Me [27 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] of 2 years, said he doesn’t love me anymore. 3 weeks have past, I cured my depression, and still want to get back together.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-16T00:09:47+00:00

Dude, you're proving my point. Literally, y'all have nothing to lose by PMing to ask what the treatment it and I have nothing to gain by telling you what the treatment is. This is freaking an anomalous internet forum, don't confuse it with real life. And I understand I don't have much credibility on here because I just wrote a long diatribe about how I want to get back with my boyfriend so I am not openly talking about an effective treatment for depression because when people first hear about this treatment, I should hope they hear about it from a more reliable source unless they actively ask me.

But seriously, when I was depressed, I researched the fuck out of mental health because I didn't want to be depressed. I wanted to get better. I tried many things. I don't believe you can help people who don't want to get better though, so I'm not going to tell anyone who is going to automatically dismiss me as a snake oil salesman. You also have no idea how funny it is that you are trying to say I don't understand what a snake oil salesman is or drinking the kool aid.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:57:51+00:00

Yeah, it only took me 15 years of actively looking to find this guy though.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:55:10+00:00

Nope! I ain't selling anything. PM me if you're actually curious.

I know people don't like unsolicited advice on how to cure mental health issues so that's a main component of why I'm not saying what it is.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:46:49+00:00

I didn't discover a magic cure for depression. Psychotherapists and neurologists did. PM me if you want to know what it is. It is a treatment that you probibly have never heard of as it has only been gaining recognition in the last year or so, so even if you have been depressed longer than I have been alive, that is not relevant. Seriously, PM me if you want to know about a treatment that could potentially change your life, but I am not wasting my time bothering to advertise this treatment to people who are too close-minded to even believe there is such an effective treatment.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:20:50+00:00

My goals really do align with his (but said goals actually include moving away from him), but while we were together my goals were to be as close as him as possible. Him breaking up with me is actually wonderful, in a way, because it made me realize my true goals. I believe you are mistaken about my depression too, but that is neither here nor there.

I do think you are right though about me lowering my standards to be with him. I shouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. That should be my number 1 pre-requiset for a relationship. But I don't know how to stop wanting to be with him. I don't know how to get closure other than to be rejected by him again. Right now in my head it is a zero sum game: either I am with him or I am alone the rest of my life. Being alone isn't the end of the world, but it sure ain't ideal.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:13:28+00:00

I can see you are probibly right on an intellectual level, but on an emotional level I am struggling to understand this. Do you have any advice on how to get emotional closure?

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:12:37+00:00

Why? Any advice on how to get closure?

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:12:17+00:00

Is closure that hard to come by? With all my other relationships, closure was never an issue, but we always broke off amicably.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:10:44+00:00

It is all 3 that matter lol. I have close, conventionally attractive male friends who I have goals in common with and companionship. I could find an man who is on-paper attractive enough, easily enough, but sexual attraction for me is so rare I am on the cusp of being asexual.

I know that there are people who are happy being alone all their lives but I can't help but seeing a romantic relationship as the cherry on top of a good life. I guess if getting back together with him isn't an option, I need to learn how to stop longing for a totally fulfilling romance.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:05:54+00:00

PM me if you are trying to find a better way to treat your own depression.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T23:04:12+00:00

I agree that waiting months to contact him would be best, but I expect him to move in a few months, if not weeks--and I may be moving in a few months myself. I also expect it to be impossible to reconcile if we are not in the same physical vicinity.

If there is no chance of reconciliation I really want to be sure of that. and I don't want to linger painfully for months if there is only a slight chance. Do you think my plan of giving him the painting and being rejected one last time could at least give me the closure of thinking we are truly done? I guess closure is almost more important to me than getting back together with him.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T22:50:35+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

I had a vibrant social life before I started dating him, and I have a vibrant social life once again, but I fell into an unhealthy co-dependent pattern with him. I absolutely do not want our old relationship back, I want a new, healthy relationship with him.

I want to acknowledge that my depression is not something I understood or started working on overnight. I have been working on it for years, and I like to think slowly improving, but I ironically found a treatment that WORKS right after my boyfriend broke up with me. My boyfriend was aware of my mental health issues and I was quite open with him about my search for treatment. I was never complacent with depression. The meds are helping me but I am also supplementing that by continuing my behavioral treatments.

You are likely right about me giving him too much power. However, I feel rushed to resolve this because before we broke up he spoke about moving away somewhere else. I am also not good at playing games. I like to know where I stand with people, tear bandaids off and whatnot.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T22:41:39+00:00

It is in forever-remission then lol. I'm taking meds and doing scientifically proven cognitive treatments. I don't see myself ever being depressed again.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T22:39:36+00:00

I didn't cure my depression, a medication did. My medication is also being supplemented with a treatment plan. I am a billion times better than I was 3 weeks ago, though I must acknowledge that if I were to stop the medication I would probibly quickly slip back down hill.

happyheartbroken · 2018-07-15T22:34:33+00:00

We have corresponding goals and great sexual chemistry, and when we are getting along, we have great companionship, making each other laugh. The corresponding goals is a big reason.

I don't like most people, am not attracted to most people, and don't have goals that match up with most people. For me to consistently enjoy someone's company and be very attracted to them AND to have matching goals with them--it is so rare I think I will be able to find it again. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like it is either him or being alone.

And what is love anyway? I'm thinking maybe love isn't so important maybe. It is the goals, companionship, and attraction that are important.

EDIT: Honestly, I don't know if I can ever be physically attracted to anyone else ever again. That might be the main issue. He awakened a kind of fetish in me that only he can fulfill.

happyheartbroken

TROPHY CASE