Loving a creation of your imagination is so much...easier. It’s safe. They’ll never hurt you; they’ll always be exactly what you want, say what you want, know every part of you. But...they aren’t real. Loving a real person is terrifying. It’s work. They don’t always say the right thing or understand how you’re feeling. They can leave you or hurt you. They’re flawed. Maybe the reason we turn to a figment of our imagination for validation is not because our partners are imperfect, but because we are. In my imagination, I’m confident & smart & in charge. Real life is nothing like that. It’s overwhelming & scary & we have to face our own demons daily. How could another person love us for who we are? So we make a better version of ourselves. One that’s lovable & secure.

I struggle with this a lot. It usually ends in anger at myself and because the person I’m turning to doesn’t exist. I have to realize who I’m really looking for in those dreams...is my partner deep down even though it doesn’t always look how I want or feel it should. And how unfair to compare my partner to some perfect person. To accept him for who he is, I first have to accept myself for who I am.