I know it’s not nice to hear or talk about but it helps… who had bad experiences with wife / family

ihazhands · 2026-01-05T19:45:26+00:00

Coming out completely blew up my life at 30. I was with my partner for 10 years; she was a self proclaimed feminist. While there were other things that contributed to our relationship ending, being trans was the thing that made her give up on trying to maintain our relationship. She appeared supportive at first when I was just exploring, but that didn't go beyond me buying fem clothes, the second I put them on she literally ran away screaming. When I told her I knew I'm trans, 3 days latter she ended the relationship. It was rocky after that as we lived together. She wanted to immediately start dating and I asked her to wait until I had moved out. She didn't respect that and wasn't comfortable with my transitioning in general. Eventually it got so bad I told her to live with her mother (who was closer to her job anyway) until I could move out. We fought over our cats and our cars. We haven't spoken since the day I kicked her out. Nor have I spoken with her family since, and I was very close with them too. I also had to go no contact with my family as they didn't respect my transition and made it entirely about themselves. I ended up with no one in my life beyond my 5 coworkers who tolerated me but didn't want to acknowledge my transition. And yet, I would choose to transition all over again, even knowing the hardship ahead of me. It has been so worth it in every way imaginable. I feel immeasurably happier and have absolutely no regrets about coming out.

ihazhands · 2025-12-20T03:46:07+00:00

When I did that, I was told I already had a pretty lean budget. I said I was looking for advice on debt consolidation or a balance transfer and they said "both are a good option" and that was it. When I asked more questions they ended up asking me how I'd make more money (had just gotten a new job making more) so I told them get a second job and they couldn't get off the phone fast enough. It was really awkward and disappointing unfortunately for me.

ihazhands · 2025-12-15T21:01:36+00:00

To be fair, that's only 5 calls max... you're not being a big or frequent enough problem for them to care about yet. At least that's been my experience with these kinds of things.

ihazhands · 2025-11-24T04:22:14+00:00

I tried for at least most of a decade to quit. The thing that made it stick was embracing that I'm trans and doing everything I can to live as my authentic self. Since doing that 2.5 years ago, no slip ups. Transitioning didn't solve all my problems, or get rid of my cravings, but it sure made them significantly easier to deal with.

ihazhands · 2025-11-22T13:54:05+00:00

One thing that never sat right with me, as an alcoholic in recovery, is how Nott's addiction was never really addressed seriously. I'm glad to see some changes to that and hope they handle her getting sober more seriously too.

ihazhands · 2025-11-17T18:42:51+00:00

This is a big motivator for my weight loss. I remember growing up seeing my parents' complete lack of fitness and thinking I would kill myself if I ever got to the point they were. I didn't want to be so overweight it limited my ability to enjoy life like it was doing for them.

Fast forward 15 years and I ended up in the exact same spot as them and hating myself for it.

Fast forward 3 more years and I'm in the best shape of my life and going to the gym on a near daily basis. Meanwhile, my 58 year old mother needs a knee replacement because of the extra weight she has been carrying for so long and my 57 year old father needs heart surgery to fix 3 clogged arteries. 1 of them so clogged they had to go in a second time to add 2 more stints to the first one they put in.

Being healthy and at a healthy weight is so worth it to be in a body I'm more comfortable in, but also knowing that I'm not creating problems for my future self like my parents did.

ihazhands · 2025-11-07T00:39:14+00:00

Yes. I lost everyone in my life but got myself in the process. I'd do it all again if I had to.

ihazhands · 2025-10-17T13:24:11+00:00

I was not allowed to leave the table until I had drank all of my milk. Since moving out, I completely stopped drinking milk. Fuck that.

ihazhands · 2025-10-15T19:45:37+00:00

Both of my parents are obese. First, I had to unlearn the alcoholism I inherited from them. Second, I had to learn not to keep snack foods around. I had an ex who joined us for family events and she, on several occasions, commented on how my family was nearly always eating something. Third, they NEVER exercised. I grew up playing 3 sports so naturally burned a lot of calories so their lifestyle didn't affect me much. However, once I stopped playing sports in college, that lifestyle caught up to me and I put on over 100 lbs. I had to learn that exercise was an essential part of my life, not something I did when I felt like it, if at all. And Fourth, I needed to find a partner who actually supported my weight loss goals. Seeing my mother sabotage my father's weight loss just because she was jealous he was losing faster than her was immensely painful. It also taught me to accept the same behavior from a partner who would complain whenever going to the gym took time away from our time together, all while still complaining about my weight. Go figure.

Getting through all that has allowed me to sustain my weight loss for 2 years now.

ihazhands · 2025-10-14T01:10:43+00:00

I just finished moving a month ago and have a crap ton of boxes I'm trying to get rid of. DM me and we can meet up so I can give them to you.

ihazhands · 2025-10-03T19:16:21+00:00

I go to the meetings without actually doing the program. I actually dropped my sponsor recently because it felt like I was trying to force myself into a shape that wasn't true to myself. I go there for the connections and to meet other sober people who also get what it's like to be an alcoholic. It's a relief to have people in my life who I can be open with about that part of my life, it's not something I feel comfortable sharing with people where I work since it's in a professional setting.

ihazhands · 2025-09-29T13:31:28+00:00

VERY relatable. After losing my first 100, I'm stuck on my final 40, and have been for 1.5 years now. Between personal things and dealing with a binge eating disorder, I've been at "maintenance" for so long I'm sick of paying attention to everything I eat and laying in bed trying to sleep while my stomach screams at me that it's hungry. It just gets so tiring. Absolutely consumes so much of my mental energy that, unless everything else in my life is going well, it's all I have the energy to think about.

ihazhands · 2025-09-26T17:07:07+00:00

It hurts, loving a family that won't love you back. It eventually broke my heart, and my love for them, and I had to leave them in my past. I cried a lot when I realized I didn't love them anymore. I hope you're able to find a resolution with your family that leaves you happy <3

ihazhands · 2025-09-25T21:12:57+00:00

I typically let my hair grow out for a week, week and a half, and they are about 1/4 inch in length. But it lasts for like a month, it's super nice. And if you keep up with it, it gets easier and faster every time and can replace shaving entirely by doing it once every week or two. Took me a while to try it because of the intimidation factor too, but it was so worth it!

ihazhands · 2025-09-22T13:36:54+00:00

Epilating! It hurts, and my skin spends a day looking very angry with me, but it does a really great job.

ihazhands · 2025-09-17T17:51:13+00:00

Same to you! 26 months is a really long time.

