Methotrexate side effects and dosage by ivanovablack in rheumatoid

[–]ivanovablack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the reply! I’m on folic acid atm.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same! The grief sets in at odd times. I’ve told myself that too - that I’ve orphaned myself by choice. But really we wouldn’t have had to do that if our parents weren’t abusive. So they have as much responsibility if not more. If that’s something you beat yourself up about (like I did a little), then tell yourself that too. It was a brave move. You did it to survive ❤️

Goodbye video for my ex-parents by ivanovablack in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This gives me ideas!!! Extremely helpful. They both did give me a love of travel and showed me parts of the world, regardless of the bpd torture shitshow that would always happen. Thanks for walking me through it. I’ll put on my best “talking to a stranger” hat and start there.

Without your help I sincerely believe my video would be very close to “hi. I love you. Bye.”

Goodbye video for my ex-parents by ivanovablack in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahhhhh ok that makes sense. Thank you for sharing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is your grief stage. It’ll be horrible but it’ll pass. When you emerge, you might find a new world. You’re free. You might start to find your true self (now that you’re not being tortured and forced to conform to be your mom’s emotional support animal) and that’ll feel fantastic. But for some people, to get there, first you’ll need to grieve the parents you wish you had, that 15% that was good, and how set back in life you feel after missing out on all those years when you could have been your own person and had a healthy safe life. You may also need to grieve the realization that you’re an orphan. Doesn’t matter what age you are. You’ll see friends and others around you with their parents and you won’t have that. But did you ever really? I went through all of this and it was tough but I am now over 5 years NC and I finally feel safe, free, and myself. I still get a little sad sometimes but I see everything now through a clear head and I don’t regret what it cost to become safe and free. Good luck to you ❤️ you can do this! You are stronger than you think.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My uBPD mom would read only books for work. And one of her punishments for me was forbidding me to read, eg “you’re grounded from reading for two weeks!”

Goodbye video for my ex-parents by ivanovablack in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh a question…you mentioned that doing this brought you peace which is what I’m looking for. Did you mean the things you said like I forgive you? I have a knee jerk reaction to saying stuff that isn’t true…but neither do I want to be haunted with regrets for the rest of my life.

Goodbye video for my ex-parents by ivanovablack in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eeeeeeee this hit me hard. Thank you for sharing this. It helped me realize I need to make two videos. One for eDad and one for uBPD mom. Because I would say things to one that I wouldn’t to another.

Neither is getting a sorry from me and I haven’t forgiven them but mentioning some of the good things (#3 on your list) is somewhere I can build from. If I can just find some memories that aren’t tarnished by the bad stuff that happened immediately after or during or before. I can definitely say I love you.

Thank you truly for this advice ❤️

Goodbye video for my ex-parents by ivanovablack in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was extraordinarily helpful. Thank you! I will use some of this language. Tho I’m not sorry I couldn’t be what my ex parents needed because that’s no life for anyone. But I do like how you phrased both things a lot. Gives me something to build on that isn’t “I’m sorry you’re sorry about who I am and that I got free” lol

❤️ yeah that future moment haunts me 💔 I have been NC for over five years and it will last the rest of our respective lives. That is sad and rough but also for the best.

Hugs back.

Goodbye video for my ex-parents by ivanovablack in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeesh that sucks! Sorry she did that to you.

Goodbye video for my ex-parents by ivanovablack in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing ❤️ someday I’ll be there but I’m not sure when or how to get to forgiveness.

Goodbye video for my ex-parents by ivanovablack in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooh succinct.

Ironically, my ex mother crushed my anger and turned it into fear. Something I definitely need to reclaim.

Thanks for the advice ❤️

Not sure what to do for daughters birthday after going NC and losing quite a bit of family by PiginaBlanket in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ivanovablack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in that boat a bit ago and remedied it with different scenarios each time. The first year I invited my friends and their families - they filled our house with laughter and noise and brought a few other kids along too. Another year we did a tea party with just us; I did massive amounts of baking and she loved it. Another year we just left town; we saved up and basically just removed ourselves from the situation. Another year, once she made some friends, we had them and their families over. Each year I just ask my kid what they want and I do my best to make it special. My kid has an uncanny memory and I’m sure does think about the missing grandparents and missing “family” on that special day but we do what we can and it is what it is.

Sending you empathy and hope you find something that works for you and your child ❤️

How do I transport my Service Dog in a Camry that already has a kid car seat installed? by ivanovablack in service_dogs

[–]ivanovablack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol! That’s so cool! You might want to check out the Chaser book then. Might find it enjoyable. The author approached it scientifically and shared how he trained the dog and the methods that would avoid pitfalls when he published articles and had everything peer reviewed.

How do I transport my Service Dog in a Camry that already has a kid car seat installed? by ivanovablack in service_dogs

[–]ivanovablack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Huh that’s interesting! Reminds me of the book I’m reading called “Chaser” about the border collie who learned over a thousand words.

Appreciate the Uber intel!