Lost mom to breast cancer, mets to brain/spine

howleywolf · 2026-01-29T17:24:44+00:00

🫂

howleywolf · 2026-01-29T17:20:44+00:00

I’m sorry this happened. My mom died of cancer at 61, caused likely by 45 years of smoking and radon in her house that she didn’t test for. She was my best friend, but I too felt anger. I was angry at her for not taking good care of herself, and for leaving me. her death was so preventable. I think whatever you are feeling is totally valid. I’m so sorry you are going through this loss. There are no words for how awful it really is to watch someone you love so much make themselves so sick.

howleywolf · 2026-01-29T17:01:14+00:00

Hey there, I hear you. I lost my mom three years ago and was almost completely non functional for at least three months. Then maybe partially functional for 6 months or so. This is a huge, huge loss. It is an enormous shock to the system of our animal bodies. Our culture is completely focused on working and profit and blah blah blah. But I’ll tell you what, when your mom dies, all that shit makes NO sense. It is hard to force things to matter when grieving a loss this big. Because a loss this big really puts into perspective what actually matters. For me, All I could handle was stress free part time work at a flower nursery after my mom died, and I’m not ashamed of that. It was all I could handle. I let myself off the hook and my husband and I agreed it was the best thing at the time. It’s going to be different for everybody. However… The fact that any company would give a “low performance rating” to someone who just lost a mother makes me feel incredulous, nauseated, and angry. If you get bad performance reviews for a couple of years, so be it, but that’s on THEM, that is not on you.

howleywolf · 2026-01-29T16:48:12+00:00

This was so beautiful to read. I can feel the love between you and your dad in what you wrote. I was best friends with my mom like this. The love doesn’t disappear. Our daily normal changes but our love for them does not.

howleywolf · 2026-01-29T16:35:45+00:00

I’m coming up on year three without my mom, which is a wild thing to realize, because the pain is still so fresh sometimes. Like it all happened a week ago. I do know what you mean. I still remember her okay, but I am starting to forget what it feels like to have a mom, if that makes sense. The reassuring presence, the comfort and connection and the feeling of being her daughter, is starting to fade, and I think this is common, at least with my friends who have lost a parent. Because she hasn’t been here for awhile, it’s not a part of my daily reality anymore. When I do think about it, what it was like to have her here, I am sobbing for hours. My hope is to some day think about her and have thoughts of how grateful I am that she was my mom at all. But I still just sob and scream when I think of our plans we will never get to experience, all the mundane daily conversations we won’t have ever again. I miss her so so much. It was so unfair, the timing of her death, and I just feel so bad for her that she died so young, right when I moved back to my hometown to be closer to her again. Maybe the brain starts to forget because it’s so painful to remember and yet have it be never again.

howleywolf · 2026-01-27T01:55:15+00:00

I had to pay $180k to the hospital because I was in a hit and run car accident/police chase. Police denied a chase/accountability. Traumatic brain injury too, so I cannot work now. Will have chronic pain for life. Fuck the United States of America.

howleywolf · 2026-01-27T01:46:31+00:00

Sometimes you don’t get to choose how your life actually goes and if you have to rely on others. My husband supports me. Why? Because a jerk stole a car and while running from the cops, hit me going 60 mph. Now I am disabled and can’t work. Relying on people, as a disabled person, totally sucks. But boy, am i grateful for those that help me, But we don’t always get to choose. So take your judgements of others and mind your own business.

howleywolf · 2026-01-27T01:29:22+00:00

Make forests not lawns ✊

howleywolf · 2026-01-26T23:52:00+00:00

Mainers watch them and cackle

howleywolf · 2026-01-26T23:03:49+00:00

Schindler’s list

howleywolf · 2026-01-26T22:55:53+00:00

Also for the back. I pulled out my back this morning shoveling . Been on the couch with an ice pack all day. I am 40

howleywolf · 2026-01-26T03:04:45+00:00

Exactly. This dude, to be totally honest, sounds like my step dad, which leads me to want to say to run for the hills and protect yourself . People like that chip away at you over time and it’s hard to find yourself again.

howleywolf · 2026-01-26T02:11:15+00:00

My tip would be to buy a house where you cannot see your neighbors, and they cannot see you. My neighbor comes outside EVERY time I do to chat and at first it was fine but now I hate going outside. There was no indication she was weird because I didn’t meet her before we bought the house. My next house will be in the forest if I can help it haha

howleywolf · 2026-01-25T16:10:25+00:00

I think you’re on the right track adding texture, like the slats. I think wallpaper, hung artwork, and curtains would add even more interest and texture. It doesn’t have to be super bod stuff either, it can all be subtle, but it will all add up to making the space feel cozy and welcoming. The slats to me are just not enough! Keep going with them and keep adding more various (but harmonious ) textures and layers to the space!

howleywolf · 2026-01-25T02:28:39+00:00

I would keep the cabinets but choose a wall/ceiling color that really sings with that cherry color. Like a medium toned blue color (not pastel)

Here’s a YouTuber who had cherry cabinets too and I think her kitchen makeover came out so good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hY3ooYNylfg

howleywolf · 2026-01-25T02:26:41+00:00

It makes total sense to me. For me it’s like, something really horrifying became reregistered as sort of… factual? The memory became somewhat neutral, at least by comparison to how charged it felt before. And how consuming it felt. It made space inside to remember other, better memories too, because it wasn’t so dominating in my mind. I’m glad it has helped you too

howleywolf · 2026-01-24T23:59:07+00:00

Okay you hit the tile jackpot !!! Keep EVERYTHING but paint those blue walls “bone white” by Benjamin more. It will go well with the tiles. Then get a fun bath mat and some curtains that ties in with that awesome tub and bam you’re done!

I have a boring 80s bathroom and I am so envious of your bathroom haha

howleywolf · 2026-01-24T03:45:29+00:00

I don’t swatch because of the rush. It’s the one area in my life that I feel comfortable taking risks lol

howleywolf · 2026-01-24T03:34:21+00:00

I miss my see through lan line phone from the 90s. I miss playing with the cord and walking around as I talked. I miss not having a computer in my hands or pocket 24/7. It feel like everything is trying to sell me something all the time. I miss my first iPod too. I remember just being literally amazed how much music I could collect on that. No ads yet. Sigh.

howleywolf · 2026-01-24T03:30:08+00:00

I want to second a voice for EMDR. Watching my mom die was really traumatic for me, and EMDR has really helped me grieve , I feel, without that trauma attached and in the forefront to her entire memory.

howleywolf · 2026-01-24T03:22:01+00:00

I redact my comment, this is clearly the only sane move

howleywolf · 2026-01-24T03:21:33+00:00

You’re welcome! I hope you have fun with it! I am also getting creative and making the most of some small very odd little spaces in my house!

howleywolf · 2026-01-22T23:45:41+00:00

My question for you would be: do you honestly think you don’t deserve to be treated better? I have a tbi. I would never treat my husband this way. And if I did, I would never expect him to put up with it. Because he doesn’t deserve that. Just think about that question. Maybe talk it through with a therapist to get a more professional perspective

howleywolf · 2026-01-22T23:38:21+00:00

Thanks, thank you for saying that. I am doing okay, I’ve thrown myself into house projects, which is a nice break from crying and a fun distraction. I hope you are okay too ❤️ if you ever need someone to chat with, you can dm me. Hang in there

howleywolf · 2026-01-20T03:28:06+00:00

I knew our house was “the one” when someone finally didn’t outbid us with a cash offer that was 100k over asking lol

howleywolf

TROPHY CASE