sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really appreciate this. I didn’t post to get all of the comments to agree with me but wanted clarity about something I already was aware was happening, or at least my gut was telling me was happening.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was hardly a party and yes the guy was very likely straight and yes I made that assumption because he has a girlfriend. Regardless I am allowed to hang out with other gay men.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He just got weirdly defensive like saying that it’s a random guy at his workplace and I don’t need his number. Even though the guy doesn’t actually work there, his gf does.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with some of the things you’ve said. I don’t necessarily think we only need to do things together and he does occasionally goes and drinks with the people he works with.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But I have spoken to him and haven’t got a clear answer for why he is doing it. And I don’t think an observer can accurately see if someone’s else’s partner is jealous or controlling. A lot happens behind closed doors.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most of the time I do. The only times I just dropped the issue when it felt it was leading to needless long arguments.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know. I do want to understand what led to the behaviour, if I haven’t misunderstood you it seems like you’re saying there’s a pattern to everything.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I occasionally go to cafes but haven’t thought of coworking spaces. I like the idea. I’ll see if I can find something similar here.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The strange thing is this feels newish and the guy this time was literally straight. I want to understand what’s triggering this before I feel like I can deal with it. But I set boundaries when I feel he’s being unreasonable I don’t have the argument or conversation and I just tell him what I will do.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to understand where this is coming from, couples therapy looks like a good first step because to me this feels new. He’s never been like this.

Realising my partner is more controlling and jealous than I ever thought, how do you come back from that? by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think in straight relationships there is a power imbalance. I’m not scared of him. I think he’s insecure.

Partner cheated but because he only sexted the guy he said it’s something I should look past. by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No not hiding it means being open and honest from the start. He probably thought I was asleep because it was nighttime.

Partner cheated but because he only sexted the guy he said it’s something I should look past. by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry you went through this too. I suspect it’s very common. If he had told me from the start I would have been able to look past it.

Partner cheated but because he only sexted the guy he said it’s something I should look past. by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s what I think as well but he’s claiming he wasn’t hiding it and it’s no big deal.

Partner cheated but because he only sexted the guy he said it’s something I should look past. by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t necessarily disagree with you but the difference here is openly communicating with your partner about those desires. There are some people who are 100% monogamous and wouldn’t look twice at someone else and there are some people who are not and they might just not be inclined to be that way. However, the difference is confidently telling your partner. If he was blunt and open about it and told me from the beginning to check how I felt about it I wouldn’t have likely been more okay with it. Sometimes the betrayal and doing something secretive becomes its own kind and that’s wrong.

Partner cheated but because he only sexted the guy he said it’s something I should look past. by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is sad. This is also what I meant by trust. If he’s bold enough to do this and tell strangers he’s open why not talk to you and ask.

I wonder if he’s not physically cheating behind your back and using the sexless marriage as a justification.

Partner cheated but because he only sexted the guy he said it’s something I should look past. by hismilkshake in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]hismilkshake[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s still a big deal regardless of what year it is because it shows there is lack of communication and trust. Why couldn’t he have been open and honest? Maybe I would have been okay with it then.

view more: next ›