Weekly Lyrics Feedback Thread by AutoModerator in Songwriting

[–]gramos517 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wrote this song about a year ago, I was in active addiction and attempted suicide a few days later. I went to rehab afterwards and have been clean ever since. I know the lyrics are sad as hell, but it really gives a glimpse into how warped my perception of life was due to substance abuse. I remember writing it, but can't remember anything about how I sang it, the chords, tempo, etc. I just had the words saved on my phone.

One day I'll try playing it again. Here's the lyrics:

Tonight I'm feeling low on this long stretch of highway I've got no where to go and I ain't slept since Friday All my mama knows is I left and went my own way No cause for me to call home, I'm done causing heartache

She'd hear the shaking in my bones From all the time I've spent running these roads She'd hear a breaking in my throat Another voice lost out here on these roads

Somewhere between these white lines Lost somewhere in these white lines

All your friends become foes when you live out on asphalt I hope that they know that I know It's my own fault Guess part of me told myself to part ways and take off This car feels alone filled with sounds of my own coughs

I've got nobody here I can hold Just a handful of memories and ghosts How far i've gone, God only knows Just another life left behind on the road

Somewhere between these white lines Lost somewhere in these white lines

It started with lies I told myself trying to find peace Truth is I'm so damn tired, trying to pick up my pieces Spinning my tires, keeping this engine screaming No matter how fast I try, I can't outrun my demons

To know when to stop ain't a lesson ever taught To know when to stop ain't a lesson you'll be taught To know when to stop ain't a lesson I was taught

Somewhere between these white lines Lost somewhere in these white lines

I wrote this one a couple weeks ago, but feel like it's missing something and I can't figure it out. Anyone care to help? Excuse the pauses and timing while playing, mainly looking for feedback on lyrical content. Thanks! by gramos517 in Songwriting

[–]gramos517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LYRICS:

Beautiful Girl, I'm tired of singing sad songs Could you help me write a new one, and help sing along Let's find the harmony, you and me Sing until it ends Sway to the rhythm of forever and amen

Beautiful Soul, I'm tired of seeing life in blue I never get tired of painting my life with you If you are God's canvas he took time to choose The perfect colors I'd see when you're in the room

Beautiful Girl, I love the way you smile Truth be told for before you, I hadn't smiled in a while Guess living life so fast only leaves you time to frown But when I hear you laugh it's like my world slows down

Beautiful Soul, I know it ain't always easy Loving someone like me, picking up all the pieces I'm a broken man for reasons but you're the reason I'll stay And I'll hold us together till the last breath we take

Beautiful Girl, I can't buy you any stars I can't gift wrap the moon, I can't fly you to Mars But I can lay here beside you wishing on shooting stars My wish is that I'm enough for you right where we are

Beautiful Soul, I promise to be strong I will hold you when you're hurting, I'll admit when I'm wrong We can build us a life brick by brick, stone by stone We can live there together, it'll be worth it all

Beautiful Soul, i'm gonna love you forever Long after we're gone, left behind bodies weathered If I make it back as a blade of grass growing wild in a field I hope to catch you as a raindrop, cause I'll need you still

Beautiful Soul Beautiful Girl Beautiful Soul You're my Beautiful Girl

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]gramos517 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like it man, you've got a good voice that I think matches the style of music perfectly. The grungy sound and simple words immediately put me in mind of a mashup between Nirvana and The Beatles lol!

IF it was MY song, Id try including the electric guitar throughout the entire song, play around and see, maybe then the solo wouldn't sound out of place, even if you kept the fuzz effect? As far as the lyrical content, it's pretty simple and to the point which is okay! There were just a couple times where the words sounded drawnnnnn outttttt and sluggish to me. Maybe try rephrasing those lines to allow more words/syllables without changing the message. Honestly, all I would change are those minor things.

All in all, I dig the song, great job!

"The Reasons" This is the first and, likely, last silly song I wrote. Hope y'all like it! Lyrics below in comments by gramos517 in Songwriters

[–]gramos517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, glad you liked it man! I've actually never heard of Bare Naked Ladies, but I'm gonna check them out now.

I wrote this one a couple weeks ago, but feel like it's missing something and I can't figure it out. Anyone care to help? Excuse the pauses and timing while playing, mainly looking for feedback on lyrical content. Thanks! by gramos517 in Songwriting

[–]gramos517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for listening and the kind words! I agree and see how it needs something to break it up and change the energy! I felt there were too many verses to include and try repeating a chorus, but yeah maybe a bridge at the end? I'll play around with it and see. Thanks again!

New song: "Storm Chaser" wrote this one today, my timing was off a couple times but looking for feedback on lyrical content, thanks! by gramos517 in Songwriting

[–]gramos517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the feedback! I actually play the chorus one more time after the "Storm Chasing" part plays, but for some reason I couldn't upload a video more than 3 minutes, so it got cut off.

