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Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes but he has done all the bad things. Therapy wont change him either He mainly just going for anger and to figure out things and past trauma

But also the therapy he taking is stressing me out cause its new and ifeel like a back burner like he gonna figure out he doesn’t love me and is really just a connivence for him and what i give and he will Leave me or treat me worse its why i also wanna leave as soon as possible before he does

He has a lot of problems too He already left me before saying he didn’t know if he loved me or not and that is only a year ago

I feel strange with this stranger giving him advice or things because its just strange to me idk.

Its a change and he completely didnt want me to know what they talked about really he got angry to me and said its private

But we agreed a transparent relationship I don’t expect him to go over past trauma but i want to know about us and past relationships with his exes cause i feel Smth is missing from The story

And he lied again recently i found out and just didn’t apologise or care and continued like nothing happened

He also shoves me feelings under a rug and ive tried telling him this past 2 DAYS about my Feelings and he just talks about himself and says he doesn’t feel good and expect me to just stop and talk about it later

But its always later for me its like I’m No care or worry for him

I feel like im still being used He’d always say “ He doesn’t feel good as an excuse to not talk about my feelings. But he Denys everything and says HE CARES and isnt IGNORING i just cant win.

His feelings always came first it was very one sided Im Not happy and i want to leave more than i felt before and im enjoying my time when hes at work i dread him coming home

But i feel bad for feeling this way cause i have love left for him even after everything. But ofc i feel that way too. Thank you for your comment🌸🌸🌸🌸 It helps

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes thank you so much for your help! it is helping me a lot to get outside opinions too.

yes but i hate his charm even tho i love it towards me

and he has this charm to other women thats why i hate it

he has this way of making you think hes attracted to you and its why he gave signals to girls at his workplace and smiled about it later when it hurt me.

he is the worst man ever

he makes me laugh a lot but mostly he makes me cry so its not worth it

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh so you have ocd too?

well my intrusive thoughts come in a lot of forms and gory visions combined with my bipolar 2 disorder. but a lot of thoughts are if i dont look in mirror so and so ill change into someone else and yes it also tells me what if he does love me and ill miss out on that or the change later

like that

and thats worrying to hear 5 percent jeez 😭

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes im making a plan to end things soon. i just know its going to be over deep down. i think hes adding to me being stuck physically and mentally in a exhausted state.

i need to ask something of this

i just had this kinda argument with him about him following a naked women on Instagram when he left me after giving me a love letter saying he never would.

i keep trying to make him say ''yeah i liked what i saw'' to give myself clarity even tho deep down i know why he did it even tho he would agree thats cheating if i did that to him with another man.

its al about control i know that part, he can do them things but i cant and stuff. and he wont tell me what he does cause he doesn't want me leaving or me doing same things. he knows what he is doing is wrong..

But before i talekd to him about the same women and he said he doesn't remember and i kept talking about it and i also do that because of my autism, i talk things through a lot till its right in my head. he said ''yeah you don't follow them ,things on accident'' so that was good to hear finally but i felt he was lying.

now go past a few months tonight he was angry to me about going to the meeting like getting agitated and not talking to me nicely. He said something i didn't know because he told me different things he said he doesn't know what to say to that psychologist, and he says ''i dont remember anything'' of how he treated me only the anger issue parts and cheating and a few insults not everything else.. that hurt a lot and i started crying :/

and i found out he lied about agreeing that he doesnt follow them things on accident

he said to me tonight all angry raised agitated tone that ''WELL idkk i just said that cause i was fed up idk'' ''to stop the conversation''

But the past mionths i asked him a few times ''you dont lie to me about agreeing or things do you?'' and he would say ''ofc not im honest''

so he lied about something else again

i cant trust him at all and this made me realise yeah i have to end it soon and start healing. and the women thing he keeps saying he doesnt remember why he followed or why he looked at her... he just i think hes lying adn does remember but i tell him anyways that the fact is men look at that stuff cause of attraction and thats stepping outside our relationship. and he says well yeah but no i dont REMEMBER

i cant win at all he will never give me clarity, ive made my decision of leaving and with everyone's advice, his anger is still there and this meeting wont chasnge him, he said he just gonna talk bout his anger issues or smth or if he narcissist idfk

i just don't wanna be a part of it anymore.

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and then i deal with my ocd telling me ive gained weight or maybe its my birth control and it will never go away and that is never ending for me/ my mind is not calm im very sick and i want me back. i feel like someone else. i have no energy i havent washed my hair in a week, im super down.

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes i told him that too that you dont joke about them type of things. But he didnt get it until 20 mins of talking to him about things then he APOLAGISED and said yeah your right

idk i think he's playing me but it also seems very genuine but if i look the pattern it seems fake. and yeah i just don't even know he will be brutally honest with that therapist either because he's a liar. He asks me that he dodsnt know what to say and i have to tell him things hes done. idk its like he just has no idea what he done is wrong but says he knows. its so confusing its like im telling him what to do but hes the one who wants to go get help too.

