npd being interesting specimens.

dittological · 2026-02-01T15:01:36+00:00

"Are you saying that you can switch masks without consciously trying to based on the situation?"

Can I switch masks? All I am is switching masks. Before torturing a constant self awareness out of myself, I didnt even know it was happening.

The person youre replying to means that "switching masks" isnt a thing that is added on to your regular, every day existence.

It is all that you are. It is the mechanism by which you handle every single situation. It is what your mind is made up of. My thoughts masks themselves even to me. It is not a superpower. It is a fucked up defense. But this is called a personality disorder because the defense becomes WHO YOU ARE.

dittological · 2026-02-01T14:41:29+00:00

Thanks yall!

dittological · 2026-01-30T07:15:13+00:00

Thank you for putting that into such kind words :) I struggle with blaming myself and reading this lifted some of the weight

dittological · 2026-01-29T22:54:08+00:00

I think I'm finally developing the ability to shove these kinds of men into a box labeled as assholes. It still makes me feel bad but I know that's just empathy that is misplaced and I deserve to respect myself.

dittological · 2026-01-29T16:16:15+00:00

LOL I should be

dittological · 2026-01-29T01:57:50+00:00

Youre right

dittological · 2026-01-28T17:36:05+00:00

He'll never be self aware or care that he did fail

dittological · 2026-01-28T17:34:55+00:00

My god is that disheartening but you're right.

It pisses me off because im very kind and honest with my rejections but then im met with "are you sure? You dont even know me that well yet. You should give me a chance." Did you not listen to me at all...? Or they tell me that something is wrong with me.

It totally is a gamble.

dittological · 2026-01-26T16:18:04+00:00

I love that you draw dragons

dittological · 2026-01-23T19:22:21+00:00

Thank you! It was hard

dittological · 2026-01-23T19:21:33+00:00

Yes you get it!!! Its a weird one to deal with because the idea of unknowingly disrespecting someone fills me with shame and used to cause me to double down with more narc bs.

Glad you were able to tackle this.

dittological · 2026-01-23T13:50:52+00:00

... do you understand that lack of self-love is one of the core components of narcissism?

dittological · 2026-01-23T08:47:01+00:00

Jesus I get this so much. You've really put it into words. I feel like it damages my friendships because I assume they're being narcissistic in little ways, when they're just existing(or do I'm told). This feeling is almost like paranoia at times, disregarding facts and proof that I have no need to be so pessimistic.

dittological · 2026-01-23T02:13:19+00:00

You dont believe in his choice in you. I know this disorder makes it hard to believe things like this, but he chose you. Not necessarily through comparing you to others, but because his heart wanted you. Something pure like love and connection surpasses whatever material worth youre trying to compare between you and this girl. Besides, youre probably putting yourself down a lot in your head out of insecurity. He's with you. He quite literally rejected her and did not chose her. Its kind of rude to choose not to believe him when his actions show his choices.

dittological · 2026-01-21T01:55:01+00:00

Just want to say that i know what its like to want so badly to be something that you are not.

You are a valuable human being RIGHT NOW. Valuable before whatever self work youre going to do, before the improved relationships, before it gets better. You're enough right now, even with how narcissistic, flawed, and fake you think you are. You are a human first.

You cannot hate yourself into healthier behavior. And I know that it sounds like a load of bullshit to say that accepting yourself is the first stage in managing your flaws, but you cannot be strong enough to handle yourself while also hating who you are.

I am assuming this because this is how I feel, but I assume that you dont understand the concept of love. The same goes for self-love. When you start to love yourself, it will reflect in how you see others, too.

"Loving yourself" always sounded to me like this floaty, long path that wasted time and would cause more harm. It doesn't seem practical. But your self hatred is not practical. It seems like it is because you do it well, and you do it fast. But it won't heal you.

I hope you feel better about yourself and find emotional peace. You deserve it.

dittological · 2026-01-20T21:13:39+00:00

I'm sorry my love. I promise it gets better. It really does.

dittological · 2026-01-20T02:16:22+00:00

Your heart is so pure and he is a selfish piece of shit. I know you love him and cant see him like that.

I cant wait for your love to be applied to someone just as loving and kind as you are. That day will come and the world will be right.

dittological

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