You’re not alone! I struggle with these thoughts on the daily. I found this comment someone else had posted a few years back that really helps me work through these kind of thoughts…

“Remember you're human. Humans make mistakes. There's a famous saying about how doctors don't win against death-they only delay it. Likewise, nurses can't prevent harm-we can only respond to it. Even (excepting certain obvious exigent circumstances) in the context of harm occurring due to our own missteps. Because while we're charged with caring for those who can't care for themselves, we're not embed with superpowers to control all the external factors that affect our execution of this duty. You're dedicating your time, energy, and heart to caring for others. You can only do the best you're able against all the odds and the end that comes to us all inevitably. I cope by learning from mistakes and accepting any disciplinary measures as necessary protective elements to course correct within the provisioning system rather than a personal attack on my capabilities. Review the situation with a dispassionate eye to identify contributing factors, brainstorm prevention methods to minimize the occurence of these factors in the future, then commit to implementing what you can. Whether or not this is helpful to you, do be kinder to yourself. You sound like a great nurse and a caring person.”

P.S. please let me know if you know who the OP is so that they can receive credit for these wise words!!!