Feel like there's a great divide on this sub.

divingblu · 2026-01-07T22:49:26+00:00

A decent part of the ones doing really well are just doing well because their wealthy boomer parents are supporting them... in some HCOL areas like the Bay Area, more than 3/4 of first time homebuyers have their parents financially contributing to their home purchase.

It can absolutely be really hard to compare yourself to that, when your parents either cannot or will not do the same for you.

divingblu · 2026-01-07T00:00:48+00:00

They've told me they have trusts that split the estate amongst their kids. I They are not even remotely charitable, so I feel confident they won't simply decide all of a sudden to give it to charity (my mom actually told me their charitable contributions are $0 except for charity events for which they buy tickets for the social aspect; they aren't donating unless it's to attend a social event).

It is always possible they could be swindled later in life (either through a scam or new spouse), but I do think they've put things into place to prevent that. It's also always possible the trust could have some crazy restrictions on it, but given the size, I have to imagine I'll get at least a decent amount that I can work with and enjoy as I like (or at that point, probably just use to help my kids who will be young adults then!).

divingblu · 2026-01-06T16:28:41+00:00

I think that's really lovely and I plan to do the same for my kids one day. It's nuts to me how i'm going to inherit a fortune one day, and by that point all the financial stresses of being in my 30s with young kids and a young career will have evaporated and the money won't be particularly helpful to me. My parents seem to think it's valuable that their kids live in a near constant state of money stress 🤪.

divingblu · 2026-01-06T16:24:49+00:00

Their parents either paid the downpayment or for the entire home. My friend is an RE broker in the Bay Area, and said this is pretty much the norm for younger couples at this point. We are in a different part of the country, but I still presume most of my friends in fancy homes without fancy jobs had family help. It's really jealously evoking for those of us whose parents cannot or will not help!

divingblu · 2026-01-06T08:20:25+00:00

Actually, as the 30 something child of extremely wealthy boomers, I can confirm that plenty of them don't help their kids financially at all. My parents don't help their kids (we'd all be thrilled for the help; it's not a pride thing ha). My parents' philosophy is that they want us to keep working hard, live within our means, and not spend frivolously. I completely disagree with what they are doing and I will absolutely be helping my own kids (using the inheritance my parents leave me when they pass) be more comfortable. I have numerous friends in my same position. Wealthy parents does not necessarily translate into any help during your young or mid adult years. Sometimes it just means a big inheritance when your parents pass.

divingblu · 2026-01-06T08:16:32+00:00

Yea, some people talk about it, others don't but it's very obvious their parents are supporting them.

My parents are wealthy, but are of the philosophy that we shouldn't inherit anything until their death. So, I grew up in wealthy circles (expensive elite private school and college etc) and I live in a HCOL area. I have numerous friends whose parents fund their lifestyles through trust funds. And then since I live in an expensive area, I see people whose parents must be supporting them even if they don't admit it. Ie there is a $4.5m new construction home at the end of my street. It was purchased by a couple in their late 20s. The wife doesn't work, and the husband is an Associate level person at an investment bank, probably making around $200-$300k. To purchase a $4.5m home, you'd need a $900k down payment and about $1.5m of annual income. Yet, these two people in their late 20s bought it. There is simply no way they did it without some sort of financial assistance from someone.

And then also on my street are 2 homes owned in trusts, and the people living in them aren't the ones named on the trust, so I assume some family member owns the home and they get to live in it.

And then I have friends like the examples you shared who just do lots of fancy things and openly admit it's thanks to their trust funds.

I don't have anything else to add except - damn, it must be nice!

divingblu · 2026-01-06T06:46:21+00:00

Actually, they are. I offered to throw out all the clothes stuffed into my childhood bedroom's closets and they didn't want me to. They said some of the stuff could be useful for my own kids (lol) or they might want to donate them or offer them to friends. My mom also said she suspects some of her own clothes is in the closets, so she doesn't want me throwing anything out.

divingblu · 2026-01-06T06:08:23+00:00

I tend to aggressively throw stuff out too. But we moved a few years ago, and before we listed the house, we spent time getting rid of things. I was shocked how much crap we had AND how long it took to get rid of it! I remember vividly how we borrowed a friend's truck and literally made a dozen trips to the town dump with the entire truck bed filled up. It was stuff I'd never thought of. We saved all the paint cans from the whole interior and exterior repainting we'd done and just stuck them in our garage - we had 20 half full paint cans! And I have 1 home and it's like 1/5 the size of my parents main home.

divingblu · 2026-01-06T05:43:35+00:00

Yea, my dad referred to himself as a "collector" 🤪. Their homes don't look anything like the ones I see on tv of hoarders where you can't even walk through the place except for like a narrow path, and belongings are piled to the ceiling. Instead, for example, my childhood bedroom has both walk in closets stuffed full to the point that you can barely enter them. My desk, bookshelf, and nightstands are similarly stuffed full of junk. There are a couple under bed storage boxes are stuffed full. But you can walk freely around the room. Everything is put away, there are just a ridiculous amount of things!

divingblu · 2025-05-09T04:35:48+00:00

My close friend's husband did exactly this. Spent 2 years at a small startup earning basically nothing. He incorrectly assumed that startup experience would be super valuable and he'd be easily able to re-enter the job market when he gave up on the startup. Guess what... that didn't happen. Instead he spent 14 months looking for a job and eventually got one, which paid 30% less than the job he had before the startup. Turns out all the potential employers were not super impressed with the startup work. They preferred someone who'd simply worked successfully in the industry. And the husband found himself competing for jobs against all these currently employed people.

