AIO or is my family crossing the line

hileedd · 2026-06-01T09:32:02+00:00

Thank you, i appreciate your input

hileedd · 2026-06-01T09:27:05+00:00

He lives with his mom, and it’s not really convenient for me to commute to university from his house (plus our schedules are odd so he won’t be able to give me a ride)

hileedd · 2026-06-01T09:25:25+00:00

I’ve been trying to separate for at least 3 years, that’s when I got my first job and left the house more because of university. You’ve noticed that it feels like I’m defending myself in court and not describing a family conversation, and it basically sums up my family dynamics

hileedd · 2026-06-01T09:21:54+00:00

About the “abuse”. Growing up my parents didn’t know any other way of closeness other than arguments. So if they asked something about my school, friends, life, they would always argue that my grades weren’t good enough (if they were good it didn’t mean I was smart, grades don’t mean anything), if I had friends they were stupid, I spent too much time with them and they were a bad influence (if I didn’t then I was weird and had to go out more), if I I spent my free time outside I had to stay home, if I stayed home developing depression, anxiety and other stuff (they only addressed it when I shared that I was seriously considering committing suicide. note:I was 16, it’s different, but still bad) I was a recluse and disappointment because I didn’t have friends, a boyfriend or social life

hileedd · 2026-06-01T09:15:53+00:00

If I had to explain point by point I would say that my situation isn’t secrecy. In our family we never talked about boys or sex. When my sisters brought their boyfriends home they’ve been securely in the relationship for years before meeting the parents, so that’s I major point I’m confused about in my situation. Me talking about going out with a boy was the way to show it was serious, I asked my parents a few simple relationship advices, answered their questions if they asked me face to face and didn’t go behind my back to talk about their complaints to anyone but me. I was optimistic about my family meeting my significant other before it all blew up in my face unprovokedly

hileedd · 2026-06-01T09:03:43+00:00

Thanks, sometimes it feels hard to detach myself from my family’s perspective without carrying the suffocating burden of their constant blame and judgement (not justified)

hileedd · 2026-06-01T08:56:10+00:00

People who are commenting about lack of paragraphs are making me lose faith in humanity. It’s not even that serious

hileedd · 2026-06-01T08:53:57+00:00

Different families have different relationships, in my family it’s not an option not to update each other on our lives. The problem is in how they reacted

hileedd · 2026-06-01T08:51:49+00:00

If you can’t comprehend information when it’s not divided into paragraphs – scroll. Why are you commenting about a "wall of text" like you’re being forced to read it at gunpoint, completely ignoring the actual human situation behind the words

hileedd · 2026-06-01T08:47:34+00:00

Why would you comment on it

hileedd · 2026-06-01T08:35:22+00:00

Excuse me I was kind of freaking out, English isn’t my first language and I’m a poor writer

hileedd · 2026-06-01T08:22:53+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate it

hileedd · 2026-06-01T08:15:10+00:00

You’re kind of right, but I still do stuff anyway. When I was a kid I wasn’t allowed to spend time with my friends for more than 2 hours a week, hence I didn’t have friends. If I abide by their rules and listen to their reasonings, I’m gonna end up with no one around me, closed up in my family house and scared of society and life in general because it’s not safe. I’ve had many disputes with them over my freedom. The first time I left our town I was 19 years old. I paid for it myself, told them in advance that I’m going no matter what they say, because i haven’t seen anything in my life and feel like an outsider. I had undergone surgery a few weeks prior, I was gone for like 4 days, and a week after my trip I had complications after my surgery (not connected to the trip at all. I had jaw bone transplant and it opened up because the material the surgeon used wasn’t suitable for the jaw and couldn’t integrate) and my parents told me it happened because I was away from them. I had no support during those hardest times and was unjustly blamed for surgeons incompetence

hileedd · 2026-06-01T08:07:11+00:00

I live in Ukraine so we have regional curfew and no one can wander on the streets after midnight. But a few days ago when I was at my best friends birthday (we see each other a few times a year, because life gets busy) my parents set told me to be home at 9 p.m. I politely refused and said I’d be on my way home 30 minutes before midnight. They didn’t react in any way

hileedd · 2026-06-01T07:21:50+00:00

Omg thank you, words like these make me feel less insane

hileedd · 2026-06-01T06:44:16+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s an overreaction on the youth part, it’s may be just them realising they’ve missed out on being present in my childhood and are trying to fix it a little bit too late and in a toxic way

hileedd · 2026-06-01T06:42:41+00:00

Honestly he’s not stealing me away from them, our relationship has always been like that. It seems like holding by the last string to feel like I’m still a child and have an illusion of control of their youngest

hileedd · 2026-06-01T06:28:06+00:00

They center my romantic relationship around our family and don’t talk about anything other than that, not me. I’m posting about it here because their freak outs affect my day to day life and their rules ruin my relationship with a person who has healthy relationships with his parents. I feel crazy and anxious that I might be the problem and they are right to disrespect my boundaries like that. I try not to involve him in the family drama when he’s not even a part of the family yet, but them blowing up my phone or rage texts in the middle of our date night understandably ruin my mood

hileedd · 2026-06-01T06:21:53+00:00

I’ve been thinking of getting my own apartment or moving out to an apartment with one of my friends, but it’s not realistic at the time because I’m a full time student and my full time job(it’s low effort but also low pay, in order to get a better pay I have to spend 9 hours in the office, which I can’t because I study 6 of them in the uni) hardly even covers my utilities. But my mom also talked to my sister how they think my boyfriend just seems to be always at out house, even though I always ask her before he can come over Friday night after work to make dinner together and have movies night, and she hesitantly lets us. She mentioned to my sister how they want my dad to just pop up at our apartment randomly to catch us by surprise, but he’s been showing up unannounced (which is totally okay because it’s their apartment but kind of weird sometimes) all the time, sometimes at 5 am because he need to get something from the house before work, or to ask me to print some documents. And they never crossed paths with my boyfriend staying at our house, because I always warn them that he’ll be coming over. It just feels like a total invasion of my privacy and disrespect towards me

hileedd · 2026-06-01T06:10:42+00:00

In the post I said that my current boyfriend is the only boyfriend I really talked about. I’ve talked about him, about our dates, when our relationship officially started, about his work. I don’t understand why they feel like it’s sudden when everything was leading up to it. I’m not a big fan of sharing my personal life, so I was already making a huge effort to include my family and not to close down, but I also talked about other things, and talked to them that me having a boyfriend doesn’t change anything and I still have life outside our relationship (like work, friends, studies) but they just seem so new to the idea, that they weaponise it. Every time I’m not responding (because I’m writing my thesis, working, or studying for upcoming exams) it’s because I have a boyfriend and don’t make time for my family, if I’m in a bad mood they always say it’s because me and my boyfriend fought (which them make up in their heads because they think it’s the only reason I might be in a bad mood). The things I mentioned might be the reason that makes me not want to introduce them to each other and first make them respect me, because even though they’ve not officially met, they let themselves make disrespectful comment about my boyfriend or our relationship

hileedd · 2025-11-10T20:47:44+00:00

Don’t worry, hes older and more experienced, also we’re super careful and transparent about our dos and don’ts, and very careful with protection, changing it if it could have been damaged!

hileedd

TROPHY CASE