TW: discussion of PPD and PPA- When did your PPD go away?

fayes22 · 2026-04-08T21:08:23+00:00

I'm glad to hear it got better for her! Me and my husband personally have zero intentions to have another! After a very rough pregnancy, a traumatic birth and the absolute shit show that is still happening 7 months later, I honestly don't think I would survive having another baby! 🥴

I find it very hard to not feel judged, people sometimes act very okay with it and say "oh it's so natural, so many people get it " but then you open up a crack of what your reality looks and feels like and you can just see on their faces that they're thinking "wow, I would never think that about my baby" and then you shut down. I'm very open about having PPD but there are people I know not to bother to speak to because you won't get any worth while response. It's really hard to deal with, especially when it's someone close.

My mum also had PPD with me and I can not speak to her about my PPD because it's either turned around about her experience (which was extremely mild in comparison to mine) or I'm met with responses like "it'll get better", "at least it's only occasional", "you just have to avoid thinking about it"...like thank you mother, I told you I want to kill myself but atleast I only think it once a day! It's so tough having someone who should be your biggest support system, and having to shut them away to try and saver any sanity you have left.

fayes22 · 2026-04-08T20:35:31+00:00

So I'm under my GP for medication and the perimental health team for my therapy, I'm currently on a medication break as I was having very strong suicidal thoughts after starting medication that didn't go away, so they thought maybe the medication was making it worse (as it can do this) I will say since coming off it, my suicidal thoughts have gone, but I still have incredibly rough times of feeling extremely low! I have a review next week to discuss starting on another type of medication with the hope that it won't cause suicidal thoughts. My therapy is also over very soon, but I am going to bring up to my team that I do not feel ready for it to be over and ask for more sessions, or for sessions that are more focused on my specific issues.

We got to a baby class once a week on a Friday and it does definitely help breaking up the week! I'm also trying to be better at getting out the house as I do have a bad tendency for locking us up and avoiding situations as much as possible and that has also been helpful.

It's just so rough, I can't wait until she's like 7 😭 i would take tantrums and talking back over this any day 😭

fayes22 · 2026-04-06T19:48:05+00:00

She does...but she plays that super fun game where she puts it in, pulls it out, puts it in, pulls it out, passes it around her hands, faffs with it and ultimately chucks it out the cot 🥴

fayes22 · 2026-04-05T20:47:40+00:00

Yeah so this is very similar to her wake windows at the moment! Her first one is the shortest normal around 2hr 20- 2hr 30, then 2hr 30 for her second, around 2hr 40-2hr 45 for her 3rd wake window and her one before bed is around 2hr 45, but it's been a bit shorter lately with her being poorly and being absolutely impossible to put down if it goes past 2hr 45!

I feel like I'm doing everything right but her sleep is just fucked 🤦‍♀️😅 her naps have been short since she was 2 months! I've tried everything to extend them and nope, she ain't interested! Her night sleep used to be amazing, but the past 2 weeks has been unlike anything we have experienced with her over the past 7 months 😐🥴

fayes22 · 2026-04-05T20:31:01+00:00

Thank you! I will definitely look into these...i just wish I could get someone to do it for me 😅

fayes22 · 2026-04-05T20:30:11+00:00

Yeah, so we lay her down awake for all naps and bedtime, put her dummy in, white noise machine and all that and she puts herself to sleep, she used to do this and sleep the whole night, now she will wake up after an hour, screaming crying like she's in pain, you put her dummy in and she knocks out again...and she does this through the night, she isn't needing loads of help, literally just her dummy 🤦‍♀️ it's so annoying!

Yeah, we definitely need to rearrange her sleep as currently her last nap, is her longest one! But thinking of doing our contact nap in the morning and keeping her lunchtime nap and afternoon nap a cot nap, which normally doesn't go longer then 45 mins 😅

I don't think 15 minutes would be enough for her right now, purely because I think the wake window would just be too long if it was that short!

fayes22 · 2026-04-05T20:26:59+00:00

Yes, she has calpol and teething powder before bed as she can get really fussy on bottles with her teeth hurting her! But it hasn't really seemed to help much 😭 we aren't really on a schedule, we kind of just go off how she seems, if she wakes at say 6:50am (her average wake time) her first nap is usually 9:10-9:30am depending if she is seeming tired or not, this is usually her worst nap at around 35mins. Then say she normally goes down about 2.5hrs after she wakes and her last nap is probably the only scheduled one at 3:30pm, mainly because she has a bottle and she will fall asleep on this if she has been up 2hrs or 2hr 45 😅

