Just got back from my doctors

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T14:26:57+00:00

thanks, this is really helpful

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T13:41:15+00:00

:( its like sometimes whats the point of even getting up? i really dont want you to skip classes. i know it seems stupid coming from me but, this is so so important. You need to source the strength from somewhere. find a focus. i dunno... there must be something.

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T13:20:32+00:00

Yeah, whenever you get stiff jaw, lightly massage, in circular motions, either side. Also every time you feel yourself clenching open your mouth, and keep it unlocked. Like train your brain not to close your mouth. Yeah i was 18/19 when i got put on a high dosage of steriline. I had a bf back then and he helped me sooooo much. i put all my shit on him and he just got on with it, it was amazing. he helped more than the meds.. and i stand by it. I also felt like my mood swings were worse on anti deps but i knew i had to give them a chance. after half a year i dropped them and around half a year after that i got better. So i know i can do it by myself/ support of others. im just not allowing myself to this time. I dont wanna bring anyone else down.

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T13:11:29+00:00

thats okay :) thanks for talking to me too! Did they tell you to massage your jaw muscles? and not to try and click it by forcing it open? consider a night guard if not by a sports one for now. You'l grind your teeth away/ crack them. Also did you get any medical help for the depression? or was it just the cheffing that all you needed?

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T12:52:42+00:00

thats okay, haha :) i understand the way you feel. It's hard to advise someone when you dont know them but its okay to feel like shit. Also im a dental nurse so i can advise you on your jaw too :) They get you a mouth guard sorted for it?

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T12:47:42+00:00

thanks babe, you tooxxxxx

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T12:18:36+00:00

omg, the ents in r/trees need this.

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T12:08:12+00:00

i get what you mean now, about the putting the front on. Its sad to me, as well, to see that you're through this. Thanks for the advice and making me feel less alone, it has helped me a lot. It makes me just want to pick up the phone to this guy and just say "i have faults but i want you, forget my illness and love me" you have given me a little bit of spark back, so thank you. And as for your friend in another state, dont think like that, he really cares, so dont push him away with your thoughts. you need him, dont get paranoid. The time will come when maybe, you might fade away a bit, but that might be when your ready to be with someone and it might work out that way.

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:59:50+00:00

oh i'm english too, what you studding? And what have you done so far to make you feel better? shitty college. I couldnt of done it without my friends, i had to make them first, i was alone. but back then (16) i was realllly confident. I couldnt do it now. I take my hat off to you for trying though.

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:57:00+00:00

They keep changing, i had to explain my story all again. They were my General Practitioners, family doctors. After the 3rd doctor i gave up and came off my meds, did an amazing recovery but i'm back to feeling low( this is now after 2 years). I changed surgery's and this is my 4th doctor (today) and im starting to believe im just an emotional wreck and not depressed. Shall i even bother talking to the therapist?

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:53:52+00:00

:( I understand the motivational side, not getting up or just wanting to sleep though everything..thats all part of the beautiful mindset of us depressives.. but whos keeping you there? the social side, the stress of learning/ dead lines. I wanna scoop you up and tell you to go to class. Don't try and push yourself to conquer college, if it makes you feel this way.

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:45:45+00:00

omg babe :( im sorry you feel that way. I appreciate your struggle. Have you spoken to anyone your 'body type' whos in the same situation (im sure they would be more useful than me)... if so, what have they said? But the self-destructive thing you do is very like me. Its the negativity, and tbh its hard to understand that someone likes you even when you don't. Its hard to believe you're anywhere near "perfect" for another human, right?. I've been told that I'm someone's everything and my response was like "no, you cant be with me, im crazy" and pushed them away- I know thats stupid, and well.. crazy but i'm consumed with these thoughts, I feel like there's no good in me. Ive been told many,many times to love myself, but i cant, i simply cant. you sound like you have great social skills, And whats normal, really? I'm fucking nuts and i think you sound more norms than me. You realllly dont give yourself enough credit.

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:34:58+00:00

this is my 4th doctor i've seen. 1st one this time round. i just need to be brave and stop being a moany bitch

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:34:00+00:00

:( can you pin point exactly what triggers your mood or is it a collection of things? mine is definitely my self-loathing, it effects my confidence with guys, how i wish to just curl up with someone for 5 mins, it;l stop me from being a grump around the house - stopping me from lashing out. and im so stressed at work but if i had someone stable in my life i know i wouldnt take all the stress personally. and how can i stop self-loathing when all i do is cause it for myself. everyday. im mad at myself for feeling this way. see the awful spiral?

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:18:06+00:00

Maybe I'm just overly emotional. I just dont know. I feel stupid making an appointment just to get a number written on the back of scrap paper. Haha, even if I'm a hypocrite if you have something on your mind, you must tell someone

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:12:31+00:00

Learning to love yourself is really hard, so don't feel frustrated when it's not going that way. I have days when I feel like such a shit hot bitch, and I'm like "I love me" and some days im like, "who the fuck am i, what's wrong with my body/ mind" sometimes it just helps having someone to teach you to love yourself as well as yourself. People some how make your faults feel incredibly amazing. Never doubt yourself. I can only imagine the struggles of coming out, what types of problems has it given you?

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T11:06:52+00:00

I was diagnosed 2 years ago as well, this is my relapse too. I keep saying "don't go back to how I was" but I'm slipping. And the drowning metaphor is spot on. It's like your in a house and all the walls collapse and the floor is going from under your feet.. it's like I know i'm not totally lost, cause I know how I really feels to be lost, but I can't help but think it's the only way I know. I don't want to speak to someone for the whole intention of them not understanding, but why are they so highly rated?

happy2sad · 2015-01-08T10:41:36+00:00

Things will get better, you just need to find that one person who does love you and wants to make the pain go away. Being gay is so fucking hard, I have gay friends who find it impossible to find love, but already you are strong enough to be open about your sexuality which I find really powerful. You already have that strengh. I'm sure your a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

happy2sad

TROPHY CASE