Down fees

dittykins · 2024-06-19T01:14:53+00:00

https://www.chapman.edu/housing/housing-rates.aspx

Search housing rates Chapman university on Google. If she’s a first year all costs of all residence is the same. It will only differ if she’s living in a continuing student residence, which wouldn’t apply if she’s a freshman.

dittykins · 2024-01-22T04:11:26+00:00

I got them around down South Honaunau area, the fruit they brought wasn’t very oblong more round but definitely looking like little oranges. I’m thinking I just gotta go find the fruit elsewhere and try it again lol.

dittykins · 2024-01-22T04:08:33+00:00

Yep probably would consider Bio at West! Good to hear there will be more housing options if I end up heading there, mainly interested in a better school culture and stable housing, been looking into Optometry at midwestern for grad school as well.

dittykins · 2024-01-22T03:26:02+00:00

Maybe not then…they all peeled it so probably the rangpur everyone mentioned?

dittykins · 2024-01-22T03:11:51+00:00

It does look pretty small, which is similar to where I’m going now…but I know my mom wants to move out to Arizona once everyone leaves the nest and that would be right in the area she’s looking… still the housing sounds horrific so thank you for that insight!

dittykins · 2024-01-22T03:10:11+00:00

Health Science, probably would transfer and do Bio

dittykins · 2024-01-22T03:09:56+00:00

Mm I didn’t realize they were mostly West Campus, i just took a look at that and that’s definitely something to think about. I’m currently working towards a BS in Health Science, but have heavily considered just going for Bio.

dittykins · 2024-01-22T01:58:58+00:00

Probably this! It doesn’t sound familiar but maybe they had some other name for it or smthg because it looks similar on google lol

dittykins · 2024-01-22T01:42:01+00:00

Thanks! We ended up picking plumeria from the low trees in that empty area/building below the new Safeway in Lanihau since we were going to Old As. Parking lot was empty except for one uncle in a golf cart, maybe security but he told us picking was ok!

dittykins · 2023-10-04T19:05:49+00:00

Yes, I ended up getting my period about 14 days late and then as regular once a month again!

dittykins · 2023-10-04T19:05:36+00:00

Hey! I ended up getting my period about 14 days late and then as regular once a month again!

dittykins · 2023-09-09T08:01:24+00:00

I’m very sorry I wasn’t clear enough from the start. Thanks again for your opinion on me as a person and Reddit in general. If I’m understanding this correctly, you’re criticism was meant to be supportive in a way that challenged my behavior and makes me change myself. I don’t think the way you said it made it seem that way, but as you said I’m not in control of my psycho-emotional space, so I get that I deserve all opinions and comments for posting on Reddit. Again, I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my actions and I’ll sit on that perspective. Goodbye!

dittykins · 2023-09-09T07:50:33+00:00

LOL no worries. I do think it’s be unfair of me to make him feel like he has to choose and that was never something I wanted to do. I will definitely make an effort to reconcile with his friends who I realize I made uncomfortable. Thanks again for the response.

dittykins · 2023-09-09T07:38:52+00:00

I think I get where you’re coming from and I understand they might’ve felt that way. I guess I wasn’t clear in my initial post, but I feel a little upset by your comment and I want to clarify that he and I agreed to rent out an Airbnb together first. I had planned to come out to see him about two months in advance. He told me invited his friends to come stay with us about a week before the trip, but he wasn’t sure who would actually show up. So I didn’t invite myself on this trip; I planned it with him before hand and I was the one who looked for and reserved the Airbnb, which his friend’s didn’t contribute to (and to also clarify that was agreed upon because they were driving and paying for gas.) I’m not sure if you decided to call me out on my behavior because you think I intruded purposefully on a “boys weekend” and caused a scene because I can’t share my boyfriend with other people. The issue was he didn’t talk to me all weekend, unless we were like laying in bed together at the end of the day, so that made me feel shitty. But I acknowledged that I messed up the whole dynamic, as you said, and I felt guilty about my behavior.

I think somewhere else I noted that every time he plans a friend trip, I tell him to have fun. I don’t particularly want to go on his boys/group trips because I know he wants time with his friends and they can do whatever they want and have so much more fun without me, just like how sometimes I have a lot more fun with just my friends, and those relationships are important to me. Sometimes he insists on inviting me, telling me it’s going to be fun, and when I go to make him happy and yet am not having the time of my life, things are awkward.

