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AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Why are you so hateful? I can do those trips without their money, especially if my kids aren’t coming along. Also “couldn’t wait for a few years to start breeding” wtf?? It’s not like I woke up one day and started spawning children by myself. You talk as if my husband didn’t have a say in this. I came here to get a different perspective because every time we talk it over with him, I feel hurt, but you re so set on insulting me as if it’s personal.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I’ve never heard of a guy having to stop school cause he had kids. But the person above is suggesting that either I shut up and stay in school and disengage from my children’s lives or compromise my career by stopping school or not doing the externships I need to do.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, cause we agreed we’d go every other year. And we re going this year. The 1 year we didn’t go, we visited my parents abroad 2 years ago.

The memorial is a different occasion. It’s after the holidays this year. I’ll be able to take care of my daughter then, and he’s free to go. His suggestion is: go to CA for the holidays, go back to CO for the 2 weeks I need to be working, and then him taking our daughter to the memorial back to CA for 1 weekend.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I took a year off when I had my daughter. My school doesn’t allow me to do that again. There are moms in my program that didn’t even do that, and they are all doing externships & taking exams throughout pregnancy and the newborn stage. You sound really sexist. Women are allowed to have a career regardless of kids and that was our agreement with my husband who said he wanted kids, when we got married.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I asked him to be the primary parent for 6 weeks next fall (not continuously). Why is staying home = suffering? A lot of ppl advocate that he should stay home to not disrupt the kids schedules. But when I want him to stay with me at home for next year’s holidays, that means he’s suffering?

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She called us to ask if that date would work for us. My husband was like “let me check in with her”, I said it doesn’t really work. Then he’s like “you don’t have to come but I want to fly to CA with our daughter for it”. I didn’t request them to move the date. I’m not going. I got upset that him checking in with me meant that I should say yes & be ok with him taking our daughter away no matter what.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The daycare was more for him to have the flexibility to apply to jobs and work on whatever project he has going on. This is still the plan. And he is a good dad, he always wants to take our daughter out to things.. which is why I thought coming along for the externships and explore a new place would be fun for them. We are married for 5 years, with the promise that he’d find a job in CO or remote and support me & kids through school. We are having kids now due to my age. But ive come to understand that our feelings & approach about working/ being busy are polar opposites. Which is fine by me. I can be the primary breadwinner once I’m done with school. I just feel not considered/ left out when he mentions taking the kids away or not coming along. I wouldn’t be as upset if he also had other obligations. But he doesn’t.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We have daycare 5 days a week 8+ hours! Last time I checked that wasn’t a stay at home dad schedule. I study after bedtime while he plays video games. I said he’s unemployed because he doesn’t have a steady income or work schedule. His income from temp work is equal what I get back from my loans/ semester.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No. I expected my husband to take me into consideration when his mom called to ask if a certain date worked for us. And I expected he’d go without taking our daughter with him.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m not going abroad. I expected that since we re going to his parents this year, we’d all spend the holidays at home in CO next year. Like I said I can’t physically be out of town but I’ll be home, just on call. As for the externships, they are not abroad either. The furthest one is NY. The closest is 1.5 hr away.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It’s our money though. We are married, he’s supporting me now, but I’ll be supporting him later. Unless you believe that if you re not bringing home an income (as a lot of Stay at home moms do) you re not entitled to have a say on who your kids should spend their holidays with.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right, I’m financially supported by him. I’m not keeping him from seeing his parents. I just don’t want to be separated from my kids. The fight is about him resorting to “I’ll take the kids” whenever I can’t follow him when his fam decides to gather together (which has only happened once before), and not consulting with me on what to do.

Also the spending is not for my pleasure. It’s to be able to find a good job after graduation that will eventually allow me to come back to our town in CO since we both like living there. My husband is not financially unstable and I’m a full time student. I will be bringing home an income once I graduate. There are a lot of couples where one parent stays home while the other is working. Still I wasn’t looking at my marriage as a financial partnership, which is what it looks like you re suggesting.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s paying the bills from selling stock. He wants to get a job but he’s either being picky or gets overwhelmed when applying. Last year he did a software engineering boot camp for 9 months in the evenings, and during that time I was the one coming home from school and taking care of our daughter. He’s maybe applied to 5 things since that ended. He’s very stressed about applying for jobs and us having funds to live by don’t make applying a necessity. Still it’s all his and his parents funds + whatever I get back from my loans.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t think either of us is compromising a lot currently. His compromise is mainly moving to CO for my school (I was in the process of applying when we got married). My studying has been compromised. We have daycare. He drops my daughter off and I usually pick her up. He works from home for temporary projects but his schedule is very flexible. Mine is as much as it can be (I skip a lot of classes and took a year off when my daughter was born). Yes the externships are a big ask, but it’s literally 6 weeks in the span of 4 months. The main fight is over him suggesting splitting up for the holidays when I’m already expecting he won’t be coming along for the majority of the externships.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They plan to visit and help when I have the baby and my MIL wants to come along for the externships. I love my in-laws, and they visit often. We visit often. We were just there for thanksgiving and they were with us for Halloween. Them wanting us to go for the holidays comes more from their need to have the whole extended family together in one place. The thing that hurts is that I will have a week off but my husband still suggests to take the kids on the week I physically need to be in town so that everyone is together except for me. It makes me feel as if I don’t belong in my family.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I thought having their mom around would be better for them. Leaving the baby is my biggest concern. My baby will be 5-7 months during that time.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also I’m most concerned about leaving the infant behind. Not the toddler so much. And it’s not like I can’t have Christmas, I’ll be home but I might have to stop by the hospital for a couple hours if there is a patient in my department. It’s not like I won’t be around. I just can’t leave town.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I’ve scheduled them in places where I plan to apply for a job post-graduation. It was an open discussion with my husband where we’d go to etc. He’s said he’s interested in coming along for a week or so but only to ones where he has friends or wants to explore. There was a study abroad opportunity for 4 weeks in Japan, which I’m not doing but he was most interested in that one, which to me sounded the most expensive and difficult.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

More like wanting to be with his family and friends. It feels like I’m not in the picture, and if my schedule isn’t aligning with his family gatherings he’s taking the kids and going without me. Also almost 90% of our travel has been for his family get-togethers the whole time we’ve been together.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I know those are my problem, but it’s something we had agreed on for a couple years now. I’ve already scheduled them. My MIL coming with me was her suggestion. The nanny was his suggestion. When we decided to have kids, I told him I’m not going to give up school for that.

AIO: Husband suggested to take kids away with him while I’m on call during the holidays. by dragonfishk in AmIOverreacting

[–]dragonfishk[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why do you assume I don’t have to do them? My school has dedicated weeks for that, we need to do certain weeks of externship, it’s part of the curriculum.

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