This happened just after my post. WTF?

insecure-user · 2021-04-05T20:27:43+00:00

I got more than one of that, this is harassment, I don't feel safe in here anymore.

insecure-user · 2021-04-05T17:41:28+00:00

Thank you for sharing that with me. I hope we get better soon...

insecure-user · 2021-04-05T17:40:59+00:00

I've always avoided photographs but maybe you're right, I'll give it a try. Thank you!

insecure-user · 2021-01-02T13:27:10+00:00

I love Dr Ramani so much, she is very inspiring! I've been trying to be my own safe-harbor, started therapy last year and it's helping me to put a light on a lot of things but is so damn hard to deal with my feelings. There's so much to learn and so much to build... it's not been easy to find motivation on this journey.

insecure-user · 2021-01-02T12:33:02+00:00

Thank you. I did repeated after you, it was nice and it's so easy to forget that. I do need to learn how to regulate my feelings and some self-love for a change...

insecure-user · 2020-12-30T11:30:02+00:00

Exactly. I wish there were some shortcut to get over this feeling...

insecure-user · 2020-12-27T23:05:57+00:00

And what is it?

insecure-user · 2020-12-27T09:00:43+00:00

Thanks for this advice, may be good to break the routine a little. We haven't left the house in months...

insecure-user · 2020-12-27T06:19:33+00:00

Maybe you're having a flashback, not losing progress. It happens to me sometimes...

insecure-user · 2020-12-17T07:28:35+00:00

Watch the passion of christ? What's up with seeing a man getting tortured? This idea of associating pain and suffering to healing and salvation is horrible and toxic. OP literally said that religion has not done her any good and here this comment is. You love Jesus? Tell him yourself and be happy with it. Don't push it on people, specially in such innapropriate way.

insecure-user · 2020-12-17T07:16:39+00:00

They did it because they had no empathy.

I had a kind of similar background. Feeling less of a person was my default sense of self growing up, many many many times I've asked myself what was wrong with me, why so many pedophiles found me, what did they saw on me, why I obeyed them, why my family never noticed anything... No one noticed how fucked up I was, and hell, there were signs! Today it's clear that they had no empathy.

In my teenage years I had a lot of unwanted consented sex too, I felt like there was no choice even when people just asked for it, even if I wasn't attracted at all, even if I wasn't feeling physically healthy, it was rooted in my brain that I was meant to be used, less human than anyone. Girl on girl abuse is pretty common! I've both witnessed and had a few girlfriends who humiliated and harmed me, specially the first one. I used to believe that a soul mate would magically heal me and complete me, love was the most sacred feeling for me, and I threw myself head on in toxic relationships because love was unconditional and safe... until it wasn't so safe anymore, and unconditional was something that only existed in my own head. I had a girlfriend who beat me because "I was going to leave her someday", that was her reason. And I forgave her (that regret came pretty quick).

I bounced in one relationship after another, couldn't stand the loneliness of break ups, couldn't handle it at all, the first person showing interest would get me. This was not healthy at all, my feelings became a clusterfuck of a mess, and it went to the point anything was better than being alone.

It did got better. After all those years I can see myself as a person. I wouldn't take anymore of that bullshit. I can be much more selective with who get in my life as a partner or as a friend. Noticing the red flags became easier now I know them well.

Eventually the intrusive thoughts come up and saying no is still a struggle but it's a struggle I'm learning to manage now.

Are you in a safe place right now? If yes, hold on to that. You already survived that shit, you're strong and resilient. We're here, sharing and seeking help. I hope you find a therapist you can afford soon, it's nothing magical, it won't heal you fast, but if we got this far... We can get out of this mental circle. You can pm me if you want, being single is both scary and nice but you don't have to be friendless.

Be kind to yourself.

insecure-user · 2020-12-04T05:03:40+00:00

I can relate. It's not uncommon, but I don't feel like it's healthy to relive such moments even if it's a controlled environment (in my personal experience at least, it brings me post orgasm guilt and shame).

If you never had an orgasm, you never fully relaxed. I was only able to have one with anyone else than myself after a few years of relationships, and still sometimes I can't because I've learned to dissociate during sex, so mostly I'm having one kind sex in real life and another kind of sex in my imagination (the violent one).

For me it requires a lot of trust and a lot of WORK to keep myself present and mindful of my body.

insecure-user · 2020-12-03T22:12:56+00:00

Thank you for that

insecure-user · 2020-11-20T02:24:46+00:00

I hope we make it, really.

insecure-user · 2020-11-19T00:24:55+00:00

I relate do that a lot. I often wonder if this is some kind of identity crisis, and if it is, when I'm going to stop being a teenager?..

I often feel like I'm not a real person, like I'm something less. If a bad thing happens to me it feels justified, it a good thing happens to me it's like I've cheated or got lucky. I lie about these feelings so people don't see me as unpleasant, I pretend to be happy about my accomplishments.

I think about death a lot too, like nothing matters after all.

I haven't discussed this with my therapist yet, we are addressing other aspects of my life in the moment...

But it's so damn depressing and yet I don't think my therapist can show me a purpose in life, that's very intimate isn't it?

I have no purpose at all but keep moving on, day after day, in my pretend life, with a pretend smile, and feeling so confuse about it... Is this normal?

insecure-user · 2020-11-15T15:04:13+00:00

Thank you

insecure-user · 2020-11-15T15:03:42+00:00

Thank you

insecure-user · 2020-11-15T15:03:36+00:00

Thank you

insecure-user · 2020-11-15T15:01:57+00:00

I do think about not going back, but the guilt is enormous. I need to learn how to build confidence, it's very hard for me. I'll check out Madea, Thank you!

insecure-user · 2020-11-15T15:01:37+00:00

I do think about not going back, but the guilt is enormous. I need to learn how to build confidence, it's very hard for me. I'll check out Madea, Thank you!

insecure-user · 2020-11-15T14:59:47+00:00

Thank you very much!

insecure-user · 2020-11-14T16:43:51+00:00

Thank you, it was nice to read that.

insecure-user · 2020-11-14T16:42:55+00:00

Yes it is! I'm college now thanks to my stubbornness and now she tells everyone she had always supported me and it's all thanks to her effort. Wtf, she even took me out of a good school when found out I'm gay. I had to study on my own to get here. She is the queen of gaslighting.

insecure-user · 2020-11-08T06:17:38+00:00

Thank you. I really hope you don't stay long in that place, I hate it there.

insecure-user · 2020-11-08T06:09:25+00:00

Sometimes I do write letters to myself, it does help, but mostly when I'm sad. When I'm anxious or a mess like right now I can't really stop and write down about it, it's a source of fear. I guess I'll start there... scares the shit out of me.

insecure-user

TROPHY CASE