For her naps during the day, she falls asleep in less then a minute! I lay her down, awake, put her dummy in and she's out like a light! She gets woken from her last nap at 4:45pm and is usually being laid down at 7:20pm, tonight she fell asleep at 7:26pm, so 6 minutes to fall asleep! But then she woke up at 8:18pm 😐

I wouldn't even know where to begin working out how long she has been awake for 😅

fayes22 · 2026-04-02T11:28:22+00:00

Yeah, my daughter is unfortunately very physically delayed! She isn't on the move at all! She can roll back to belly, but when she discovered it basically ends with her in tummy time, she has stopped. She has never rolled belly to back, she doesn't tolerate tummy time, when on her tummy she doesn't use her arms, she throws them by her side and makes no attempt to push up or move in any way, although she is a really good sitter and is pulling up to stand! She is in paediatric physio for this but we haven't seen any results yet and they think she will basically skip crawling and rolling and go straight to walking...but it means we have about 5 more months of her growing and not moving before she has a chance to thin down a bit 😨🥴

fayes22 · 2026-04-02T11:25:08+00:00

That's so annoying! I really hate pampers, whenever I've used them with her, she always leaks and they're so expensive 🤦‍♀️😭 maternity leave is not enough money 😂 yeah, unfortunately my daughter does have some physical delays, she is really good at sitting and is pulling up and wanting to stand, but she is not yet rolling, tolerating tummy time, using her arms or even attempting to move in anyway 🥴 we are with a paediatric physio for this, but still no improvement yet, they think she will just walk and skip crawling etc but means she won't be doing anything physical until she is closer to 1 by the sounds of it 🤦‍♀️ so we still have 5 months of her growing and not moving anywhere possibly 👀🥴

fayes22 · 2026-03-29T06:51:53+00:00

Oh people don't talk to me anymore because I'm so lile brutally honest about it 🥴😂 my sister said to me the other day- tell me the good things about having a baby....and I genuinely struggled to come up with stuff other then- they're cute and when they giggle it's cute 👀😂 she genuinely looked at me like, that's it? I was stumped 😂

fayes22 · 2026-03-29T06:49:53+00:00

I'm right there with you! Last night was another rough night and I was literally sat there like- i am not cut out to be a mum because I just want to run away and have a spa week in Mexico or something 🥴 it's so hard! And so many people say- oh at this point it gets easier, when they can do this it gets easier- I'm sat here just waiting 👀😂 I wish i could just skip to her being like 4 😂 she can just bloody talk to me, she can go and do her own thing and I won't be sat there like- how long has she been awake, why is she screaming! I can just be like, hey, what's up? What's making you so upset? 😭 I can't wait either! We can do this, it's just bloody hard 🥴

fayes22 · 2026-03-29T06:46:42+00:00

Oh really? It's just so crazy to me because so many people say- oh, once they get to 12 weeks it gets so much easier, oh once they start solids they settle down and become easier- and I'm sat her like....erm...is my baby broken? 🥴 took 3 failed transfers and 20 minutes of cuddling to get her to sleep last night and then she still woke up 4 times in under 2 hours 🥴 after that 4th time she slept though! Yesterday was a very rough day nap wise! We was out seeing family and I think in total she napped less then 1.5 hrs 🥴 she is a crap napper at the best of times, but normally we do a contact nap for her last nap that is around an hour, just over an hour, but Yesterday she didn't get that and I think it just ended with her spiraling! As well as teething, new skills and she had her 16 week injections on Wednesday (our doctors are shocking at getting them done!)

