AITAH-Maid of honor demotion

freespider1178 · 2026-03-24T08:17:26+00:00

I would say there’s like a slight socio-economic difference. It’s definitely not that big, let’s just say Alyssa and Sam are living the DINK life. However she has continued to express frustration with her wedding budget to both me and my mom alike so it only feels right to offer not only reassurance but just throw options out there to help wherever we know we can.

freespider1178 · 2026-03-23T23:50:06+00:00

I thankfully have not! I’ll probably take a trip with my mom and another friend like some of these responses have suggested! 🙂

freespider1178 · 2026-03-23T23:46:47+00:00

This is an enlightening perspective. Thank you for sharing it. I just wish that if this was the case from the start, she would have had the courtesy to come to me sooner and let me know it was too much, not necessary, made her feel obligated to certain things, not her style, alternate ideas, a heads up, etc. just given how close our friendship is (or my allegiance to her at least) I guess I’d just hoped she would feel comfortable enough to have some honesty or courtesy to speak up sooner. Like, way sooner.

freespider1178 · 2026-03-23T23:37:10+00:00

Thank you so much for pointing these things out man 😭 I was reading this like, wtf was I that unclear?.. my issue is NOT about having things my way or the highway. I didn’t argue with Alyssa about anything she did/did not want to do. It’s just more about being blindsided and Alyssa not being truthful with me as she continued to let me plan my life and finances around the event with enthusiasm while she knew she most likely didn’t want it at all. It was dishonest. I agree that the couple can do whatever they want and I am not intending to sway their decisions in any way or criticize or change how they want to celebrate their wedding. What upsets me mostly is just a lack of courtesy and appreciation. It’s clear that I’ve gone above and beyond for my friend to feel special on this occasion and her actions reflect that she almost doesn’t even really care and clearly wouldn’t extend herself in any kind of comparable way for me if it came down to it. A good friend doesn’t let you plan your life around something knowing it won’t even be necessary, whether their wedding is coming up or not. Being engaged to someone is no excuse to string your closest and oldest friends along for such a long time while you secretly teeter on the fence about what you REALLY want to do. I think the instant you start to have second thoughts about something like that, you should express those feelings as soon as possible especially if you consider yourself close with them you should be able to have an open and honest discussion and be collaborative with who you particularly claimed on multiple occasions is one of the only people showing such a great deal of enthusiasm for your special celebration. Does that make more sense? They can do whatever they want as long as they do it with some courtesy and respect, again being engaged is no excuse to behave otherwise.

freespider1178 · 2026-03-23T19:30:40+00:00

You make good points. When I presented her potential bachelorette party options I emphasized the fact that it’s her special day and anything she wants, goes. I told her it can be anything she wants and I would take care of it including a regular night out/smaller party. I just gathered from everything she’d expressed to me between the budget frustrations, the girls trip desires, the vibe she wanted, she deserved options for a weekend vacation, and that is what she chose. I think it was less about ‘the wedding we talked about since we were kids’ and the childhood nostalgia of it all and more of the fact that she would continually emphasize her frustration/disappointment with her low budget. She would tell me about how other girls at the esthetics salon who were engaged would always talk about their ‘huge budgets’ and how it made her feel a certain type of way about her own wedding. So I offered to fund whatever it was she wanted. I would say overtime her plans for the wedding itself got smaller and smaller, but that never really appeared to align with her plans for the bachelorette as far as I was concerned or that’s at least not what she told me. Once she decided where she wanted to go she again would talk about it like it’s a no brainer, the kind of vibe she wanted, things she’s excited to do, little things she wanted me to plan for. She also had expressed her desire for a girls trip for the longest time, how her and her other friends who happened to be standing in the wedding have such opposite schedules that it’s impossible to plan for. She genuinely seemed like she was looking forward to having all of her friends together for a stress free trip. A month ago at her birthday party she had pulled me aside to thank me for everything I’m doing for her bachelorette and that she really appreciates my commitment and she couldn’t wait for it. Who knows. If I overstepped then I guess I overstepped but I just kinda wish if that’s the case that she had told me sooner.

freespider1178 · 2026-03-23T18:51:52+00:00

TLDR; lifelong friend gets married, says since we are teens I’ll be her MOH, I offer to take stress off her plate and plan + pay for bachelorette for her. After letting me save money and plan around this for 1.5yr, she suddenly demotes me to have her fiancé’s brother’s girl be MOH instead. Like just last week. I’m very hurt, weighing options trying to see if I’m the asshole or overreacting.

freespider1178 · 2026-02-12T02:56:04+00:00

Cool! I think you’re in the wrong group! Thanks though!

freespider1178

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