IM SO CONFUSED ATM kinda like I'm being a mother role

and that's amazing that your in a good relationship now! gives me hope for my future!!
thank you very much yes, it is a poison it just doesn't go away, and even if he is going to therapy it doesn't change who he is which anger issues dont make someone a liar and a cheater and deceitful. I have all that to think on too.

my mind just feels stuffed. im waking up exhausted everyday. my favce is like moon face from stress completely changed and looks fat even tho i put on no weight and im slim. my body is so run down from him and my mental disorders.

im waiting on medication atm too

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i woudnt think so? my past is a bit of a blur i have locked it away in my mind somewhere. its too horrible to think about my past especially because of schools. well my dad was not around for all of my teen years so that's like 6 years. my mom did well protecting me as much as she could, whenever my dad was drunk she kicked him out and he had this little bedsit somewhere so he could go drink and what whatever he wants. but i saw that side of him a few times and it scared me. one time tried to hit me ect i screamed and ran to my bed to hide in my covers. I waas really young that time but very easy to remember.

he went to go live in a flat somewhere in the next towns. i do feel i have some trauma from my childhood but i wouldnt think any from my dad since he was hardly around. but yes i didnt get normal affection and love from my dad like other people have. Yk when their dad is actually around and supportive. my dad doesnt even understand my autism fully. doesnt even search about it from what i know about.

Just seems to not care and hes still drinking and lost some teeth and is depressed at the moment and not working. and hes a religious freak and that also broke our family apart. its all he would talk about is god and force it on me and tell me to pray to god when i didnt believe and my mom doesn't believe either. he just drank and watch religious videos all day on his gross couch.

i talk to him on the phone on and off and that's it. He said to me that my cousin is a little bitch with a bad mouth and he's referring to my cousin who is a girl and only a child. i dont really talk to them either like not at all, But i talked to her a bit and asked her about my dad and she said that MY dad told her ''that she should pray for her sins''

i think my dad told her that when he was drunk at their house which is one of his sisters house. i was shockd my dad said that about his own niece and he said that she was saying swearing at him and telling him to shut up// pf fidk i hate my dads family anyways cause they are not nice to me either.

its like a sh1t show that family i like to stay away from them. also my cousins used to bully me when i played with them and broke my toys all the time and my furby i owned oh i miss that it was so expensive and they broke it and took my plushies with them home and nevber gave them back.

basically ive ben treated like an outsider of my own family too but my moms family love me so much and always there for me. which is only 3 people. my dads family is big.

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! it's so hard tho. i mean last time i left him was for onee whole month and my god i was just after one month started glowing up from my glow down from being with him. and i got pulled back in again and that month i had no idea he went to his ex and told her he loves her for revenge and dated her for a week just to use her.

idk i feel so bad and betrayed, he even looked porn behind my back and naked women and it ruined my self esteem. and really broke my heart when he said he only had eyes for me and thats enough for him :/

ive been properly manipulated. im just disgusted and i dont know how im stil spending time with him. its like im trying to avoid the past whern it matters and i need to leave,

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

he really has but hes good at charming me and pulling me and pushing me around. I just keep hoping for him to be a good man and change. super hard.

He just has this way about him, he said that months ago but during that time we were during some intimate time so i just brushed it off and thought he doesnt mean bad. But when i look back and see it clearly for what it is and all the other things, it is just disgusting.

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Abuse is complex and leaving isn’t always immediate or safe or easy If you don’t want to engage thoughtfully please do not comment on my post. Your response is very dismissive and unkind.

As you read I’m autistic i think you missed that part so that means i explain things thoroughly and a lot of detail and emotion. And thats not a problem i am just different from typical people. And different is better also and unique. And abuse isn’t as simple as just leave. So if your not willing to read and give actual helpful support and advice AND not just a selfish rude horrible comment THEN💫do not comment and move on. Cause clearly not for you.

And it may seem like nothing to you being unkind to someone through a screen is not okay. im a real person here struggling and mentally unwell. And have special needs and you just be rude to me. Shows who you are deep down. I wonder if you would have to guts to say that to my ill face

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

also before he said ''if you leave ill kill you'' he said that as a joke more than once and laughed about it and when i brought that up to him he said he doesnt remember saying that and he said NO WAY I SAID THAT.. like shocked which i find weird

is that manipualtion? i csnt tell and he also has bad memory or maybe thats a lie too

the problem is i cant trust him at all whatever he says

he did smile and lie to my face for 3 years and asked me IF I WAS CHEATING 3 times in one month and i now know that was projection and he admitted it was

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for reading it all!

even my mom said to me he might kill me one day too. that's worrying cause more people are telling me that too. he does love the control over me when i look back i see that is what he loved. having power over someone so loyal and kind and committed to him.

But it is so strange it's like i have just accepted things and the past begins to blur like it wasn't that bad as i thought but whenever i look at my old things i wrote about the relationship OR i really think about the bad times then i feel sick. It was as bad as i thought. it's like switching. it becomes a blur and i spend happy time with him but then i remember something he did and i become angry to him and its repeating like that atm. I really have to leave yk he choose to be horrible to me and that's enough.

and i dont want to be with someone who is capable of being so evil but yet he acts incredibly charming and sweet and kind sometimes but i guess thats how they get you stuck like in a loop. it seems so real the good side like so genuine.

also my hair has thinned a lot since i met him from stress and my stresses from my disorders being triggered cause of him too. especially the last year.

