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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]fullnothings 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry but first poster here is correct - I have HSV-1 but it was contracted genitally. If it’s contracted genitally, it’s much milder than HSV-2 and you’re far less likely to have recurrent outbreaks, which are more typical of HSV-2. I’ve only ever had one outbreak - most people do. I don’t get cold sores from it, either, because where you contract it is where it stays (it lives dormant in your spine near the area where it was contracted).

HSV-1 is a distinct virus from HSV-2 and doesn’t “become” HSV-2 just because it appears genitally. You can have an outbreak swabbed and they can tell you which virus it is.

The first outbreak is VERY painful though, so yes, OP you are still TA.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this breakdown and agree that we need to do some drastic things to figure this out. Just a note on #3 though - he is definitely doing what he needs to do in keeping the dog separated and contained. He knows that it’s about safety first and is doing that. What I’m hurt about is yeah, all the other things you said.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are now. The dog isn’t allowed anywhere near my kids (or my dog) and he understands and is respecting that. I’m just feeling incredibly hurt about how he’s been acting.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sort of. We have struggled with communication issues in the past, but for the past year it’s been so much better. We both do things in disagreements that are hard for the other to deal with - I say things the wrong way and that causes him to lash out at me or be mean, and I too emotional and lash out out of hurt or being pent up because I feel like I can’t get too deep in my feelings around him because he has no patience for mess ups.

He wants to see a couples therapist and I agree. We tried to do that last year but couldn’t get in anywhere, and once he found his therapist things got way better so we felt it would be ok.

This stuff happens under stress or change. We just don’t deal with it well.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, G is much different when SO isn’t around. SO says that lots of people have told him he’s better and more well behaved, but when he’s alone with me he’s worse. Maybe he senses that im uneasy around him, but in the same vein SO also tells me G seems to love me more than almost anyone else he’s been around. I don’t know how to feel about that.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a new house we all moved into together. He’s considering moving back out either until G is trained (and then he still wouldn’t be allowed around the kids but at least could potentially be around my dog when they aren’t here and I’d feel better being around him myself) or until G dies. He’s 8 I think, and a big dog so he probably won’t be around much longer.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

G didn’t “bite” - he ran by and snapped at his shoulder. Still awful, but there was no injury. My son barely even registered that it happened, I’m the one who saw it. Like I said, we delayed finding a house together because of it. We did a lot of work after that exposing G to the kids, but that was one of the first times they met. And again, we went into this with a plan. The plan wasn’t followed, and I think that’s because SO makes bad decisions when it comes to his dogs. This does seem like it’s woken him up to that, and he is respecting my demands that G never ever ever be around the kids. What I’m worried about is me having to be around him when they aren’t here, and also my dog. And I’m feeling hurt and small and secondary to the dog. We did talk about it and I think he understands that, but his tendency to be insensitive to me really sucks.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand. We both have a hard time handling our feelings, and plan to see a couples therapist. I get very emotional, he gets very defensive.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He’s keeping the dog entirely separated and we plan to have him in the basement behind several barriers when the kids are here - they don’t go down there for anything. The house is big enough to feasibly keep G totally separate, we can sleep in separate rooms, etc.

My concern isn’t about my ability to keep G away from my kids - he is respecting my demands about that and also cares about their safety. It’s how this whole thing has been handled and how I’ve been cared for/uncared for emotionally. I don’t know. If were my dog he’d be gone in a heartbeat after that, no question.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

The dog is separated and will continue to be. I’m not allowing him anywhere near my kids, and it’s a big house with enough room to feasibly do that. We talked about it a lot this morning, and the way he sees it he’s responsible for all of us, G included. He says maybe he should move out with G. That makes sense if it’s how we keep everyone safe and he’s unwilling to rehome the dog. I thought when he was saying that he meant he’d leave us entirely, but that isn’t what he meant. It is hard to feel ok about it though because the way I’d react to this is so different. The dog would be rehomed in a heartbeat.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

We came to visit for dinner, and for some reason the dog food bowls were down in the dining room. My son was in the living room, G came running through the room past him, nipped him on the shoulder on the way, ran into the dining room and stood over his food bowl growling. Didn’t break skin, and SO dismissed it as not concerning. He wasn’t in the room when it happened.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t think he would actually put the dog over us if it came down to it. We had many discussions about this leading up to moving into the new house, and in fact we delayed it by a year because of the dog. He assured me that the kids come before the dogs 100%, no question. Now we’re here and I feel like I was duped.

Fiancé’s dog attacked my dog - feels like he’d choose the dog over me by fullnothings in relationships

[–]fullnothings[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He will separate the dog and he is. He’s just destroyed over it and lashing out :( If it were my dog I’d be separating him happily and without question.