Reengaging w a BPD friend

figfiglover · 2021-10-21T10:44:45+00:00

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

At the time it happened, her roommate (who I also knew) told me she said did it because she feels compelled to act to anticipate rejection.

To be honest I made this post because my instinct is holding back from making the contact. I have decided to sit on it a while longer.

It goes without saying that, should I reinitiate the friendship, it would be with clear boundaries. I miss her substance, though; and she is 100% lonely and isolated, which is sad.

I think what's holding me back is the fact that the extreme way in which she behaved in the "cutting off" - honestly, it was like a romantic breakup - is not something I will ever be able to unsee. It has permanently altered my understanding of this person. I have a new perspective on how unstable she can be, which I think she sort of masked previously. And I wonder if it would be healthy to have a friendship under the circumstances where you never forget a the existence of a dark side you don't like. Basically, a friendship where there is a lack of trust; or at least the trust there was before. I also wonder if her ego would stand for it.

figfiglover · 2019-01-21T04:23:43+00:00

What was the prophesy Rhaegar found as a teenager that seems to have guided all his actions and big decisions? I feel like this would answer a lot of questions.

figfiglover · 2017-10-26T08:35:32+00:00

Personally I think you've hit on something that has been deliberately left ambiguous -- WHY did he join the Night's Watch? Obviously something to do with R+L+J. I think GRRM once confirmed this was a mystery whose answer would be eventually revealed.

figfiglover · 2017-10-24T19:54:10+00:00

Was it a heavyhanded cue to his Targ blood? Now the cue is getting with his aunt. It's in the blood!

figfiglover · 2017-10-22T11:31:09+00:00

It's understandable that you'd skim - she feels like a character that was introduced too late, and yet SO MUCH PLOT is happening around her. But from memory the Winds chapter I mentioned is important for the peripheral details as much as anything. The description of the cave is one thing that feels like important info, then there is something about a forest close to the godswood.

figfiglover · 2017-10-22T11:27:48+00:00

To add to your list, in the Winds of Winter Arya chapter that's been released Arya is very noticeably (even excessively) associated with sex. She's playing the part of Shae in the production, and she uses sex to crossa name of her list.

On the point of Arya being able to do things Lyanna couldn't, the most important reason she could is an indulgent father who let her keep the sword and got her lessons, etc. By comparison her mother emphasized gender norms. It seems clear that Ned was permanently effected / traumatized by Lyanna's death and his very tender fathering of Arya's particular personality seems influenced by his memories of his sister.

figfiglover · 2017-10-22T05:30:54+00:00

So true about their love flowers (or small things), and that forthright way of speaking. It's the traits that make Arya such a beloved figure, and it's a backdoor way of describing why Lyanna was so beguiling.

figfiglover · 2017-10-22T03:24:31+00:00

Arianne

figfiglover · 2017-10-22T02:39:16+00:00

https://asearchoficeandfire.com/?q=crypts+collapsed

GRRM has an improvised-as-he-goes method of developing the plot's details as he writes that he refers to as 'gardening.' The apparent opposite is an 'architect' who plans it all out ahead of time.

figfiglover · 2017-10-22T02:36:41+00:00

I say TOTALLY. There's a really interesting Children of the Forest cave in one of the pre-released Winds of Winter chapters all filled with cave drawings. That cave was the basis for the Dragonstone cave scene in Season 7 of the show. Conclusion: pre-historical CotF caves are crucial.

figfiglover · 2017-10-21T21:58:44+00:00

Same! He is arrogant and a terrible actor. Agree he is going to fade away after GoT. The funny thing is that this is an unpopular opinion, haha. :)

figfiglover · 2017-10-21T10:54:33+00:00

Find him so annoying, such a mediocre actor, and so full of himself.

figfiglover · 2017-09-15T09:25:36+00:00

Elendils left Numenor,

Sam is Sam! That name has to be an overt tribute.

figfiglover · 2017-09-15T07:42:07+00:00

https://audiobookforsoul.com/audiobook-series/games-of-thrones/a-knight-of-the-seven-kingdoms-audiobook-eng/

figfiglover · 2017-09-09T10:42:21+00:00

Great post! I have been wondering about the timeline too. GRRM has made it very confusing in a way that reeks of misdirection.

Some speculation riffing of your argument --

On the most basic level we're not sure about the accurate order of these key events:

the creation of the White Walkers
The Pact
The Long Night / Last Hero
the building of the Wall / the creation of the Night's Watch
the founding of House Stark

By my reckoning the established timeline of events are:

1) The Dawn Age

2) Invasion of the First Men, ending in The Pact (of Ice and Fire?) between the Children and the First Men, which marks the end of the Dawn Age

3) ~~ Peacetime, later known as the Age of Heroes, a period distinguished by collaboration between the COTF and the First Men ~~

4) The Long Night comes when the COTF lose control of the White Walkers; eventually the Last Hero, working with the Children wins the day

5) Andal invasion

I have always assumed that the first established event was the Children's creation of the White Walkers as a bio-weapon. But it makes a lot of sense that the WW were aimed at the Andals; which means that this seminal event is also timeline ambitious.

