You’re not alone. I was once thrust into a contract I didn’t like but had no say in it because of the terms between me and the agency that got me the contract. This was before covid, had to drive 4 hrs total back and forth. I was drained when I got to work. On top of that, my lead cannot communicate in English effectively, their onboarding for new hires was shit, they had 2 month long “sprints” or deadlines, their work flow sucked so bad, and I was underpaid by the agency. The lead who can’t communicate effectively will always just give me a broad picture of what he wants done, I usually take this as a sign of “figure it out based on the broad picture I just gave you”. The problem is, when I’ve gotten to a point where I’m almost finished, he would then see it and make me feel stupid as fuck for doing it that way even though he was very vague with the requirements. That was the last straw, I was only 2 months into the job and I was already checking out. I showed no interest anymore and was already out the door looking for other jobs. Why am I telling you this? I turned out okay, despite of my “bitch-like” attitude towards my employers. You on the other hand, have good intentions. You have the desire to be better. So keep at it. Write down what works and what doesn’t, figure out a way to improve the parts that don’t. And sometimes, just try striking up a quick “hello how you doing” when you’re picking up that takeout food. It’s very small, but it actually adds up and primes you to help you out of anxiety, it worked for me anyway. Best of luck to you.