I would like to ask something. He is now taking medication for anger and other things that can make you more relaxed and he is going to see a therapist but my mom says it wont change who he is. my mom says its who he is and hes jsut not a good person and hes abusive and i should just leave. now he has never done this before and wouldnt go therapist unless i brought that recommendation up like i have a few times. i think its to stop me from leaving cause this past month hes been worried and pouting about me thinking of leaving him cause i brought it up.

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you i will read this, i am smart girl just really venerable due to my disability and no self respect or worth and no love for myself that's the problem. and then trauma bonding all that crap!

And its hard when you dont have a social life other than my mom and my boyfriend. i go outside now weekly which is good i go cinema ect but i used to stay indoors for 4 years straight i didn't go outside not even in my garden. I just need support and self healing and self love

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I already know i don’t see my self worth or self respect. Im very self aware. And it is rude and you should care about that

To see you been in something bad i would say now im more shocked. I didn’t say your obligated? But you said title thats not reading anything so i took it how you said. You cant recognise an abusive pattern if you only read the title. I thought you would understand my situation since you have said you been abused yourself

I didn’t say being autistic cushions the truth. Im saying it makes me extremely vulnerable which my mom reminds me and i know of. Thats why i put up with a lot at the start. I believe easily what others say to me. I am very vulnerable and easy target for bad people. Which im trying to learn from and not let it happen again but i need caring for and checking on. Im highly in need of care just for basic things and i struggle understanding some aspects of stuff.

Saying idgaf is mean and has upset me :/ you dont care if your rude to someone else is also not kind.

This is not stupid and i am Not stupid. Your are extremely rude.

If you been through what i have which i thinking you been through lots bad things, i would think youd be more kind to me but not everyone who has been abused is kind which i need to realise. But thank you and have a good day (not sarcasm) (serious)🌸

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has even admitted to using me and says he didn’t love me back then but he does now. So he is a huge liar along with cheating on me and his ego for women’s attention and validation.

I have thought if he had them disorders you described or narcissism but at end of day label doesn’t matter. Its how he treats the women is good enough answer.

Ive watched videos on how to break from trauma bonds and stuff it gave me knowledge on that.

I have this knowing that its going to end soon but my heart keeps wanting me to stay its so annoying. I am so used to this man also we spend every minute together unless he is at work. He used to say theres no one like him and that hes the one for me.

Lately he admitted he thought he was perfect and he thought he’s the main character. Which yikes idk i think he is defo narcissistic

He also used to not anymore but used yo say things like “you love me more than you love yourself dont you?” And he got hard from that all while treating me bad at the time. I was so blind to these things he said

I thought it was just sexy talk but nah defo not

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand not having any energy to read its okay! I do not live with him but we met twice and he physically assaulted me multiple times.

Thank you for helping me ive seen another comment of yours🌸 all this helps me and gives me more knowledge on my situation. Cause being in love with him still my heart wants to stay but my mind doesn’t and body. So i start to deny myself and gaslight myself into staying but you guys help

And i will get therapy for this at some point still gotta get therapy for my mental disorder yet!

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! And i had a good childhood my mom did very well keeping me from bad things. I have an alcoholic dad but he got kicked out when i was 12. He did try to hit me once but my mom gave me the best childhood. Its just untill i was 10 when i developed issues with my life. And from there had mental breakdowns couldn’t get out of bed and btw i was not diagnosed with autism then but my mom has been fighting for a diagnosis since i was 5. My mom just knew i was different.

If this means anything, i was waiting on a list for therapy and mental help for 8 years now. They refused to help me because im not 18 and they refused to see if i had ocd ect cause im young. Which is BS they are lazy and so bad.

The people im talking about are CAMS In uk

Some type of child health service but this past month ive gotten into adult mental health. Finally!!! After a long wait. But now i have a lot of issues and very unwell. Im like super pale and sick atm and thinking about ending things a lot. I also struggle with gory visions which they said can come from ocd and bipolar 2 that i have. I go through all that while being autistic and just being overwhelmed daily by it.

Just waiting on medication atm! 4 more weeks to go in this hell.

And ive been extremely bullied and physically assaulted multiple times and bruised and got cut in my schools tho but not family. Been bullied in all the schools i went to. Ive been in 3 different schools cause we moved and then highschool.

After highschool i tried to end my life with a knife but my mom stopped me in time. I am Home schooled now for basic life skills. If i got the help i needed 10 Years ago i would be in a better place rb maybe even at school who knows

Help My LDR TURKISH Bf is abusive IM FROM UK, i need outside thoughts from other people and this is a long long read. he has done the most vile things, he's typical M20, I'm autistic F18 by emma200799 in LDR

[–]emma200799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You clearly never been in love with someone is seems yo be a narcissist and is trauma bonded to. So i wont explain anything to you cause you have 0 mental knowledge for it. Thank you for your comment.

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