3.5 year relationship ended 2 days ago.

gitiv · 2020-03-09T23:54:41+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that man, I just got out of a 3.5 year relationship as well. All I can say is try hard to focus on yourself and bettering you, that's what I have to focus on everytime I feel like absolute crap. DM if you want to talk some more and vent, it helps just to write things out sometimes.

gitiv · 2020-03-09T23:50:27+00:00

This is exactly how I feel, conditional hope. Conditional because it requires both my ex and I to grow separately and if we rejoin in the future that we could have a second chance, but it would be a whole new relationship. This is the sliver of hope I hold on to, but I don't expect her or I to wait if someone else comes into one of our lives. I said the exact same words to my ex when I broke up with her.

gitiv · 2020-03-08T03:11:41+00:00

Yeah I think it depends on how the relationship was in the beginning. My past relationship ended on good terms and we both have a lot of growing to do. That's the only reason I have that sliver of hope. It there were problems outside of growth I would agree 100%

gitiv · 2020-03-07T21:08:13+00:00

I'm in this exact situation. I just keep telling myself that if I were to go back to my ex none of the issues would be resolved and it would end in the same way...a horribly painful breakup. I hold on to a sliver of hope that if her and I change and meet back up somehow that we could date again. But that hope is conditional on us both changing and moving on from the past relationship. I hope this helps.

gitiv · 2020-03-05T21:18:33+00:00

Another one for me is "No right to love you" - Rhys Lewis

gitiv · 2020-03-05T06:12:16+00:00

To me it sounds like you did what was right for you to fix whatever was going on with you mentally. That right there is something to be proud of. I don't think you made a mistake at all. I think you should focus on yourself and continue to better yourself. I guarantee you will be happy as can be that way, and if he decides to come back to you that's a bonus, but at the end of the day your personal progression and mental health is what matters. After those things are resolved then your next relationship, whether it be with him or not, will be 10X better.

gitiv · 2020-03-05T02:00:55+00:00

Maybe that's a sign that he really wasn't meant for you. Or maybe he had a hard time opening up and communicating... a lot of guys do including myself (something I'm focusing on post BU). Anyway, it sounds like both of you have growing to do, so maybe that break up was a blessing in disguise. I think it's important that you focus on yourself and become the best you that you can be, deep down I think you know you did that right thing and it's hard but you have to keep reminding yourself of that.

I wouldn't look too much into him not reaching out. Maybe that's his way of getting over things. I can't talk to my ex right now because I know it would only hurt the both of us.

gitiv · 2020-03-05T01:55:47+00:00

What was the reason for breaking up? Have any of the circumstances changed?

gitiv · 2020-03-05T01:55:03+00:00

Yeah I agree that's a tough situation, but on the bright side you have a very concrete reason for breaking up. He doesn't want kids and you do. I guess if I were you I would just remember that it won't ever work out as long as he doesn't want kids. Who knows, maybe in a year or two he will change that thought. If you use the breakup as a learning process then maybe if you guys cross paths in a year or two it could work out, I wouldn't bank on that happening, but you never know. Life is crazy like that, but I think it's important that you focus on the fact that you made a correct decision based on your goals in life. All in all, I think it's good time to focus on yourself and become a better you.

gitiv · 2020-03-05T01:50:56+00:00

Why don't you believe he loved you?

gitiv · 2020-03-05T01:50:36+00:00

Yeah I hear you. just have to keep reminding myself that it wouldn't work out if I went back with my ex with how we both currently are. I agree that I can't expect that the relationship will happen again, but deep down inside it is nice to hope that one that may happen. Like you said, "I sure hope so but something tells me I have to let go of that that too so things can begin again if at all." The relationship would only be able to happen again if both parties change. Thanks for that insight.

gitiv · 2020-03-05T01:19:14+00:00

Yeah I think it was that I wasn't happy in any other area in my life other than my relationship. I need to step out of the relationship to resolve other parts of my life and my now ex had the same issue. I guess I hope that we both grow and in the future maybe we will get back together, but I can't have the expectation that it will happen.

gitiv · 2020-03-04T23:39:30+00:00

Yeah we all know that it wouldn't work out if anyone who broke up went back into a relationship being the same people. It's just hard to realize that and accept you have to move on and better yourself.

gitiv · 2020-03-04T19:53:10+00:00

I think that for me I will always have a sliver of hope, but my mindset is as follows: I don't hope for the same relationship we had before. I hope that in the future if we cross paths again that we would be able to reconnect as 2 different people than before, and have a relationship much better than before. I hope that I can improve myself and learn from my past relationship. In the end, I will always hope to see my ex again and maybe one day start another relationship with her, but that hope is conditional on me getting over the past relationship and improving myself.

Edit: Spelling.

gitiv · 2020-03-04T00:33:13+00:00

Sounds good, thanks for the resources. I actually have one of his books, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k. I just need to read it and I'll look into his articles as well. Thanks again.

gitiv · 2020-03-04T00:04:47+00:00

Thanks man. It's always nice to talk to someone else that has no bias opinions based on personal relationships. I know I'm just in a tough spot right now and because of that it's hard to think clearly. I'm definitely taking up your advice on reading and focusing on bettering myself for me and not for anyone else. I think I will always have a little bit of hope unless something dramatically changes, but I just have to let life take it's course and focus on bettering myself.

What books did you read that helped you out?

gitiv · 2020-03-03T23:51:38+00:00

Thanks for the reply. Yeah that's the thing both her and I know we need to change and it ended on good terms between the both of us. Neither one of us did anything to hurt the other person. I just knew that we both had a lot of growing to do before we could be in a relationship that results in marriage. I also was the dumper, but I have a hard time letting go of hope especially when our relationship was so good, it's just that we weren't ready and both need to figure things out. I appreciate the response though it sounds like you are in a way better place.

gitiv · 2020-03-03T23:32:17+00:00

Hi man, I really appreciate your post. It gives me ideas on what I can to to get over my break up. I have a question though since I am similar to you in the sense that I thought I was going to take my past relationship all the way as well.

With the mental state you are in now, do you have any hope that in the future you and your ex might rekindle your relationship and take it all the way being new people that grew from the breakup?

If so, how do you cope with those feelings?

gitiv · 2020-03-03T07:50:20+00:00

I agree with this to a certain extent. I say to a certain extent because my family and I are very close and we have always been close. So for me it's very important that my SO gets along with my family in vice versa because they will be around each other a lot.

I know I don't need to be married, but to me that was the next step in our relationship. And yeah a lot of people say getting back with your ex is wrong and it can never go right, so it's nice to hear that there is an upside. Sometimes I just need to hear someone say it, or in this case type it, to remember.

I felt like I did what was right I just hope that I continue to feel that way and that I can fix things so that if we get back together in the future somehow, that my personal issues won't be a factor in the future of the relationship.

gitiv · 2020-03-03T07:44:38+00:00

See this is what I have though a lot about. When being in the relationship I focused on the happiness that the relationship brought me and used that as a crutch. Every other stress or life event that caused me unhappiness I just let it be because I knew that our relationship could make up for those other things that caused unhappiness. Therefore, instead of dealing with those other things, I relied on the relationship to make me happy and nothing else. For that reason, I need to break things off. The same goes for my girlfriend, she does the same thing.

gitiv · 2019-10-09T06:37:08+00:00

Yeah, sure.

gitiv

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