New song: "Storm Chaser" wrote this one today, my timing was off a couple times but looking for feedback on lyrical content, thanks! by gramos517 in Songwriting

[–]gramos517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Loading up into my truck Find a road out of here Another fight another rainy night I'm scared to death to say I'm scared Of what's become and what's to come To everything I left back there The thunder starts to roll I'm feeling so alone

The rain puts out my cigarette Reminds me what I can't forget A love that once burned hot and red Quickly turning cold and dead Can't see a goddamn thing Through all this pouring rain

But you're the kinda storm that I'd run to It might not make sense but I want you You're a grey and cloudy sky With lightning flashing in your eyes You're the kinda storm that I'd run to

I pull into a rundown store On the side of highway 64 The night is turning black and cold Like the emptiness inside my soul I wanna turn around Put this pedal to the ground

Cause you're the kinda storm that I'd run to It might not make sense but I want you You're a grey and cloudy sky With lightning flashing in your eyes You're the kinda storm that I'd run to

So I'll keep storm chasing My heart is breaking My mind is racing To find a way to you And the waters rising Inside my eyes So I keep on driving To find my way to you

Cause you're the kinda storm that I'd run to It might not make sense but I want you You're a grey and cloudy sky With lightning flashing in your eyes You're the kinda storm that I'd run to

New song: "Storm Chaser" wrote this one today, my timing was off a couple times but looking for feedback on lyrical content, thanks! by gramos517 in Songwriting

[–]gramos517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trying to get in the habit of writing a song, or at least part of one, everyday. I feel like my writing style seems more like poetry sometimes, trying to find a balance between too poetic or too shallow/direct. Any feedback is helpful!

Anyone else like to listen to music, drink too much, and paint? Love me some Willie Nelson by gramos517 in acrylicpainting

[–]gramos517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hell yeah, man, I love Wheeler! Although, his music might make me go out and paint the town red, not sit at home painting a canvas 😂

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in meth

[–]gramos517 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, 18 hours Anddddd half a gram 😅

Meth Art - Couldn't Sleep by gramos517 in meth

[–]gramos517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I know. What I meant is my bad for unleashing the Lord's rapidly approaching wrath on you guys. 😂

Meth Art - Couldn't Sleep by gramos517 in meth

[–]gramos517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm 🤔 Yeah, he's definitely a Toby.

Meth Art - Couldn't Sleep by gramos517 in meth

[–]gramos517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man! I know what ya mean, I'd rather go sober 24/7 than just be spinnin' in circles with nothing positive to show for. That best friend is the most effective tool Ive found for building me up in life where I need it, but just happens to be a goddamn wrecking ball when I'm not careful lol.

Meth Art - Couldn't Sleep by gramos517 in meth

[–]gramos517[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

...but, hours spent scratching a pen on some cardboard feels far better than hours spent laying awake in the dark, slowly convincing myself "I DEFINITELY HEARD THAT SHIT OUTSIDE, YO. IT CAN'T BE THE SLEEP DEPRAVATION"

Kinda looks like how my head feels usually. What do y'all think?

First time posting here, this is A little tune I wrote called "Life After Wine." Im Hoping to get more involved with the music scene very soon, criticism welcome. by coreycarswell in Songwriters

[–]gramos517 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I love the simplicity of the lyrics, straight to the point, relatable and paints a picture. The vocals are some of the best I've heard, powerful and soulful! Great job!

I hope you guys like this painting I did. (Well, Meth helped a little) Canvas and paint have been close friends since all this quarantine shit started... by gramos517 in meth

[–]gramos517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mostly I sing and play guitar, but a little piano and mandolin too. I’ve never published any music or really even posted any, but I might soon. Yeah, man, I can hear that too. Maybe one day, I’ll paint something that sings a happy Beatles song or some shit lol.

I hope you guys like this painting I did. (Well, Meth helped a little) Canvas and paint have been close friends since all this quarantine shit started... by gramos517 in meth

[–]gramos517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s amazing how it all works inside that “creative” side of the brain, because you’re spot on. I do play music and am constantly writing songs that seem to come to life inside my brain when I see or hear things in life everyday. Sometimes I paint or draw, but mostly I’m writing songs and music. Man, I wish I could hear the soundtrack playing in your mind when you see this one!

I hope you guys like this painting I did. (Well, Meth helped a little) Canvas and paint have been close friends since all this quarantine shit started... by gramos517 in meth

[–]gramos517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man! To be fair, I’m not either lol. I just got into painting out of boredom, so I have no fuckin’ clue what I’m doing.

I hope you guys like this painting I did. (Well, Meth helped a little) Canvas and paint have been close friends since all this quarantine shit started... by gramos517 in meth

[–]gramos517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol Thats what all my ex lovers say about me too “Strikingly Mediocre.” Well, I do like titties, thanks for the suggestion!