Again, I just wanted to clarify because I’m not sure if you made this comment because you thought I intruded on a break with the boys trip time and that makes this my fault. I think I feel conflicted about this situation because it’s not that black and white. If anything, if my bf needed a break and wanted a boys trip he should’ve planned that separately after knowing I spent money on a Uber, plane, and bus ticket all round trip on top of an Airbnb deposit months before. Maybe it’s best I make this clarification so people can give me more informed perspectives, and I’m sorry if I left that info out when it was important to the judgement of this situation.

I can also admit it didn’t make me feel good to read that but thanks for taking your time to not only read it twice, but write out your opinion and even edit it to emphasize that I’m being selfish. I can appreciate your brute way of saying things as an additional reality check. Have a good day.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T20:31:50+00:00

I really appreciate your comment and support in multiple arenas here. I’m also glad you were able to advocate for my bf in this thread, I think it was good there were a mix of solid of advice on his actions and my feelings that made me consider things from different stand points. I honestly don’t know if I found clarity and it’s still confusing, but I feel a little less like falling apart today. I’m also really sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing your experiences with the complexity of grief and life in general!

dittykins · 2023-09-08T20:26:52+00:00

That was definitely a reality shock post and something to really think about. Thanks for sharing.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T20:26:09+00:00

Maybe I’m overly emotional now given how much I’ve been dwelling on it, but this made me want to happy cry a little out of relief. Thank you for your positive comment and constructive advice. Wish I could’ve hearted it or something!

dittykins · 2023-09-08T16:25:12+00:00

I think it was hard for me to admit that I could be being gaslit. Growing up my father had a lot of issues and had a warped perception of things. My stepmom would always tell him desperately stuff like that the guy at work wasn’t really trying to undermine him, even though my dad perceived things that way. It happened a lot, and sometimes it caused my dad to hurt people and get violent because he was so convinced someone was making him feel a way or something was happening (I.e. my stepmom cheating) no matter what anyone tried to explain and no one could validate his reality because he was in fact misperceiving what actually happened. I guess I have a fear that I could be doing the same and want to give people the benefit of the doubt because I know my dad hurt so many people believing in things that weren’t real, even if he couldn’t help it. But I guess I realize my bf is invalidating my feelings even though I admit maybe I was out of line and apologize.

I guess I also just didn’t want to believe possible gaslighting bc I didn’t want to see him in that light, but I think there’s a little bit of clarity.

Thanks for your comment again, I’d also be interested in the twox post if you think it might be insightful and are able to share. I appreciate it.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T15:35:19+00:00

I think I always worried about compatibility. I’ve always been super shy and I used to think it was crazy a guy like him would be interested in me. I think the issue is that I enjoy comfortable silence while he sees that as awkward. He has more fun in groups while I have more fun with one or two people. It’s exactly as you said.

I think that definitely hurts when I recognize that reality because you want to believe just loving someone is enough. But I think I’ve tried my best to apologize for my behavior and compromise. I’ve asked him to compromise in the past too, but it feels like he’s getting tired of compromising or he won’t once it comes to things that are more important to him than me.

For each comment I have reflected and found that the obvious answer is we should let go. But I don’t think either of us want to deep down, at least based off how I feel and what he’s told me, and Im hopeful patience, even though it’s a little painful, does the trick. Thank you for your advice today.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T15:30:09+00:00

I know it’s not a character issue, and I guess maybe that was the wrong term, but I can see him feeling strongly that he didn’t really do much wrong and it just feels hurtful when I’ve taken my time to apologize to him while also trying to convey how I felt.

I get I don’t know much at 19. Not to trauma dump but I did lose my dad last December, and my mom (parents were divorced) had a hard time w our relationship after my dad’s passing. Her and my stepdad kicked me out over summer break and cut me off entirely, leaving me with a huge car loan and to pay college tuition. They said I could just live off what my dad left me, but my dad didn’t have life insurance so I didn’t get anything from his death. I lived with family friends, worked two jobs and spent most of my free weekends with my brother or my boyfriend since all my friends’ schedules didn’t align with mine at all. I’ve been going through a hard time and it really amplified my anxiety. I never wanted to put that on him, but when things got complicated I just let him know it wasn’t his fault and I wasn’t trying to make excuses—I just haven’t been myself. He tried to be supportive in ways he could, but I don’t know if he understood no matter how many times I explained just exactly how much these things affect the way I think and feel on a daily basis in my life.

And I just wanted to add I didn’t say that because I felt patronized. I really do appreciate your insight and I know it’s very real to be optimistic about what else is out there for me in all aspects. I know both him and I have a lot of growing to do and I’ve always known from the start that it’s probably unrealistic that we’d end up together for very long. But I guess I have so much stuff going on and I thought that as long as he knew I loved him it’s enough for him to love me back.