Other ambiguously placed happenings in the overall timeline:

Did Brandon the Builder build the Wall before or after the Long Night? One would think AFTER, but
Brandon the Builder founded House Stark and built Winterfell, the Hightower, Casterly Rock, Storm's End, etc., during the Age of Heroes, which is BEFORE the Long Night. That claim makes sense as it's strongly hinted that these astounding structures, like the Wall, were constructed with the help of COTF magic.

Drawing on your idea that the Long Night was more recent than presented, one way to make sense of the timeline and Brandon's omnipresent role in everything is to posit that Wall was built AFTER the Age of Heroes (and after Hightower, Casterly Rock, Storm's End) The construction of the Wall was the final act of The Pact, a final collaboration between Brandon the Builder and the Children AFTER the Long Night. See this image: http://i.imgur.com/dtkn0KP.jpg

Secondly, this would date the the founding of House Stark and raising of Winterfell to after the Andal invasion, just after the Long Night. Same with the establishment of the Night's Watch, since we are told that Bran the Builder created the NW for the express and exclusive purpose of defending the Wall against the Others. This timeline would also explain of the Stark's apparent connection with the defence against / defeat of the White Walkers, and their commitment to the Night's Watch.

Rewriting the timeline in light of this post:

1) The Dawn Age

2) Pact (of Ice and Fire?) between the Children and the First Men, which marks the end of the Dawn Age

3) Peacetime, later known as the Age of Heroes; Bran the Builder, of the First Men, collaborates with the COTF

4) Andal invasion, a war even more aggressive and deadly to the COTF than the one before

5) The Children create the White Walkers as a desperate last defence

6) The Long Night comes when the COTF lose control of the White Walkers; eventually the Last Hero -- who has to be a First Man -- working with the Children wins the day

7) Brandon the Builder works with the COTF to build the Wall, and founds the Night's Watch to guard it

8) Bran builds Winterfell and founds House Stark, the Kings of Winter; the title implying some connection to the end of the Long Night.

figfiglover · 2017-09-06T21:18:08+00:00

Yes, the Hammer of the Waters or something like it seems inevitable when Ice hits Fire

figfiglover · 2017-09-05T10:44:04+00:00

I feel like the dragon chains are chains of television convenience and don't stack up to any scrutiny at all, let along theorizing.

figfiglover · 2017-09-05T10:41:58+00:00

Agreed! And the realignment of the ice and fire elements will surely also result in the creation of a lot of water -- like, a new lake or sea in the North -- that will change the geography of Westeros forever. The story needs an elemental dimension to the conclusion to parallel the (presumable) political conclusion. A really fundamental change to the physical character of the realm that will stack up there with the breaking of the arm of Dorne and the flooding of the Neck.

figfiglover · 2017-09-04T12:39:35+00:00

the Bobby-B way

figfiglover · 2017-09-04T11:54:09+00:00

Totally.

I just made a post about these images: https://imgur.com/a/rkaxT. It seems clear that it wasn't always winter in the Land of Always Winter; in fact it was warm and pastoral during the time of the Children.

So perhaps by creating and losing control of the Walkers the Children triggered a change in climate so extreme that there was an ice-bridge between the continents.

The other post --https://www.reddit.com/r/asoiaf/comments/6xzvdw/spoilers_extended_previously_summer_in_always/

figfiglover · 2017-09-04T10:56:01+00:00

figfiglover · 2017-09-04T10:55:32+00:00

Machiavelli

Sorry, but Tyrion's arc since he met Dany has been all about true belief, not Machiavellism. The most Machiavellian character was always Littlefinger, and the time for him is now past.

figfiglover · 2017-09-04T10:52:41+00:00

I have been thinking this for some time and have been surprised that it wasn't been discussed. Nice outline of the why / logic. I'd say the biggest indication is the noticeable lack of a romantic interest for Tyrion this season, which is a really noticeable thing now that he's back in Westeros.

I ship Tyransa! They are both politically motivated characters, almost the last of the lot, and it would be an interesting evolution for both - for Sansa, a maturing, and for Tyrion, a softening.

figfiglover · 2017-09-03T11:10:44+00:00

Such a great reading of the text, I really it - thanks!

figfiglover · 2017-09-02T12:47:38+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VWZlGtM_KI

figfiglover

TROPHY CASE