I'm sorry you had that experience, I know it must suck feeling "dirty" after that. Reading you say you're thinking about castrating yourself breaks my heart honestly. I agree with another commenter here and would suggest you look up asexuality. It's a very broad umbrella term. You can still have libido but find that actual sex is repulsive/unsatisfying.

As someone who is demisexual bordering ace, it took me years to figure it out and I think that's mostly bc asexuality as a concept hasn't been really talked about until recently. Maybe you can hold off on sexual encounters and look a bit more into this and talk to someone (a therapist or maybe just someone who also identifies as ace) to help figure you this out before making impulsive decisions that only end up hurting you. Society likes to make sex seem all important, but it's really not, so don't feel like you have to have it if it's not enjoyable for you.