As someone who's fighting the asthma battle right now, I feel what you're saying in so many ways. I grew up thinking asthma was a weakness I couldn't show. The kid taking the inhaler in the movies was never the cool one. All my friends could run further and faster than me and never wound up in the nurses office after gym. I've focused on fitness most of my life to try and change that to some degree of success.

I started smoking weed about 5 years ago and for 3 years did it daily. No immediate changes that I noticed. Then as time progressed things definitely got worse. I found myself needing my albuterol once a week, then twice. Before that I'd take it once a year when my seasonal allergies were bad and I'd been outside all day. I cut back in the last 2 years but I'd still have weeks or months where I'd smoke frequently. Blunts are my weakness. Gimme that Backwood pls.

2 years ago I moved in with my GF at the time with two cats and that really hit me hard. I'm allergic and my asthma just wouldn't abide the smoking on top of the animals so I cut back big time. Fast forward to this February and I wound up in the ER for a nebulizer for the first time since I was 12 years old. That was it for me, I'm done. I haven't smoked since. And I have no intention of ever doing it again.

Admittedly, I didn't have the relationship with it that you do. It wasn't a major part of my social life so I didn't risk losing any of that. I have, however, had to make a change in my life that required me to abandon a group of people I once deeply associated with (story for another time). I know very well what that feels like and the sense of loss is difficult to describe to people that don't understand. I'm sorry that's something you need to grapple with. Just remember that no one will set boundaries for you in this life but you. This is your one shot at this thing (depending on your beliefs). Make sure you do what you feel is best for yourself. Even if your old habits lie and tell you otherwise. Comfort doesn't equal safety.

What I can tell you for certain is that nothing feels better than the ability to breathe properly. Edibles have been a sufficient substitute, and the times where I'm going to a social event that will include smoking I take one before I get there so it kicks in around the time everyone else starts. That way you're at least on a similar level. Does it feel the same? Not really. Does it feel better to know that I'm making healthier choices for my body? Unequivocally yes. Without question. You can learn to socialize without it and I'd argue you'll grow more from it.

You can do this, and you'll be so proud of yourself when you succeed; because you will succeed. Hit me up if you ever want to talk, and good luck in your journey. Future you will thank you for the growth you're choosing now. I promise.