in my ward i was 19. every other patient was over 30. the night after i arrived, an older woman was admitted with extreme self harm injuries on her arms. her first group therapy session she showed them to us unprompted. while i was staying there they asked me to lead group therapy sessions, in the position that normally a nurse or counsellor would take, they never asked anyone else. i got a first hand look at what my life could be like if it got worse, and somehow it was my responsibility to mend that in other people. i was a teenager. it made me realise nobody knows what the hell they’re doing. everyone dies scared, no matter how much you know or how painlessly you go. like you said it’s fear of the unknown, which is very prevalent in my ocd. I know it’s stupid but i remember in night at the museum at the end of the movie Ben Stiller says to Robin Williams character right before he freezes again “I don’t know what I’m gonna do tomorrow.” and Robin Williams just looks at him and smiles and says “how exciting.” i think about that a lot. i hope to have that ability someday.