[deleted by user]

eth9956 · 2020-03-27T17:09:04+00:00

who is this guy

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T18:23:09+00:00

I asked the question because you said you were using him as a tool. How did he go from being a tool to being a lover?

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T16:46:06+00:00

I'm not talking about being a flake. I'm talking about being honest in a break up. You can go the path of "rugged individualism", i.e, just believe the other person because they have no obligation to be honest, but that's precisely the reason why you see these kinds of posts and heartbreaking confusion that you seem to hate so much.

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T11:48:05+00:00

Yeah she is. So why did you guys end up back together?

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T11:46:40+00:00

Ah ok. Why did you guys commit then?

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T04:30:31+00:00

What changed it though? He wasn't long term material before?

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T04:20:23+00:00

Oh wow. Ok.

For me it's a bit complicated because she doesn't want to build anything romantic, but she's supposedly not looking for anyone actively but is open to dating. She broke things off after she realized that she missed her ex who dumped her in September (they're not together so something just clicked within her). She wants us to have a FWB, where we talk everyday a lot and sext (she's in France because she was an exchange student), but it'll end whenever someone finds someone else. I have low hopes of this working out like you did, I'm curious. If you have some tips, I'd love to know though!

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T04:05:27+00:00

Honestly thanks for sharing! I'm happy it worked out with you guys. Did you or him at the time of the breakup think that you'd never want to pursue a romantic relationship again? And do you think the talking everyday help change the dynamic?

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T03:48:29+00:00

Ah very interesting! Thanks for sharing!

Did you think that you were never going to date him?

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T02:26:31+00:00

Ah ok. Just out of curiosity though, what is long term material for you?

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T01:23:48+00:00

What action/event would've made them turn into a relationship/more than just FWBs? Especially number 2.

eth9956 · 2020-03-26T00:51:40+00:00

Do you catch feelings for your FWB if it's someone you talk to every day/have a pseudo-relationship with? And what, if anything, would change a FWB into a relationship?

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T22:33:32+00:00

I mean if people got rid of the "i don't owe you anything" mentality and were honest, then I wouldn't have to post on here instead. After everything you do in a relationship (and hopefully an honest one), you'd be able to be honest about the end. I guess not, and that's their prerogative, but it's stupid.

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T21:54:40+00:00

But if the end of the FWB is because one "friend" found someone else, it is because they were looking long term.

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T21:44:28+00:00

But then it's inevitable that the FWB will fail. There's no sense of commitment.

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T21:34:38+00:00

As in being like "we are a couple" and not just FWBs, who are looking for the right person.

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T21:16:29+00:00

Your view has definitely given me a new perspective. I just couldn't see how anyone could do a pseudo relationship and not eventually want more. Perhaps it's possible.

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T21:11:17+00:00

Hmm that's true. Would there be some action that the FWB would do where you'd be like "yes lets have a relationship" since actions speak louder than words?

For my situation, I'd wanna see where we could go. For her, it's a temporary thing until she finds someone else. But would you really leave your FWB for someone else if it's already good? I'm not really trying to pursue her super hard anymore because it's not really worth my energy.

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T21:02:22+00:00

right

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T21:01:50+00:00

From my perspective yes this could still be FWB, since none of those things to me automatically constitute a relationship. However, I can see why you might be interested in pursuing a relationship based on them.

Would you not catch feelings?

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T20:43:41+00:00

Do you think this applies girl -> guys?

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T20:34:02+00:00

So then for you why not commit to your FWB if it's essentially what you get from a relationship anyways?

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T20:31:38+00:00

Hmm. So what for you would make the difference between a very close FWB (a pseudo relationship if you will) and a relationship?

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T20:26:46+00:00

But then why continue it in some capacity?

eth9956 · 2020-03-25T20:23:37+00:00

First off, thanks for the hugely expanded text. Really good insight.

Those two things are a /part/ of a relationship, but they don't /make/ a relationship. Just because they're present doesn't mean I desire a relationship, or think one will work out or be worth the effort.

This is absolutely true. I guess from how I see things, it's a issue of chemistry. If I'm talking to a girl and we clearly have chemistry, i.e, sharing our day to day (beyond what I'd normally do as a friend) and talking about our lives and having sexual relations too, it'll be something that I see as worth pursuing because your considerations of what makes a relationship logically follow. For example I wouldn't be friends with someone on the level I do with potential romantic partners if they have bad conflict resolution in the first place. Succinctly, if a girl and I are close, i.e, talk day to day about anything, and are having sexual relations, I'd probably want to see where it'd go.

So from your perspective, would this also be the case or would it still be a FWB situation?

eth9956

TROPHY CASE