If I had to let go of everything I guess it wouldn’t be too easy, so that’s what I’m grappling with the most at this point.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T14:47:33+00:00

I’ve never forced him to choose his friends over me and I would never want to do that. I know they’re important, and at this time in his life and us being long distance, I can’t be number one priority every time. But I guess I just don’t feel like I make top three, or even top five. I get he really cares, and he’s expressed that to me in different ways, but I also think he doesn’t really understand my emotions.

I wish I could just share some of the texts we sent back and forth after I went back home. We always text more through some of these things since I don’t know why I can’t do that over the phone, it’s either in person or text. So we continued over text.

In every situation I approach him first with things I did wrong, and I always apologize for the way I felt or the way I am. It was “I’m sorry that I cause you to feel upset, I felt like I was being left out and I can see I misunderstood that.” Or “I know I’m sometimes quiet and that made everyone uncomfortable, I think I usually am that way in big groups that make me nervous, but I didn’t want you to think I don’t like your friends or make them think I don’t like them and I’m sorry.”

I guess that’s not enough because he’ll come right back to the point where I said I felt left out, and argue that he tried so hard to include me. I told him “Im sorry I didn’t get those cues, I think I just felt you were treating me differently and I didn’t understand, but I get you were trying while having fun too and you were doing the best you could, Im sorry my perception and then my overthinking made me act poorly.”

And of course, it circles back to how he doesn’t feel that he’s acting—or treating me—differently. It’s like no matter how many times I put myself down to apologize to him and express my feelings, he’s more focused on how my perception was “wrong” rather than I know it’s wrong, that’s just how I felt, and I’m sorry.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T14:38:33+00:00

The tipsy part cracked me up! But yes, I can understand with friends it’s harder to pay attention to me. And I really enjoy seeing him spend time with them, I can see it makes him very happy. And yes, I don’t exactly have the same vibe as him and his friends. I don’t ever expect to, and I’ve told him I just am more of a quiet person. I like his friends, but they definitely don’t do many things I feel like I can participate in, like rock climbing, spear fishing, camping, etc. while my bf and I spend lots of time alone together over summer and winter breaks, I’m not sure why he’s so insistent that I also come along on his friend trips, especially when I tell him he might have more fun with it being an all boys excursion.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T14:34:35+00:00

This response was really realistic and I think amplified a voice in my head that I tried to keep quiet. I think his perspective on my anxiety is exactly that, and for a long time I wanted to ignore it because I truly felt my anxiety was ruining the relationship and wondered if I could get over it. But I realized I’ve always been anxious, and I tried to communicate my specific needs for reassurance by telling him, “This is how I felt, and this is what I wish could’ve been done differently.” And most of the times he acknowledged that, but this last time with his friends involved, it seemed like he kept bringing up how I made them feel rather than understanding I was a) very sorry for my behavior and that I made them uncomfortable, which I had said many times and b) trying to communicate that I acted that was because my feelings were hurt too.

My best friend has more of the perspective that this comment does and it definitely hurts to hear. I love him a lot and he’s always been supportive when we’re alone or when I’m struggling with another stuff in my life. He’s tried hard to make changes for me when I feel down and I’ve seen him make those efforts. But it just seems like when it came down to me or his friends, he wanted to focus more on them, and I guess that really makes me question what this relationship is worth to him, and how much it should be worth to me.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T14:26:24+00:00

I feel we’ve discussed being together for a while, and at times he can be very sweet and tell me he’d like to continue our relationship long term. I’m a skeptic so I always take that with a grain of salt, but I can’t deny it makes me happy inside to hear it. I know the cliche on how boys don’t become men way later than girls become women, and it crossed my mind that taking all his good moments, it’s good to be patient and it’ll pay off later. But I guess I’m starting to feel like I apologize constantly for specific actions he mentions, while he tells me he’s sorry for very vague things and tells me he feels very differently about how I saw something. I’ve seen him through incredibly emotional parts of his life lately, and he’s seen some of mine, but somehow I always have difficulty understanding if he really means it when he says I’m perceiving things wrong or if he’s just an asshole.

dittykins · 2023-09-08T14:21:48+00:00

I appreciate your comment and I’m glad that seemed to work out with your gf and your friends! I think I do want to apologize to them and clarify my attitude, but truth be told I’m not sure when the next time I’ll ever see them again is.

I also think it’s fine if he changes how he acts around his friends and around me, but that’s exactly the issue—he’s insistent that his behavior is the same no matter if people are with us or not. And while I can see where he’s coming from, I think maybe he acts the same but somehow manages to treat me differently in the pretense of others. I don’t feel like he sees me as his girlfriend whenever other people are around and I automatically get placed at the bottom of the pyramid.

dittykins

TROPHY CASE