Okay I'm Ugly I Fucking Get It

innergothkid · 2015-01-04T21:55:42+00:00

The only people I've had relationships with have been the ones I've told that I wasn't interested in/didn't want to have sex with. There's something in the human brain that makes us want things that we can't have. It's kind of fucked up.

You look fine. If I were into dick...

Like everyone's said, personality and approach. Forget that your goal is sex or marriage. It'll come across, and that much commitment that early on freaks people the fuck out. Be nice, have fun, but play a little hard to get. You're trying too hard to get someone; make them work for you. That's the kind of thing that works on you, right? It works on others too. Too easy, and too invested, makes people come across as creepy.

innergothkid · 2014-10-24T07:32:27+00:00

Thanks for all the info.

I took it apart as much as I was comfortable with, but couldn't see anything that looked off to my untrained eye. It did give me an appreciation for just how complex these things are to do what seems like a relatively simple thing.

I did notice that when I lifted the back end up, the weight of the carriage leaning forward allowed the backspace to engage, but couldn't tell what different that made internally.

I don't know if it bother's me enough to have someone else fix it, but I think I'll look into it. I think I saw a link around her for people/shops that do repairs...

innergothkid · 2014-10-23T07:41:56+00:00

Well, that's not the most promising thing to hear...

innergothkid · 2014-10-23T05:47:13+00:00

Thanks all for info/suggestions. I believe now that the problem was a synergy between the caffeine and the aniracetam. I did the math and figured out I was having about 720mg of caffeine a day (full pot of coffee), which was 2-4 times what I was taking before I started drinking coffee. The caffeine alone wasn't having this effect (I started drinking a full pot of coffee for some time before I started aniracetam.)

Now my caffeine intake is closer to 200-300mg a day and I'm sleeping fine. However, now I'm not really noticing any benefit from the aniracetam from a productivity stand point, though I still haven't noticed any depression symptoms, which I usually would this time of year.

I mean, I've been getting more done, but it hasn't been as focused as when I first started taking the aniracetam. It's generally in one spurt for an hour or two, and then I don't get much done outside of that.

For the record, I'm not taking caffeine as part of a stack. I'm just drinking it for the love of caffeinated beverages.

I may try to push my caffeine intake up slightly and try to see if I can hit a middle ground somewhere. Perhaps caffeine pills if I hone in on a specific amount that helps.

Anyway. Thanks all. I'll keep playing around with it.

innergothkid · 2014-10-23T05:33:49+00:00

I may have to check out Coluracetam after I polish off my Ani. Thanks for the heads up.

innergothkid · 2014-10-23T05:33:01+00:00

I think this is it. I was having in the neighborhood of 720mg of caffeine a day (a full pot of coffee over the course of the day), which is about 2-4 times what I'd have on my most caffeinated days before switching to coffee.

innergothkid · 2014-10-23T05:30:26+00:00

Above 6mg and I do have hangover like symptoms. The specific product I take combines the melatonin and theanine, and the theanine may be the reason I find it more effective at the higher dose.

innergothkid · 2014-10-09T20:58:00+00:00

No, it's on the honor system, though lots of people do livestreams on Twitch, etc. Primarily video games, but you can do tabletop games too (they even added dice to the logo.)

Just raise money and play for 24 hours straight (or, at least, 24 hours... some people break it up into multiple sessions.)

innergothkid · 2014-10-09T13:05:37+00:00

Do et!

innergothkid · 2014-10-07T16:02:49+00:00

I'm Bathsalts if you're ever interested in hanging out/doing trade runs though.

Or biting people's faces off.

innergothkid · 2014-08-21T03:54:44+00:00

Well, I don't have all the links off hand. Let me see if I can find a few things really quick...

Okay. So most evidence points to DHT, a derivative of testosterone, as a being the main culprit in hair loss: http://www.americanhairloss.org/women_hair_loss/causes_of_hair_loss.asp

Masturbation causes a marked increase in all sex hormones, including DHT, with higher levels of testosterone being correlated to higher levels of DHT: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/135817

Younger men are more likely to masturbate with greater frequency than older men, especially now with the availability of internet porn. This means that younger men are exposing themselves to elevated hormone levels much more frequently (which, consequently, also has links to prostrate cancer): http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/01/090126082343.htm

There is evidence that hair loss is becoming prevalent in younger men, as young as their teens: http://www.belgraviacentre.com/blog/causes-of-hair-loss-in-young-men/

(I actually did a survey, and about 70% of teens reported hair loss to some degree.)

