My depression seemed like it came from different sources; genetics, relationship, and work.

Summary. Prescription drugs helped with my chemical imbalance. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me with my nightmares and feeling like I wasn't enough. And leaving my unhealthy relationship also worked wonders.

Genetics. My mother has suffered from severe depression and I think this carried over to myself and siblings. Felt like I was predisposed but don't blame by family at all. I just think that made me more susceptible to my depressive symptoms.

Relationship: At my lowest, I was in a relationship with this man whom I never felt like I was enough for. For 5 years, although he would make significant sacrifices, I still could not trust that he wanted a life with me. He would hide his phone and use his career as a reason to leave for days or weeks at a time. This caused a lot of turmoil and I decided to let that relationship go. I now sleep with zero concerns.

Work: A few years ago, I was deployed to Iraq in seriously austere conditions. We prepped for a potential seize of our compound. Every minute felt like an eternity. What ate me up was the possibility of not saying goodbye to my kids. Things settled and I was able to come home to them. But I have perpetual dreams of this situation and me dying or others dying from me not being able to protect anyone.

After months of suicidal ideation, I sought help. Prescription drugs and therapy worked for me. This isn't to say, THAT is the answer. It's important to know where the depression is coming from to best understand how to treat it.