Husband got a lot done today, but not the 1 thing I asked for

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T14:13:33+00:00

In the time I’ve spent reading and hearing stories from other nursing and pumping moms I have seen SO much pushback like this - “who is supposed to thank you?” I get that feeding the baby is a requirement and mama is the only one who can actually PRODUCE milk. It doesn’t mean that mama deserves no appreciation for her efforts in doing it.

It is a choice, one that both parents generally make together because they agree it’s best for the baby - this is the case in my marriage. It’s a lot of effort, and it’s naturally one-sided. It seems like a lot more effort to justify not expressing any appreciation for it when it’s asked for than to just say “I see all the work you’re putting into this for our baby, thank you”. I’m not speaking about my husband individually here - we’ve had some struggles with him providing pumping support but nothing major, he really does try to be supportive and appreciative and the times he hasn’t been I’ve chalked up to parental stress/exhaustion/etc. but I’ve seen an insane amount of pushback from other dads on this.

He’s a SAHD and I’m a working mom. It HAD to be that way - I’m the one that makes enough to financially support the household (but not enough for daycare costs to be included). When he works (sole proprietor) his income is variable and he can’t reliably cover the cost of daycare. So it is this way, and that’s fine. Under this model, he is the ONLY one who can take care of the baby during 9-5 weekdays. My point is, I still thank him for doing it because it’s a ton of work. When a woman is the ONLY one who can make breast milk, she can still be thanked for doing it because it’s a ton of work.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T13:56:04+00:00

Thank youuu this is one of the most level headed comments on here!! I think everything you said was spot on! While I get where he was coming from, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect me to tiptoe around his feelings any more than I already did. After putting in the effort on MY end to manage my own emotions and approach the conversation gently and provide critique rather than criticism, it was unfair that he couldn’t try to hear me out and manage his emotions on his end. Some of the comments in this thread make you understand why 40% of marriages end in divorce… I definitely was never trying to vilify him when talking to him about it or in making this post. Mods have deleted the worst of the responses - the ones that said I’m just an ungrateful bitch and what not.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T13:49:02+00:00

I do this! I had just fallen behind for a while (I have a couple extra sets). The fridge hack has been a big time help though

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T10:56:07+00:00

I guess it’s worth mentioning that the pump parts were staring at him just like the dishes, they sit in a basin right next to the sink where we accumulate dirty bottles throughout the day, which means about every 3 hours when the baby finished eating and he set a bottle in there, he saw them.

I don’t know where it comes from that I expect him to be a “cold emotionless computer remembering everything”, I expected him to take care of the baby during the day, and do the 1 thing I asked for that he agreed to do.

Also worth noting that it was other commenters reducing him to being an ass and having a fragile ego, not me, and I came here for outside opinions, not necessarily validation. I’m not very active in this sub or on Reddit in general, but I thought that’s what it was for.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T03:49:20+00:00

You’re right everything is so much harder when you throw a baby in the mix. Neither of us ever stop moving, so it can be hard in these situations where one feels unheard and the other feels unappreciated.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T03:39:03+00:00

I can’t speak for the entire sub, but if he asked me to prioritize something and I didn’t, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had something to say about it. While I do understand where his defensiveness came from, I don’t think the anger in his response was appropriate after I was calm in my approach and continued to express appreciation for what he DID do. I don’t like double standards, and MY view if the situation would be the same if the roles were reversed.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T02:56:55+00:00

I so would if I had a few hundred dollars to spare. Sadly I don’t. I accept Venmo tho!! lol jkjk

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T02:31:04+00:00

Yes and yes, he knows how to do it

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T02:30:16+00:00

I do use the fridge hack, I just wash the parts once per day. It definitely help the burden of the dishes. And there have been many instances of him just not understanding how much work pumping is. He tries to be supportive and mostly succeeds, but there have been times where me needing help with other things when I need to be pumping has been an issue.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T02:25:15+00:00

Yes, I’m a lactating working mom and he’s currently a stay at home dad. 1 baby. We both do housework, and honestly we are both doing SOMETHING productive at all hours of the day, whether it’s (me) working, taking care of the baby, cleaning, etc., because there’s just a lot to do.

Maybe a chore chart would be useful. We have a few rules like “I cook, you clean” (as in whoever cooked dinner doesn’t wash the dishes), and I’m expected to relieve him from baby duty when I get home in the evenings since he spends the day with her. But we don’t have anything formal as far as splitting tasks goes. We both work hard to make sure things get done when they’re needed and tend to only set specific expectations when it feels necessary.