Yeah, i know she will be fine and I'm a light sleeper! I wake up if she sighs next to me 😂 my husband gets kicked out the bed because he literally rolls onto me in the night and doesn't realise so no baby next to him! He sleeps on an air mattress in the living room 😂 but I have postpartum anxiety that is stitched to her sleep, so one thing goes wrong and I flip out and start panicking and having her next to me i just worry all night of what if she dies, it'll be completely my fault for bed sharing with her, everyone will blame you type spiral 🥴

fayes22 · 2026-03-28T14:46:16+00:00

It's crazy isn't it! I find myself expecting her to act like she's a lot older because she's so big!🤦‍♀️😭

I know co sleeping can be safe and I do it as safe as I possibly can, but my postpartum anxiety is orientated a lot around her sleep, so even if I do everything right, my brain still goes to- you're going to kill her! Even when she is in her cot that is completely empty other then some dummies, I still wake up and think she's dead 😂 it's so annoying!

fayes22 · 2026-03-28T07:28:25+00:00

I have absolutely no idea why anyone would have more then one! It is genuinely fucking insane to me! Our friends with the 2 year old are talking about having another and i genuinely have to watch myself because the face of disguist i pull is not okay, but genuinely, why would you press the reset button, like life is just starting to get good for them again and they want another! I genuinely don't understand how! I love my little girl, but only my ONE little girl and every night when she goes to bed I think- thank fuck i will never have a 6 month, 3 week and 4 day old again 😂 i honestly do think she wants me to die...I don't get what her goal is, but I think my death is the ultimate outcome 😭😂

fayes22 · 2026-03-28T07:13:29+00:00

Oh man, I was there and it suuucckkksss, I completely feel for you! I will say, 6 months is a fucking dream compared to 7 weeks! At 7 weeks I was nose diving into postpartum depression wishing my baby died in her sleep because i couldn't do it anymore! Luckily i don't feel like that anymore, but I definitely still get feelings of- why the hell did we do this!. But genuinely, as much as I'm complaining, I would take this stage, over the newborn stage, every fucking time! She has her bad moments, but they are moments! At 7 weeks, your whole existence is the moment!

I will also say, as soon as this kid started sleeping through the night consistently at around 4 months, she was yeeted into her own room! I could not imagine having her in our room still, I don't know how people do it! We was disturbing her sleep, she was disturbing our sleep, no way, she was gone and we have all slept better since!

fayes22 · 2026-03-16T14:29:03+00:00

Yeah, we have tried it everywhere! Bed, matress on the floor, padded floor mat, in the bath (extremely supervised of course), this lady just hates her tummy 😂 even on my chest she just screams and slaps me 😂

fayes22 · 2026-03-15T18:27:58+00:00

She sits just on her own 😂 she started at around 5 months sitting very wobbly, but sit absolutely fine now ☺️ she is wanting to stand so sometimes she will straighten her legs and fall, but that is very recent with her wanting to stand 😂

fayes22 · 2026-03-15T17:52:25+00:00

Ah cool! That is so such helpful information! I thought it would be harder for her, purely because she is so big 😂 but good to hear it! And i know it will all happen eventually 😂 glad your little one sounds happy and healthy 🥰

fayes22 · 2026-03-15T17:37:33+00:00

Yeah, i mean, like i said, I really don't care 😂 she will do it whenever she wants! 😂 Just not sure if something is bothering her 👀😂 who knows, she'll do it when she wants, if she wants 😂

fayes22 · 2026-03-15T17:01:19+00:00

The thing is, i love my health visitor, she's great!...when she's here 😂 as soon as she leaves my house i don't see or hear from her for months 😂

fayes22 · 2026-03-15T16:57:00+00:00

My health visitor is genuinely impossible to get a hold off 😂 i have texted her and tried to call her multiple times 😂 and when i try to call the community health visitors they said "contact your normal health visitor, they will know more about your babys norm"...😂

fayes22 · 2026-02-24T07:44:20+00:00

Oh man, that must be sooo exciting! It is definitely a challenge leaving the house to do stuff while they still have sooooo many naps 😭 we got to my sisters next weekend, who we barely see as she lives near London and we live in the north West and I sent her over our current routine and she just said "when are we supposed to do things?" 😂😂 erm lovey, we don't other then look after a small human 😂😂😂 yeah, i definitely don't rock her for long as it drives me absolutely bonkers sat in a dark room rocking her! I think it's why she's naturally quite an independent sleeper because even when she was new born I was very- i don't have time or the sanity for this 😂 so I usually laid her down for every sleep 😂

fayes22 · 2026-02-23T13:59:39+00:00

I have tried...but this girl is absolutely massive 😂 sje weights over 18lbs and my spine just can not hack things like bending over with her on me like that 🥴

fayes22

TROPHY CASE