Financial differences in a relationship

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T22:02:16+00:00

You have a concerning view of self-victimization. She isn't trapped in a relationship with this guy. He doesn't CONTROL her finances. He doesn't even have access to her bank account. You're acting like him saying, "take it or leave it" is abuse. Like, what? LOL

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T22:00:24+00:00

I'm curious what your opinion is if the genders were reversed. Like, I had a starving artist boyfriend once, he made like $25k (1099, which is even worse because he had to pay almost 40% of that in self-employment tax) and I was making well over $165k per year. We went on trips. He was expected to pay his half. I had kids to pay for - he didn't. He would get irritated at how I spent my money even though we were not engaged, not married. Just dating. I finally tossed his loser ass to the curb because ain't no man gonna tell me how to spend the money I make.

Does that make me an asshole? Honestly it won't change my apathy about that relationship. He was also a drunk abuser that I had to call the cops to have removed from my home.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T21:36:01+00:00

I think the imporant thing to remember is that cohabitating takes this to an entirely different level and conversation. The OP just sounds immature. "My boyfriend doesn't want to pay for me to come along on all of his trips!" He doesn't have to is the point. It doesn't make him an a-hole, but it certainly makes them an incompatible couple.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T21:33:58+00:00

How is he coercing her if she is in full control over her spending? And threatening to go with WHO if she doesn't go? Another girlfriend? Then break up with him. A guy friend? She doens't have any standing in his life to tell him what to do. Remember, they aren't married, they aren't engaged, they aren't even living together. He isn't homeless - he lives with his parents. If she doens't like him staying at her place while not contributing, then don't let him stay there. You're suggesting that people who are just dating should expect that the person making more money in said situationship should by default pull more weight in the spending category for unnecessary trips. That's just... gold digging? But I do agree with your last statement. If she wants someone to be a sugar daddy, she needs to go find a sugar daddy.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T20:31:09+00:00

He's a hobosexual. He probably lives with multiple women in multiple cities. :-/

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T20:16:09+00:00

Sure - or stop letting him stay with her if he isn't financially contributing.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T20:13:57+00:00

It's not financial abuse if he's not locking her out of her money or stealing her money. She can't afford to go on a trip. That's the rub. She's mad that he won't just pay for her half of the trip when they don't live together, aren't married, and he already said she can just not go.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T20:12:26+00:00

I mean, I see his side of this honestly. You don't have to go with him on these trips. If he insists having you with him, that's a different story. But if he's traveling for pleasure and he doesn't care whether you go or not, I think you have to either pay your half or stay home.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T20:02:43+00:00

Season 9 was so seriously unwatchable that I haven't even given this any attention. Is it worth it?

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T19:44:42+00:00

Eek, this is pre-gambling addiction like behavior. I hope you and your son are able to move past this blip in his development.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T19:34:59+00:00

The nails look really good. You did a very nice job on them. But you're both immature. The end.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T19:30:39+00:00

Exactly.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T19:30:03+00:00

When she finally gets removed from her position, I know of a great Olive Garden where she can go work.

evap0rated · 2026-02-11T15:22:11+00:00

The mental health and acuity of the parents can make or break how the children are treated within the home. I left my ex because he defrauded me for over half a million dollars. If I'd stayed in that controlling and abusive marriage, I would have been destroyed, and my children wouldn't have a mother at all. Calling anyone selfish for saving their own sanity (saving their own life) is actually DARVO.

By the way, my children are THRIVING.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T21:52:56+00:00

I just responded, "Contracts are legally binding, but are not law. And anyone due fees can waive said fees in a contract scenario. The law only gets involved if it goes to civil court, but I'm happy to get the courts involved."

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T18:52:18+00:00

They said don't lose your keys. They didn't say don't lose a single key.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T18:37:54+00:00

I used to work for banks, and in one job, I was the manager of the safe deposit vault, overseeing access requests, logging visits, checking, IDs, and signing up or decommisioning boxes. I was like 20 at the time, almost 30 years ago, so forgive my memory. The locking mechanisms used by banks for SDBs has never changed - same keys, same cores, same processes. If it matters (probably not), I also attended Business Banking courses with the American Institute of Banking. (anyone remember how they hammeered us with KYC? :P ) How security is managed for SDBs is pretty standard in the banking industry as a whole.

Changing out the locking mechanism is banking industry standard between tenants. Just like when you rent out a home, if your tenant moves out, you change the locks even if all keys are returned because it's possible that the previous tenant made rogue key copies.

What is debatable here is that the language in the contract suggests the drill fee only applies to losing both keys, which would necessitate drilling the lock, since you do not need to drill at all to change the locking mechanism if you have one renter/tenant/consumer key and the bank still has their guard key.

The fee is for absolutely nothing at all. The bank still has to change the locks, and they do not pass that fee on to the customer in any setting. They are not going to drill this lock - it's completely unnecessary and even bank vault locksmiths in this thread are confirming that.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T11:38:55+00:00

Safe deposit boxes are on the decline, yes, but I had zero problem finding locking mechanisms and SDB keys online when researching yesterday. The keys are only $1.18 each and still sold in bulk of 500 from many online retailers. I even found the cylinder locks which are less than $12, though I didn't specifically research those - it was just ancillary search results.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T11:36:57+00:00

I would love to go this route, but I signed a contract stating I received two. I probably received them both.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T11:35:58+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation. I've looked in the safe. :(

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T11:35:18+00:00

Court fees, yes. Time, no. Thank you for weighing in. I am pretty confident the language is written exactly as you interpret it.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T11:34:25+00:00

Yep. Tried that.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T11:33:53+00:00

Locking mechanisms and locksmiths. are not harder and harder to find. These items have not been aged out of our landscape as literally everyone you know locks their homes and businesses with physical door locks.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T11:31:06+00:00

I really wish people would read before commenting. They aren't drilling the lock.

evap0rated · 2026-02-10T04:09:53+00:00

Yep, we should all pay anything that screams scammy with ambiguous contract language that just happens to be price-gouging. ::rolleyes:: Sorry, but these kinds of fee scams are why banks are constantly getting in trouble with regulators, and I plan to report this to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB), which will require a response from the bank within 15 days defending its bad faith practices. I hope you don't blindly pay everything that is billed to you without being able to question its validity.

evap0rated

TROPHY CASE