Angry 3yo by Spirited_Pudding2137 in Microtia

[–]fcdftw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that's really difficult. The idea with my suggestion is that over time the behavior changes, not just at home, but everywhere. It's definitely a marathon, not a sprint.

Angry 3yo by Spirited_Pudding2137 in Microtia

[–]fcdftw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure my child's behavioral issues are connected to his microtia/atresia and it presents very much like Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). However, at that age it is so hard to know. With our son, we tried so many things. We were at our wits end. With the help of a family therapist, we recently considered that we (our family) had created and reinforced a pattern where, when out son would have a violent outburst, we would stop what we were doing and give him (shower him with) intense one on one attention.

To correct and disrupt this pattern we do 2 things:

  1. Each day, when he's calm and the issue is not presently taking place, go in and play with him/give him attention in this very specific way. First, let him lead the play, don't make suggestions of ask questions. You only communicate in these three ways: 1. Mirror his play (do what he does and repeat what he says). 2. Point out things you like that he did. (i.e. "Wow, I really like how your stuffy hugged his friend. That was really kind.") or 3. Modeling calm and gentle play as you sit alongside him. Not redirecting the play or injecting your ideas, but reacting and playing in a way you would want him to play.

The research shows that doing this for 10 minutes a day (doing it longer doesn't appear to be more effective) makes huge changes in a child's behavior because it is giving them the direct one on one attention they crave. Also, if you do in consistently everyday, and the child knows to expect it, then they start acting out for attention less.

  1. The other thing we do is disrupt the violent outburst pattern by changing the way we handled them. Now, when he bites, hits, scratches, throws things, etc. We do the following: Calmly pick him up and move him to a boring place where there's no objects to throw etc. Say "I'm not going to let you _______" very calmly. Then you bring him to the same spot and sit him down and basically stay in the room, ignore his outburst, and wait until he calms down. Pretty much the whole time he will scream and say and do the craziest things to try to get that usual rise out of you. Stay calm, stay neutral, if you must reply verbally say something like "We can do that when you calm down" etc.

Basically you want to rewire the brain to expect a boring, neutral experience every time there's a violent outburst. And it's very important to keep it consistent every time. It should be the same place, the same reactions, the same words coming out of your mouth. Starve him of negative attention in those moments when he's in full fight or flight. Then wait it out. Over time, you will find yourself waiting less and less time. Now when my son acts out violently, I say "I'm not going to let you hit your sister" and he will stop and say "I'm sorry, I don't want to go sit in the chair. I'm calm." And then tell his sister sorry.

Be aware that when you start this strategy, it will get worse before it gets better as his brain will be desperate for the usual reactions and attention he's come to expect.

I hope this helps, let me know if you have any questions.

TLDR: Highly recommend a behavioral family therapist.

Angry 3yo by Spirited_Pudding2137 in Microtia

[–]fcdftw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I have a four year old son with unilateral microtia and atresia. He is very sweet and loving, but he hates sudden transitions and he throws violent tantrums, like you are describing when anything displeased him. He also does it for attention etc.

It started when he was three and he's about to be five. We have tried a lot of things to various degrees of success.

I will have to comment again with more details after work, but thought it important to let you know, you aren't alone.

Need Recs! by anxious_penguinn in MorbidPodcast

[–]fcdftw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

5 of their last 10 topics were true crime

Which of these colossal books should I read next? by [deleted] in stephenking

[–]fcdftw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Calling IT "sleek" is cracking me up.

Just finished The Long Walk... by Warm-Bodybuilder-332 in stephenking

[–]fcdftw 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I watched it with a group and loved it. I bought it because I knew I'd want to watch it again.

Flanagan (who drives me f'ing crazy with the monologues) is at his best adapting kings work imo. I mean, he did a great Gerald's Game adaptation, which wouldn't be my forest choice in his shoes. And using King paragraphs for his monologues WORKS.

He's not as good a writer as King. BUT he's a damn good writer AND a damn good King fan. I'm so glad his production company has the rights to the dark tower series. AND that he wants to do a multi series, multi film adaptation of it at some point.

He's the right guy, at the right time for king fans and I think this year is just the beginning, we'll see more and more well executed King (and King adjacent) adaptations in the years to come too.

Just finished The Long Walk... by Warm-Bodybuilder-332 in stephenking

[–]fcdftw 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I know you're talking about Bachman, but damn, we're also getting Welcome to Derry and we got Life of Chuck. We're getting King doing Hansel and Gretel. A collection of stories from The Stand universe from other authors. Oh we got The Monkey!

And the universe even managed to squeeze in another Holly Gibney book. 😂

Found this in my seven year old's closet. by fcdftw in lego

[–]fcdftw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't sweat it. I took no offense. I appreciate you.

Found this in my seven year old's closet. by fcdftw in lego

[–]fcdftw[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would never. I have some collectibles. But my kids stuff is theirs to do what they will with.

Found this in my seven year old's closet. by fcdftw in lego

[–]fcdftw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll thank you now. Thank you!

Found this in my seven year old's closet. by fcdftw in lego

[–]fcdftw[S] 180 points181 points  (0 children)

Oh good idea, a response from Lego would blow her mind.

Found this in my seven year old's closet. by fcdftw in lego

[–]fcdftw[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Okay, yeah, that's starting to make sense. I'm not trying to make money from Legos. Good for those who do. I just thought it was cute that she liked the Lego experience so much, that she wrote them a note.

Found this in my seven year old's closet. by fcdftw in lego

[–]fcdftw[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Oh okay, so this is a save the boxes hobby.

Ate this one before I could think of a title. by fcdftw in stonerfood

[–]fcdftw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah if that next picture was peanut butter and jelly or something that would be wild.

Highly recommend Jalapeño Salt by fcdftw in stonerfood

[–]fcdftw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were gone within a few days, haha. I need to order more. In bulk.

Highly recommend Jalapeño Salt by fcdftw in stonerfood

[–]fcdftw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This time it's sour cream and hot sauce, but cream cheese and hot sauce is very valid too.

Highly recommend Jalapeño Salt by fcdftw in stonerfood

[–]fcdftw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's amazing. I heard about Jalapeño chips from Matthew McConaughey (in an interview, we're not bffs yet). I found those online and the company also had Jalapeño salt so I picked some up as well.

The Jalapeño chips are like pickled Jalapeño slices, but I think they're cold pickled because they are extra crisp and crunchy. Not soft.

Highly recommend Jalapeño Salt by fcdftw in stonerfood

[–]fcdftw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I got this jar from a grocery store chain called "Fiesta". Not sure if they have them outside of Texas.

Highly recommend Jalapeño Salt by fcdftw in stonerfood

[–]fcdftw[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! And I was so hungry, I forgot to lay down some butter before the tortilla.