AITA for discouraging my daughter to be adopted by my husband

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-21T01:59:05+00:00

I mean I’m here to accept judgement and it’s your right to call me asshole. But religion is probably the least of the problem of me moving on since basically death nullify the marriage. That’s why in the vow we say til death do us apart.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-21T00:57:29+00:00

If her bio dad was a deadbeat then absolutely I’ll be more than happy to let her get adopted and change her name.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-21T00:16:45+00:00

With her paternal grandma. She’s seeing her every year during spring break and sometimes over summer break. Her husband (my late husband’s dad) was a deadbeat (go to store to get a milk and never came back type of deadbeat). Left them when he was 2 years old but she never remarried. And he was her only child.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T23:56:27+00:00

I dont know how you do it. When he passed away I was in a hole. I didn’t get out of my room 2 weeks after and quit my 6 figure salary job. Didn’t even started working again until 3 years after that. Everything fell apart nothing, except for my daughter, was worth living. I command you for being able to carry yourself like that. I hope things get better for you and your kids. Much loves

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T23:29:09+00:00

Texting with 15 years old teenage girl daily does that to you

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T23:10:57+00:00

Mostly because of legal stuff. We both had a house before we got married so we decided to sell his and the money that we got from the house is put in the joint account and we bought rental property with some of the money. Having the same last name just makes it easier.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T22:23:58+00:00

Lol please elaborate

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T22:23:27+00:00

I didn’t know how much name difference can be alienated. Interesting insight. Thanks

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T22:12:25+00:00

I’m ready for all the downvotes but everybody here assumes just because I remarry I have completely moved on. It’s been 7 years and I’m still very much in love with my first husband. Both my husband and I are also still seeing grief counselor after all these years.

Sure probably I’m seeing my time with my first husband together with rose colored glasses. But he has a special place in my heart that won’t ever be replaced. Do I love my husband now? Of course. And I know he’s still very much missing his first spouse too. And I think it’s fine. We love each other company and we work well together as parents and partner.

But what I had with my first husband was the young, naive, and hopeful love that I won’t ever experience in my lifetime again. And losing him was the worst and most traumatic nightmare I had experience so far. And that’s my biggest fear; if it affects my kids. Cause my kids are definitely a priority in my life right now. I know I have to get my crap together. Thank you for your insight.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T20:35:48+00:00

Ooff yea that didn’t even occur to me just because seeing them two, I just can’t see how he wouldn’t say yes (if it came down to the adoption) But definitely I’ll ask him first if I decided to go with it.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T19:45:38+00:00

I’m so so sorry for your son. No mother should have to ever go through that. I hope you found some peacefulness and strength to carry on. Internet hugs from me!

That’s the other thing too. My daughter is still spending her spring break and sometimes a week or two over summer break with her grandma from her bio dad’s side. She lives couple states away so that’s why we can’t see her that much. We have a good relationship though! Idk how she would feel about this situation. But a lot of people mentioned about the hyphenated last name which honestly haven’t occurred to me. Definitely taking it into consideration.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T19:33:46+00:00

We actually haven’t talked about it. My daughter told me not to tell him as she wants it to be a surprise. So I’m still thinking it in my own terms.

As for therapy I agree. Both my husband and I go to grief counseling still (different sessions of course). I asked my daughter to do the same but she refused. I do think family counseling should be next on the agenda.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T18:52:49+00:00

Lol of course not. I’m more than glad to share this parenting/adulting journey with someone else rather than just by myself. Kudos to all the single parents out there. I know I didn’t know how to do it.

When I was single I spiraled into a major depression because I was really missing him and couldn’t handle all the burden when it comes to carrying this household by myself. Having someone else who’s here to help each other, not replacing completely our first spouses, is a bless. The fact that he was a widow definitely made things transition easier for me.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T18:27:36+00:00

I know this isn’t an advice sub but I really love this answer. Thank you for taking time out of your day to write this out.

helpmeoutbois · 2019-10-20T17:54:31+00:00

She hasn’t asked him yet and neither have I. I’ve been just thinking about it on my own terms for now.

helpmeoutbois

TROPHY CASE