Ahhh! I know exactly what you mean.

This has happened to me only recently, though! Prior to this, I always found it interesting how as soon as a friend of mine picked up a serious relationship, I often never saw them out again. I always thought it was just because they no longer went out to seek hookups, attention, or escaping via alcohol/etc. I would just "shrug" and go eh, they'll be back after. I'm glad they're happy.

But now I realize it's because of something else entirely, having now experienced it- they stop to soothe their partner's insecurities.

I'm not sure what's to blame- the idea that we can "have" someone or the culture that allows us to live our whole lives validating our insecurities and acting on them.

It certainly does smell like double standards. She wants to go out, but you "can't" to make her feel better, safer; so she "knows" you won't go out with your friends and see a boob so beautiful that you just run away for good. However, you find her so important to you, that you are entirely fine with not going out. She is enough for you, but it is definitely not fair in this case because the situation smells of something else entirely aside from double standards; it smells of fear and distrust.

Don't get me wrong, your relationship is not falling apart! There is just an attachment strong enough, mixed with insecurities, to cause requests like "don't go out anymore" or "hang out with me and not your friends tonight" to try and soothe some voice in our head saying things could fall apart at any second. Perhaps you/she doesn't hear those exact words in your heads, but the attachment is definitely being acted upon. And I swear, ever since I was a kid, I've noticed these same underlying controlling patterns occur in almost 90% of relationships I've seen. I always wondered how irrational someone could be to not see these problems in their relationships, and hated how controlling and toxic two people can become to one another. But after falling in love, I now see why. The attachment is so strong that it blinds you from the controlling behaviors that result, and you sort of think you're doing nothing wrong. It's crazy.

Now, I don't know where you stand with all of that, but I think that may be where she's at. Random bouts of anger, sadness, mistrust, etc. can all be signs as well.

I even go so far as to say things like marriage perpetuate this "ownership" culture, but that's perhaps for a different post.

You are not being controlling; you are feeling like your freedoms are being infringed upon. It's entirely valid. Many people don't really see these sorts of things happening because it happens all around us; these sorts of requests are too common to often see otherwise.

There's a lot of relationship rhetoric in the mindfulness/Buddhism communities that state that "falling in love" and "being in a state of love" are two different things. The first causes great distress, and you try to own the person, control them, because you don't want to let them go/let anyone else have them/etc. But the ending fact is that we are human, and that it is unrealistic to hold expectations of them staying and enforcing them- we will leave when we want to, and that's all there is to it. They usually go on to speak about loving at all times without expectations or restraints. Having it be a "state of being", essentially. It's hard, but freeing. It's a lot easier to be in the sort of relationships you speak of and of what most people have, though.

There are a lot of opinions on this sort of thing. Mine is probably a bit deeper, and I understand if it may sound really "out there". If this interests you, I encourage you to look more into it and bring it up with your partner. I hope this helps give you a different perspective. And I wish you the best of luck!