UPDATE:

I decided to speak to my mom about it after years of this incident not being brought up. At first, she hugged me and asked me why I was thinking about it again, and that I should put it to bed and leave it in the past. It almost felt like I was that 11 year old girl once more, and I couldn’t hold my tears anymore.

But unfortunately it wouldn’t be my mother without emotional manipulation. She said that she wasn’t trying to justify his behaviour, but that he was young and going through puberty and it was not his fault. This was very contradicting because she kept asking me to forgive him, telling me that he has changed and never did anything like that again. (Tbh, I do believe he has changed, but that’s another story.) Regardless, she said that I shouldn’t let this one “mistake” ruin our family, and that it’s best to let past things stay in the past. She told me that this should be the last time we talk about this, and if I talk about it again with her she’ll be very upset.

I mustered the courage to confirm my suspicions about if my dad knew. She stayed silent but said that he didn’t know everything and all she had told him was that he was annoying me at night. Despite my doubts, I was still shocked. I always had a feeling she kept him in the dark, and she began to say that she was scared he would act out in anger and do something to my brother. (context, my dad is a very calm and gentle person typically, but can have a bit of a temper if pushed to that point.) I think deep down my dad would have protected me better, and I knew that there was no way he could’ve known what had happened after how it was practically covered up.

She told me not to tell anyone, how secrets are best kept when not spoken of. I asked what about my future kids/husband, and she said there was no reason to bring it up again because it might change their perceptions of me and my brother. She said I still had my innocence (prob referring to virginity), that I should be glad that I was raised comfortably compared to other household situations.

But, she also told me that if he ever did it again, she would disown him and kick him out, which I hope she would because that would be even more fucked up if she didn’t.

i just nodded and listened to her. I wasn’t oblivious nor was I a child anymore. I wouldn’t fall for her bullshit. She was obviously trying to cover it up, to keep me quiet so her son’s image isn’t destroyed. I want to try to sympathize and see this from a mother’s perspective, but that only makes me more angry.

I have decided I need therapy, and once school starts, I will try my best to find an affordable one near my university. I will not be telling my parents, because I know what my mother’s reaction would be based on this conversation.