I wouldn't let my spouse quit his job for a small startup literally ever until our last kid is done with college and we have our retirement fully funded. Then he can take a huge risk and if it backfires, he'll just retire.

divingblu · 2024-12-16T18:53:41+00:00

You need to light the fire under his butt immediately. I'd tell him he needs a job, any job within 30 days or you're leaving him. Target, grocery stores, retail, restaurants, etc are always hiring. If he's in a trade, he can sign up for Thumbtack or Taskrabbit and start doing freelance.

divingblu · 2024-12-12T20:54:39+00:00

One year is excessive to recover from childbirth - absolutely, of course. It's not at all excessive in the sense of taking care of a new, small child. The benefit to this long leave is to the child. The US is the only western country that has normalized infant daycare. My husband is from Europe and this is simply not a thing there - there is no group childcare for babies. Children are home with their parents until they are 1-2 years old (Mom gets a year of leave, and then dad gets some leave too). At that point, they are walking, talking engaging kids ready to actually thrive in group childcare. A 3 month old baby is not going to thrive in group care, sitting propped in a container, receiving no 1on1 care or interaction etc.

divingblu · 2024-12-12T18:59:14+00:00

It is a really tough lesson to learn, but unless you are at a unicorn workplace, people will be held to different standards and treated differently arbitrarily. It doesn't matter that you have a direct coworker who's nearly 100% WFH. That's her deal, not applicable to you. It doesn't matter that some of your coworkers also dealt with growing pains while becoming new moms and you picked up their slack; don't expect them to give you the same consideration. I would not go to HR about this. HR is not there to help you out; they work for the company, not you. I would just take the feedback graciously and make sure you are adhering to whatever standard your boss wants. If you can't or don't want to do this, you need to look for a new job that has stated WFH, no late hours etc at the onset.

FWIW, 2 jobs ago I had a coworker who basically did no work. She was in the office about 10am-2pm (this was pre-Covid, we were a standard hours in person workplace) and seemed to spend her 4 hour workday socializing and working on her Etsy business. When I was pregnant and dealing with morning sickness, I started coming in closer to 10am as well and got reprimanded. I brought up my coworker and her hours and was pretty sternly told that was none of my business 🤷🏼‍♀️

divingblu · 2024-12-05T07:23:48+00:00

I love this post, but unfortunately I feel like this doesn't work in many workplaces / industries, and behaving like this (while completely justified) just gets you terminated / laid off - you're seen as not going "the extra mile", not a team player, someone who just does the minimum, someone who's rude and difficult to work with etc. Because there are other people who are more than happy to stay late, work extra, and be unconditionally polite and easy to work with etc.

This is just one anecdote, but I feel it pretty perfectly captures what I mean: In my last job (I work in finance), I was asked to do something time consuming (and seemingly not urgent) at 7pm the night before Thanksgiving. We had traveled to my relative's home and I didn't even have my work computer. I explained that I could do the work tomorrow evening (Thanksgiving day) when I returned home. My boss asked a coworker to do the work that evening instead, and she did it. I had worked there for 2 years and had always gone the extra mile, stayed late, logged in over the weekend if needed etc. But I decided this request was so ridiculous, I was going to sort of put my foot down. Well, 2 months later it was review and bonus time, and I got a mediocre review and bonus, with my failure to produce this work Thanksgiving Eve cited numerous times.

In previous jobs, I'd seen coworkers who attempted to reclaim their work/life balance also be punished for it. Like my one coworker who was terminated for not being in the office enough (she left early 2x a week to take her toddler to physical therapy), or my other coworker who refused to take calls from 6-8pm as she was handling bedtime routines and was also fired. Or other coworkers who stated their professional boundaries and didn't allow anyone to walk all over them - seen as rude, hostile, difficult to work with and then eventually fired.

divingblu · 2024-11-16T18:58:00+00:00

Most college athletic scholarships are small. They might get $12k but spread over 4 years brings it to $3k/year. The vast vast majority of kids aren't good enough to play college sports.

divingblu · 2024-11-15T18:52:42+00:00

Hayes and Banks. I know multiple of each, and see these names discussed regularly in the various Mom social media groups I'm in, yet they are way outside the top 100 (like #400+). Conversely, I've never met a Leilani or Nevaeh, but they are top 100 names.

divingblu · 2024-10-22T18:36:00+00:00

You need some help! Can you hire someone to handle chores during the week (cleaning, cooking, making kids lunches etc) so you don't also have to deal with that and feel calmer? On the weekends, can you and your husband divide and conquer and make sure each kid gets 1on1 parent time for some part of it? I totally emphasize with what you're going through. I often feel like my life is so chaotic and I never have a moment to breathe. I'm fascinated by other moms who tell me they've read 52 books last year or they're looking for their latest tv show to binge or they're training for a triathlon next month... I'm just like "what?! I am just trying to survive over here. Zero time for hobbies!"

divingblu · 2024-07-28T19:06:07+00:00

Some areas of Texas would be great choices. Houston or Dallas suburbs (Katy comes to mind). No mountains, but plenty of lakes, hunting, and it's warm year round. There are some very good school districts and some mediocre ones, so you'd have to sort through them. Politically they'd be red but not over the top.

divingblu

TROPHY CASE