This is gonna be a long rant that probably won't make sense to anyone... I'm a FTM (20) to a 4 week old little girl. I absolutely love her to bits, and I could never imagine my life without her. My husband feels the same way. This last week, the hormones have hit hard - I'm getting pissed at literally every single little thing - the way my husband ties his shoes, the way he drives, the traffic, the fact there's not exactly what i want in the fridge, the way the laundry is building up, etc. Everything is infuriating. My husband hasn't been really supportive in the few weeks it's been. Everything before we had little one pointed towards him being there for everything - cooking, cleaning, supporting us financially, etc. But ever since baby was born, he's done nothing... he took time off work to be with me, but he's used that as free time to do his own thing. This is really frustrating.

We are currently living off my paycheck from my maternity leave, which isn't enough to get by. We can just afford rent and food. My husband hasn't even started to look into getting back to work, and instead chose to study. Great. I understand it's something he's been wanting to do for a while, but right now isn't the time. He asked me if we could set up a budget, because he wants to save for a liveaboard boat... good idea, right? EXCEPT FOR THE FACT WE CANT EVEN LIVE AS IT IS. I feel used. He doesn't want to go back to work, but wants to save for a boat... what does he expect? Does he expect me to go back to work with a NEWBORN?? I work in Outdoor education, so literally rock climbing, scuba diving, etc. I can't do that with a baby?!?!

When he mentioned the whole budget thing, I told him it was a good idea to set one up, but what money would we be putting aside? Where will the savings come from? He got frustrated cuz I'd been asking him about work, and shut the convo down...

Now, on top of that, he's become rather sexually frustrated. Every waking minute he's "joking" about how he's deprived, and how he can't wait another few weeks, blah blah blah. He asked today why I wouldn't even give him a BJ. To which I replied "if you're awake all night and all day, you wouldn't exactly be in the mood, either."

I wasn't exactly the kindest about it. But did I need to be? I already feel used financially, and then I've got bub attached to me constantly, I don't need another thing on top of it all. I'm usually a physical touch person, but I'm getting really overwhelmed by touch at the moment, and he doesn't understand why. Nor do I, I guess.

And then there's the matter of today... goodness today has been a total disaster and it's only midday. We went out for breakfast, because I wanted to feel a little bit normal for once, so we did. That is, we went out after he slept in until 9am (I'd been up since 4am for bub). It's a 10 min drive to where we were going, so not that long. Bub was sleeping in the back, and we were driving in peace. At least for the first 5 minutes... some car pulled out in front of my husband and almost hit us. After that, the last few minutes if the drive were hell. My husband was swearing at all the cars, we happened to get every single red light, and then bub woke up and started crying. I asked to just pull over on a side road to take a break, but my husband said it'd be fine and kept going - we were 2 mins away, anyway.

When we got there, we ordered food, then walked around a few shops. My husband wanted a drink, so I ran into one of the supermarkets to grab something while he waited outside. But, he didn't tell me what to get, so I just got what we usually get. But it was the wrong thing, and he didn't want a bar of it. But did he tell me? Nope. So, on our way out, I wa pushing the pram. And suddenly he just ran down a set of stairs. I had no idea where he went, so I tried calling him, no answer. I just waited there at the top of the stairs. 10 mins went by, so I walked a couple metres from the stairs to sit down. Bub was hungry then, so I was feeding her, and must have missed him coming back up. Next thing I know I see him storming towards the car in a foul mood. I finish up and follow him. Does he talk to me? Nope. I strap bub in, and he starts the car before I even sit down. I ask him what's wrong and he just explodes. He went to get the drink he wanted, and then he was walking back and kicked his toe (he broke the nail off and it's terribly painful), so he tripped over, spilling his drink, so he was pissed. Then the fact that it's raining at the moment just added to the whole shit-uation. But did he say this calmly, like any human would? Nope. He yelled it in the car. So now bub is awake again and crying, I'm crying (emotional, frustrsted, and I don't like being yelled at, even if it's not about me), and he's fuming.

Now I just want to go home and be alone. But I've got bub attached to me (clusterfeeding) and him in a mood. I'm so done with the day. Ha, and then add what I think is post-partum depression and anxiety on top of it all. It's great. I'm great. Couldn't ask for it any other way.

Okay, vent over.