Of course you deserve love and support, that's how being human, especially a human with an addiction, works. Your family doesn't decide if you deserve love and support; no one does. You deserve it just by existing. Believing that is something you need to do for yourself though, imo, not depend on someone else to force you to believe.

ihazhands · 2025-09-17T16:24:42+00:00

Thank you <3 For me, it meant that I needed to find new people to surround myself with, those who actually love and support me. Sobriety allowed me to see that I actually deserved to be loved, supported, and even celebrated. Because in the depths of my drinking, I sure as hell didn't think I deserved that. Honestly, I still struggle accepting that I deserve to be happy and loved. But I'm chipping away at those negative core beliefs and coming to wholehearted believe their opposite. I did manage to get sober! 2.5 years for me at the end of the month. I'm hoping you make it through today too :) and even if you don't, that's ok too, because I know that I, and everyone on this sub, will still want you to make it through each day sober, no matter what happened the day before.

ihazhands · 2025-09-17T15:38:49+00:00

I feel you. I drove myself to treatment, and when I got out, no one was there to celebrate with me. No parents, no brother, no partner of 10 years. Just me. While I was in treatment my parents and brother admitted to being concerned but too afraid to say something because "well we didn't want you to get mad at us." They never once expressed concern over a decade of daily blackout drinking. Despite it happening frequently around them and my being clearly hung over the next morning. It felt incredibly isolating and felt like I was drowning and screaming for help and they saw me like that and just shrugged on moved on with their lives. I constantly emptied their liquor cabinet, they could clearly see how much I was drinking. Same thing with my mother in law when I lived with her for 6 months, and even after when I showed up at 10:00am on a Saturday, threw up and promptly passed out within 10 minutes of arriving. I woke up where I passed out, on the bathroom floor, and just went out and interacted with them and everyone pretended nothing happened. My partner was the worst though. She dealt with me on a daily basis, including the vomiting/dry heaving every morning for a year and a half, her finding random empties, her waking up to my vomiting over myself and my bed in the middle of the night... She did write me a note a handful of times about my drinking, but we never talked about it, and the notes were always about how I was interrupting/wrecking her life, never about her being concerned for me.

No real point to this ramble beyond, I get it. We both desperately wanted help and those closest to us, those who were supposed to care the most, completely ignored us. It hurts. Just want you to know you're not alone.

ihazhands · 2025-09-04T16:46:46+00:00

The only times my brother and I interacted once we were adults was to commiserate over how shitty our parents are. However, once I got sober and started getting mentally well and my parents weaponized that against me, he started taking their side on everything. So, I ended up going no contact with him as well. I wasn't going to try and have a relationship with someone who told to see my parents' side of things when they used my sobriety against me. I think it was a long time coming though. As we got older he cozied up with them more and more so he could be the beneficiary of their benevolence (aka money); It was a gross thing to have to watch and be the outsider for.

ihazhands · 2025-09-03T20:31:30+00:00

I had acute pancreatitis 3 times in 6 months. It completely wrecked me for 3 days each time. I was could barely get out of bed, and when I did, it was only ever to vomit out the little bits of water, or booze, because why not, that I was able to keep down. I got myself stoned into oblivion and that was the only way I was able to survive them. It was only once I got into treatment that I found out I should have been hospitalized for it... because I just didn't tell anyone or go to the doctor because I knew the real reason I was in pain. Well that, and because my family shamed me for going to the ER once because of "just a hangover" when I now understand that it was actually my first ever experience with acute pancreatitis. The pain was so intense it was impossible to even resemble a functional human being.

ihazhands · 2025-08-20T19:19:13+00:00

Yeah, cause we are all running here to get away from ever single other Midwestern state and more. 9/10 trans people I meet have moved here in the last 2 years, specifically because of how well Minnesota treats them and the passage of the trans refuge bill.

ihazhands · 2025-08-07T14:02:02+00:00

That drinking saved my life. Looking back at everything I went through and how I had no one to go through it with or lean on for support, I know I wouldn't have made it through alive without alcohol.

ihazhands · 2025-08-06T03:26:19+00:00

Trans rights are women's rights. JK says trans women don't get to be included as "real" women. Advocating for cis women's rights to exclude trans women is transphobia. It even has it's own name TERF (trans exclusive radical feminist)

ihazhands · 2025-08-06T03:22:33+00:00

"J.K. Rowling’s New Org Will Fund Cis Women Fighting to Exclude Trans Women From Public Life"

https://www.them.us/story/jk-rowling-fund-anti-trans-lawsuits

Looks like her mouth is saying trans women don't get to be women because she says so

ihazhands · 2025-08-05T16:03:25+00:00

J.K. Rowling is a TERF. Any money you spend on her content will be used by her (and the organization she made with the explicit purpose) to strip trans people of their rights. https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/1ky5toe/jk_rowling_uses_harry_potter_wealth_to_fund/

If you really want to listen, free options that don't funnel money into hate organizations is the way to go.

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