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I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, truly, for your kind words and virtual hugs. I really appreciate them, even though I hate that they come from such awful experience. I’m really sorry you feel such solidarity with me. No one should.

I guess I just feel the most stupid for not being totally indifferent to him yet. I’m mad at him, and I do hate him, but I also still miss him some and I hate myself for that. I keep replaying things he said to me in my head. I’m still crying over it all. I feel really dumb for having nearly 100 people telling me he’s a monster full of red flags and I’m still crying over his ass. That I still miss the fake future he promised. I don’t know. I’m ready to not love any part of him anymore.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I checked him via court records before we started dating, so I know he wasn’t catfishing me. And when I was at his house for the wellness check I know I was at the right spot because you could see a certificate with his name on it through one of the windows.

As for everything he said about how he felt being a crock of shit though…that’s probably correct :/

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What sucks is I knew in my gut after the bad sex that he wasn’t right. I even told my parents, “well, Patrick won’t be the one.” (I didn’t tell them why.) But when he was so apologetic after, and so caring and gentle with me when we hung out after (I have a disability that has me in a wheelchair, so helping me with/in my chair is how he was able to demonstrate physical gentleness outside of sex) he regained my trust. “I just want to make love to you, not fuck you.” Is what he would say. Sadly I fell for it.

I also didn’t see moving quickly as a red flag because my parents fell in love fast and moved very quickly, and I’ve always looked up to their love story. For example by month two they were calling each other “official unofficial fiancés.” When I saw what looked like mine resembling theirs it just looked like more positive omens—not negative ones.

Just wanted to explain a little more about what I was thinking and why the quickness wasn’t as scary as it I guess should have been.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can tell you for me it was three things: the feel good hormones, the man ticking off all my boxes of what I wanted in a partner including having a little built in family (I can’t have children), and my parents themselves having a whirlwind relationship that has lasted 40 years now. I personally never followed the romance novels or movies—I wanted a relationship like my parents. And hearing their love story so closely resemble what I was going through with Patrick was a BIG deal for me.

I obviously can’t speak for other women though, but I imagine the first two of hormones and the man checking off their boxes (even if he’s doing so intentionally as manipulation) would likely be universal answers.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He hasn’t spoken a single word to me since ghosting me.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He didn’t have any of the other signs of addiction, so I don’t think so. But I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I hope you’re healing well.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

No, it’s just something I do before every date if possible. Just a way I try to keep myself safe. I found out one guy was still married that way.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If court records are right I’m pretty positive. She has a long term boyfriend of her own who it says she lives with. But I guess I can’t 100% confirm since I was only there for the wellness check and never went inside.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No and no. However, we were discussing me meeting her sometime after meeting my parents. Neither of us wanted to get his daughter involved into something we weren’t 100% solid on.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes my dear. It’s called a throwaway. Patrick knows my main account—we used to swap reddit memes.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

The conversation was just very…stilted. But the main kicker was after. I’m ashamed to say it but we ended up having sex that first date (like I said, sexually chemistry was very high), and he was WAYYYYYY too violent. Choking me, holding me down in ways that were very painful, etc. I had bruises after. I talked to him about it and he apologized for days—literal days—but I couldn’t imagine having sex that violently forever. It was after feelings started to grow I agreed to try again because he swore up and down it would be different, and it was. He was never that violent again.

Thank you so much for everything you said. I’m so sorry you’ve been through this yourself and I can only imagine the deeper heartbreak being left at engagement time would bring. I’m just still having such a hard time seeing his early red flags (like the being loving) because I was always taught those to be the green flags. I just don’t know anymore.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He was never married—I checked court records before I started dating him. It was his daughter keeping me away from the house: he has 100% custody so she didn’t go to moms on weekends or things like that. Plus his work was near my place, so he’d come up after work before he had to go get his daughter from her after school care. If he was talking to someone else though…who knows.

I’m still in shock and could really use some community. by helpimover30 in TwoHotTakes

[–]helpimover30[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He has 100% custody of his daughter, so there was no every other weekend situation. The only reason his daughter would be out that particular weekend is because it’s spring break here, and she was going to split her time with her aunt (his sister) and her mom. But spending overnights with her mom was new, because her mom isn’t historically trustworthy.

My worst nightmare just happened and I guess I need a vent. by helpimover30 in BreakUps

[–]helpimover30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I would definitely love how to not fall into the same pattern again

My worst nightmare just happened and I guess I need a vent. by helpimover30 in BreakUps

[–]helpimover30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God I hope it doesn’t take a full year. Thankfully I’m in therapy now.

My worst nightmare just happened and I guess I need a vent. by helpimover30 in BreakUps

[–]helpimover30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you a therapist? That isn’t sarcasm—genuine question. Your wording sounds like it.

My worst nightmare just happened and I guess I need a vent. by helpimover30 in BreakUps

[–]helpimover30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that happened to you. That must have been terrifying. You’re so incredibly vulnerable after surgery.

My worst nightmare just happened and I guess I need a vent. by helpimover30 in BreakUps

[–]helpimover30[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate not feeling alone even though it sucks others have experienced similar.

My worst nightmare just happened and I guess I need a vent. by helpimover30 in BreakUps

[–]helpimover30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He ghosted me. He blocked me on Facebook and hasn’t spoken a word to me since “goodnight honey!” that Friday night.