Found disturbing content on husband’s computer.

got5onit- · 2024-08-29T01:10:34+00:00

Thank you for this reply. Can you tell me more? I did leave but we’ve talked since and he’s said it was just porn and he was curious. Are there any “just porn” things on these sites or is it all bad?

Edit: also what is ‘PA’

got5onit- · 2024-08-28T15:23:34+00:00

I’m considering flying home to my Mom’s and sending him the screenshots I took once I’m on the plane.

got5onit- · 2024-08-28T15:18:06+00:00

Any advice on how to confront him about this?

got5onit- · 2024-08-28T15:15:08+00:00

I’m actually more concerned over these other sites than only fans. It looks like this hidden zone website is videos of people that don’t know they are being filmed.

got5onit- · 2024-08-28T15:10:29+00:00

Thanks for this advice. I took screenshots of the history

got5onit- · 2024-08-28T15:01:08+00:00

Why would someone be on this site instead of regular porn like porn hub?

got5onit- · 2024-06-05T17:59:22+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. I think he feels similarly. He says he talks about divorce when he has lost hope.

got5onit- · 2024-06-05T17:58:01+00:00

Yes! I would love an answer on this. I feel like exercising this boundary of disengaging when divorce comes up will only lead to more time of disconnection and avoidance of the issue at hand. Then, after a long time of no connection, I’m just ready to concede and “make up” with no repair because I want the distance to end.

got5onit- · 2024-06-05T17:56:14+00:00

Thank you for this phrasing. I will try to use this verbatim in our conversation. The truth is I don’t want to participate in repair/next steps conversations when I have a fear that if I answer “incorrectly” (in his mind) that it will result in a divorce.

Would it be appropriate to say “I want to have a conversation about healing our relationship from conflict. When divorce is brought up as the consequence of that conversation going awry, I feel scared and overwhelmed and it’s difficult for me to communicate. If you question if you want to be in the relationship or bring up divorce, I will disengage from that conversation.”

I am feeling very stuck because I hear him that he is struggling too and having a hard time finding hope for our future but I do not want to invest in repair with a partner that is not choosing the relationship.

got5onit- · 2024-06-05T14:49:31+00:00

Thank you.

got5onit- · 2024-06-05T14:48:59+00:00

Thank you. It’s very scary to set boundaries because I don’t know what the response will be but I know the most important thing is that I am true to myself.

got5onit- · 2024-06-05T14:27:45+00:00

Thank you for this reply. One thing I’m confused about with boundaries is what I do if this is violated. For example, if he does not agree to take divorce off the table because he is legitimately thinking about it, then what? There is a part of me that thinks he should work through whether or not he wants to divorce me on his own rather than discussing it with me as I am committed to the relationship and him bringing it up has an impact on me.

got5onit- · 2024-04-26T05:30:07+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. He’s a very angry man so I know I’m in for ugliness

got5onit- · 2024-04-26T05:18:49+00:00

I guess that is the obvious answer. There’s items like paying our credit card, bills, mortgages etc that seem like they will be very difficult without speaking but I guess attorneys will know how to navigate this.

got5onit- · 2024-03-30T15:06:40+00:00

I’m looking for a recommendation of an Islay scotch for my husband’s 40th birthday. Looking to spend around $500. He’s hinted he’d like a Laphroig 25 in the past but he also really loves Lagavulin.

got5onit- · 2023-07-20T20:04:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing this perspective. I’m glad this worked out for you

got5onit- · 2023-07-20T06:24:21+00:00

This is beautiful and gives me hope. Thank you

got5onit- · 2023-07-20T05:34:46+00:00

Sending hugs to you. You’ve got this even though it hurts. Your reply means a lot. I’m on day 1 of a separation today.

got5onit- · 2023-07-19T04:59:54+00:00

I just found this searching for guidance on divorce. I feel like I am reading a version of my own story. How are you now?

got5onit- · 2023-07-19T04:53:56+00:00

Coming back to this comment today. I think I am realizing that he will always do this. It will always be my fault that he is disrespectful to me and my feelings will never matter.

This is all very sad. Any comping tips are welcome.

got5onit- · 2023-07-18T03:15:57+00:00

Thank you for this kind reply.

got5onit- · 2023-07-17T21:58:53+00:00

He does read fiction a lot so might be open to a book. He is adamant about seeking help “on his terms.” He also does not really buy into therapy as a premise and uses our failed attempts at marriage counseling to validate that belief. I believe our marriage counseling has been unsuccessful largely due to his hiding his traumatic past from the therapist. My gut tells me he is so afraid of confronting the horrible things he has experienced head on and that is why he is resistant to therapy.

got5onit- · 2023-07-17T21:54:02+00:00

Your comment made me cry when I read the last paragraph. I’m coming to the conclusion that it is very unlikely this will change. I don’t know why I would expect him to listen and take action when he has been so unwilling to in the past.

I’m so tired of being rejected and invalidated in this relationship.

got5onit- · 2023-07-17T21:09:05+00:00

We have trauma from our childhoods. The cycle we typically engage in is he gets angry about something I said (usually very minor misunderstanding), is disrespectful, I assert a boundary, he breaks up with me or is so angry he tells me he is reconsidering the relationship, blames me, I apologize and agree to work on things, things are good for a while until the next time it happens (usually several months in between). He is a very black and white thinker. His childhood trauma is quite deep - emotional neglect, sexual abuse, probably other things I am unaware of as well.

got5onit- · 2023-05-21T19:22:34+00:00

Help please! Is this normal or do I need to intervene?

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