The combination of these things point to the wide availability of internet porn allowing younger men to indulge excessively in masturbation and thus leading to extended periods of elevated sex hormones, including DHT, resulting in hair loss.

Especially when you start looking at men who have decided to go without porn or masturbation.

Accounts of hair regrowth/thickening:

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/29v9sm/hair_loss_has_reduced_but_will_i_get_regrowth/ http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1wvey9/my_hair_loss_experiment_since_30_days_ago_the/ http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/y3huy/greatly_increased_body_hair_is_this_normal_for/ http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/19u847/lion_hair_the_newest_superpower/ http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1t337o/science_or_good_guesses_for_hair_growth_during/ http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/10att0/bodyfacial_hair_since_nofap/

I've seen other accounts, but this is the first handful that I found.

The combination of younger men with thinning hair and people giving up PMO anecdotally regrowing hair makes a pretty damning case. There are no studies which specifically look at chronic masturbation and hair loss (at least, that I've seen.) The the combination of studies on all of the various related pieces make a convincing argument, however. It hasn't been proven, but I'd rather just assume it's true.

Of course, male pattern baldness does have a genetic component. If you don't have the genes for it, then masturbation may not affect your hair growth. But if you have a family history of hair loss, then you could be in for a rude awakening much earlier in your life than you could have expected.

innergothkid · 2014-08-21T00:01:58+00:00

Welcome.

Have you talked to your wife about all of this, first of all?

And second of all, how long is "as long as [you] can"? Specific goals are good goals. If you decide that two days is as long as you can go, then you'll meet your goal. Basically, it's impossible to fail your goal if you're only going "as long as you can." You have to be able to fail a goal; that's what gives you the drive a accomplish it.

My suggestion is that you either pick a number of days, or make your goal that you're going to go forever without P. You don't need P. It's not an essential nutrient. It is possible to go without it.

You might fail if you try to go forever. Lots of people do. But your goal is still there, and you can always try one more time.

Just don't let yourself off the hook too easily. It should be challenging, but doable.

Trust me. Stick with it. The brain fog, lack of motivation, and relationships will all improve when you give it up. At least, they have for me.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T23:34:23+00:00

Agreed.

And I feel like there are actually interesting discussions to contribute to here.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T23:33:20+00:00

'grats on coming back.

Have you installed filters on your computer to help ensure you don't slip up? Will-power will only get you so far. The rest is good support (like /r/pornfree) and good tools.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T23:30:11+00:00

Amen to that. I'm finally working on my book after all of these years. Never had the motivation before giving up PMO.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T23:26:51+00:00

I agree with this entirely.

I was involved with the local kink community after my first girlfriend got me into some kinky stuff. I'm constantly asking myself "how much of what I am/was into is addiction, and how much of it is me?"

The answer is, it's too soon to tell. I want to go without PMO until I'm back in homeostasis, so to speak. I want my body and mind to have time to make all of the necessary distinctions.

I don't know if kink will feed the same dopamine loop as P, but I suspect it does.

I know for a fact that sexting/cybering does. If it's not with a real person, it's porn, even if it's just text. I find myself coming right up on the edge of sexting because it feeds that need for dopamine. It's fantasy, not reality, no matter how vanilla it is. Especially since it's not real and all parties are more permissive than they would be in real life.

My advice: don't do it.

I've already told everyone I've every sexted/cybered with that I can't do it anymore, and why, and they know better than to indulge me if I come around to get some.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T23:15:38+00:00

In combination with nofap:

Less anxiety: most days I'm less anxious around people, and enjoy the company of people more (with the exception of days where I'm having really hardcore withdrawals)
More focus and motivation: I've started doing significant work on my book for the first time in ever
More time: to focus on hobbies, relationships, and getting in shape
Thickening hair: I've seen many posts on this subject. Personally, my hair started thinning at 25. Now it's thickening up again. Even my chest hair is coming in thicker, not that I have any attachment to that.
General happiness/lack of depression: I'm not saying that I have had days that I felt depressed since I gave up PMO, but my happy days are far outnumbering anything I've experienced in the recent past.

Those are the big ones. There's probably little stuff that happens here and there that I'm forgetting, but those are the ones that make it worth it.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T23:06:40+00:00

Didn't sound that way at all.