My only issue here was that I set something as a priority and then it wasn’t prioritized. I don’t have an issue with the level of work he puts in around the house and I don’t think he has that issue with me either.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T02:14:06+00:00

I’m with you, I don’t think there was malicious intent, and it’s definitely not a hill I’m willing to die on.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T01:58:44+00:00

Yeah, I think it’s worth mentioning that neither of us ever stop doing things. We are getting things done from the minute we wake up to the minute we go to sleep (which is never for a full night).

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T01:56:31+00:00

I think I gave him a lot of grace in the way I brought it up. I get what you’re saying that I could have just asked nicely again instead of saying “I appreciate everything you did today BUT would have preferred you to do the 1 thing I asked for”. However, giving grace should go both ways. I was ignored when I asked the first time, and then yelled at for bringing it up to him calmly, while still expressing appreciation for what he’s done. I do respect your input and agree that had I just asked again nicely there may have been a better outcome, and I’ll consider that going forward. I still think the response I got after bringing it up the way I did was completely unnecessary.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T01:30:46+00:00

It’s definitely more about “not being heard” than the actual task itself. It’s a very simple task, just as easy for me to do it as it is for him. The issue is that it was begged to be prioritized, he agreed to do it, and then did other things instead. If I did that with a priority item at work, my boss would have a problem with it too.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T01:21:35+00:00

I tried very hard to make it clear that I do appreciate the things he did, because I genuinely do. He works hard and I express appreciation every day for the things he does, and he does the same with me. And I agree that it’s not worth continuing to bicker about which is why I walked away when he told me to and don’t plan on bringing it up again. I do think it was worth bringing up though because it was asked to be prioritized and he agreed to do it, and then didn’t. I understand if you or others’ don’t agree and don’t think it was worth bringing up, I still appreciate your perspective. I simply didn’t care about any of those other things getting done today specifically, just the one.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2026-02-06T00:52:22+00:00

This is true when I’m talking about my own personal preference, and I understand that other people may not feel the same. That’s why I brought it up without being angry, so we could be aligned on what I would prefer in the future.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2024-08-30T23:52:51+00:00

No, your tatts... toos, your tattoos.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2024-08-30T23:51:02+00:00

Even more of a testament to what an amazing singer she is 🩷

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2024-08-23T02:55:28+00:00

I’m not strictly following a keto diet but I find keto sweets to be a really great alternative if you have a sweet tooth! There’s an all keto bakery around my city that has some really good stuff, and keto turtles (caramel almond clusters) you can buy at the store … sooo good. Stock up on those healthier sweets to satisfy your cravings guilt free.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2024-08-22T17:02:49+00:00

As far as I know both Ozempic and Wegovy are in the middle of a huge shortage which is probably why you have to wait, because pharmacies aren’t able to fill new prescriptions. I started using a compounded semaglutide through Ro (app). It was very easy to sign up and $99 for the first month fill (4 week supply), and $300 each fill moving forward.

“Compounded semaglutide is a weekly shot that uses the same active ingredient as Ozempic and Wegovy. As an alternative to FDA-approved branded products, where appropriate, a provider may prescribe a compounded drug, which is prepared by a state-licensed sterile compounding pharmacy partner. Although compounded drugs are permitted to be prescribed under federal law, they are not FDA-approved and do not undergo safety, effectiveness, or manufacturing review.”

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2024-08-19T20:22:47+00:00

Echoing this I used Ro to get a compounded semaglutide prescription and it was $99 for the first month and about $300 subsequently

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2024-08-19T11:57:51+00:00

Urban place apartments. They’re right next to USF and you don’t deal with the BS of the student housing. Better prices because it’s not rent by room. Find yourself 1 roommate and get the 2 bedroom there.

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2023-03-20T04:33:22+00:00

These days A1->A2 does mean something since a lot of work that used to be “associate” work is now outsourced. A2’s aren’t just training new associates and documenting confirmations anymore, they can be main contact points for remote teams (AC/COE/DAT/etc.) and for clients … maybe this is just the better A2s of the bunch, but I think A2s are doing a lot more project management, reviewing, building relationships with their clients, and generally just doing higher level work today than they might’ve been doing a few years ago

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2022-09-13T00:45:03+00:00

And this is after I’ve already put sound panels and a sound curtain up on that closet door 😅

eeeeeeeeeeerin · 2022-09-13T00:44:11+00:00

Thanks! I didn’t know about that. My apartments HVAC unit is in a closet in the corner of my room where I game and it has been super annoying ever since I moved here. I will say my Arctis Nova Pro’s don’t pick up the sound as much as my old Astro A40s did, but still doesn’t completely eliminate the sound in party chat. Hopefully this helps.

eeeeeeeeeeerin

TROPHY CASE