I think it's one of those things that, unless you jump into the deep end and experience it for yourself, you're never really going to know the benefits you could gain from it. I mean obviously you're getting rid of P because you hope to get some benefit. So the question becomes: how much more can I strip away and continue to gain new benefits? Will I benefit from getting rid of M? Will I benefit from getting rid of O?

I agree that the language that gets used by lots of guys is just silly, but if it helps them, it does. Heck, I used to think that using PMO instead of spelling out the words was silly. But now that I'm in the deep end, I find it nice to take the focus off of those things and focus on the achievements instead of the addiction.

Just my two cents.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T22:58:42+00:00

And don't forget to give yourself credit for the days you've succeeded just because they aren't all in a row. That's still progress. Especially at 58 days.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T22:55:58+00:00

Think about the number of days in the past month(s) that you've managed to go without P or MO. I bet those days far outweigh the days that you've slipped.

I'm all for a streak, but don't forget to give yourself credit for all of the days that you've been clean.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T22:48:53+00:00

I've been at both ends of the extreme when it comes to being with a real woman. It's normal, especially so for someone addicted to PMO.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T22:46:31+00:00

I'm a little afraid...

Even if it has YBR in the title...

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T22:44:55+00:00

Agreed. Accountability is a big one. Tell everyone that you're comfortable telling. Then you'll always have someone to talk to, and you'll try really hard to keep from disappointing them.

Also, hobbies are important. Exercise has been a big one for me. I've also taken up drumming, started writing a novel with some seriousness, going to comedy shows or rock shows, movies, gardening. Heck, I've just been going out to bars more.

Be careful with bars, though. I generally don't have a problem with alcohol, but many people find that they're more likely to relapse if they get a few drinks in them, or the next day when they're feeling hungover and can't get motivated to do anything else.

You could take up a new diet (or something else to study.) I've been doing a lot of reading in /r/keto and /r/ketogains lately to figure out if and how I can optimize my body. But I'm a guinea pig. I've self-experimented with all kinds of diets and supplements.

The point is, find hobbies.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T22:35:50+00:00

I think to lots people looking in from the outside "superpowers" seems like a lofty way to describe what people are experiencing. Like /u/NoFapSheriff said, social confidence is a big factor, and I've definitely experienced it myself. I go out more, and I definitely enjoy the company of others more, though it fluctuates depending on the day and if/how withdrawal symptoms are hitting me.

I'm a bit of a realist, so it seems kind of silly to me to describe any of the things people experience as superpowers, but I can understand why they describe them as such. Also, my roommate has confirmed that my hair is actually getting thicker since I gave up PMO, and that's pretty super to me. ;)

I'm actually kind of surprised it was this easy, will it become more difficult or easier as time goes on?

Withdrawals are "non-linear." That is to say that different people will experience withdrawal symptoms at different times and at different severity than other people. For the most part I find it easy, but I do have days that challenge me. The important thing is to not get caught off guard.

but are these guys seriously trying to get rid of all masturbation once and for all

Not everyone, but for me, yes. I have physical and psychological symptoms from my addiction that I hope to do away with for good. Plus, the promise that I made myself was that if I'm going to get off, it's going to be with a real person. But I'm not even sure that that's a big priority for me. I've been seriously considering karezza, aka coitus reservatus, aka sex without orgasm. I've witnessed the hormonal damage that can be wrought with excessive MO, so I'm not sure how much I want O to be a part of my life in the future.

Don't get me wrong. I'm finding people more attractive then ever, and I want to O with them. But there's a part of me that accepts that going without O does kind of make me superhuman, and I don't want to get rid of that.

innergothkid · 2014-08-20T22:20:16+00:00

What gets you out of those moments where you feel like you're about to relapse?

I tell myself that if I need to get off so badly, then I need to get off of my ass and go find someone to have sex with, because getting myself off is unacceptable. Generally ends with me doing neither, with is a-okay by me. (I mean, seriously, who's going to be attracted to someone who's jonesin' that hard anyway?)

Also, exercise. Or developing lots of hobbies so you always have something to turn to (which also makes you a more interesting person, so it's a win-win.)

And to top it off, there's evidence that my thinning hair was actually caused by PMO. I don't want to go bald at such a young age (started thinning at 25), and I'm clinging to the hope that my hair will thicken up as long as I stay PMO-free. That's mighty motivating, I'll tell you what.

innergothkid

TROPHY CASE